Grace Under Pressure 2

It's been a little while since we have had a top tune on here so its time to put that right. Along with Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry is probably the best thing to have come out of American Idol.  With a voice as smooth as velvet and as raw as a third degree skin abrasion, Daughtry is able to capture a whole range of emotions as he sings. But don't take my word for it.  Kicking off September in sublime style this is Chris Daughtry and a wonderful stripped back acoustic version of 'Wating for Superman'

The numbers indicate the points where I needed resuscitating I should have known what lay ahead of me when the organiser of the run compared the upcoming 4.8miles to the Gedling / Bestwood park runs whish are notoriously undulating rather than the one at Long Eaton which wouldn't trouble the bubble in a spirit level. And despite telling the gathered masses about the lovely 4 downhill sections, it was the horrendous three uphill bits that stuck in my mind before we even started. Amazed to see some people actually warming up, the organiser then went on to remind us that it was a fun run rather than a race which didn't seem to register with 'the rabbit' who was already at the top of the first hill before I had managed to negtiate the opening style. And it went downhill from there, metaphorically but certainly not literally. There was a handful of runners from both Ravenshead Runners and the Hucknall Harriers groups, most of who I am getting to recognise by the back of thei...

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure is the first to reveal that with the constant rise in the energy price cap, BBC News will officially run out of numbers by the end of August.  In a bulletin on Monday evening news anchor Sohphie Rayworth began with the lead headline that the energy price cap stood at a predicted average figure of £4,560 per year. Yet even before videos of people in Bradford, Southapton and Wales showed turning on ridiculously large gas rings to heat up very very small small pans of water had ended, the price had gone up to a potential £6,950 a year. A quick chat over the desk with financial editor, Ivsome Savings, and the cost of boiling a kettle had jumped dramaticaly to an eye watering £14.50 whilst running a bath was expected to cost over £120. Sophie Rayworth barely had chance to talk about the Ukraine before the price gap had gone up again to a predicted £14,000 a month and at the end of a report by flac jacket wearing Orla Gearie from the war torn streets...

Office workers at are already dreading going into work after the Bank Holiday after the realisation that fantasy fanboy, Barry Bovril, will no doubt be endlessly banging on about the new House of Dragons series that none of his co worker watch. Speaking exclusivly from the stationary cupboard where she is curently hiding co worker Sharon Smeed revealed, "It all started with Lord of the Rings when Barry would creep up behind me whilst I was using the photocopier and whisper the word 'Precious' in my ear in his best Gollum impression. Thank God it was only a trilogy and to be honest Sir Ian McKellan is quite a dish and the prospect of him doing all sorts of thing to me with his staff at least made Barry bearable." "Stranger Things was one step worse becaue its already on season 4 with no sign of stopping. But Game of Thrones took it to another level altogether. For eight whole series, Barry would come into work each week and just bang on and on and on about it. On ...

With Liz Truss garnering both laughter and lothing in equal amounts for her comment that the jury was still out on whether Emmanual Macron was a friend or foe of Great Britain, her opponent in the race to be the next person to f%^* everyone up in the UK, Rishi Sunak is apparently also edging his bets. In an interview with Dermot and Alison on Good Morning Britain, diminuative Rishi got on his soap box to promise that should he be elected PM, he will go all Henry V and invade France within a month of assuming office. Later on Loose Women he seemed to contradict himself by admitting he had not only embraced several aspects of French culture but had always secretly wanted to adopt Emmanuel Macron. Meanwhile in the last husting before the Tory membership choses the lesser of two evils, Liz and Rishi have been pulling out all the stops to woo potential voters. Former chancellor Rishi Sunak is promising that everyone in the UK will be allowed a 2 min supermarket sweep (Waitrose and M&S e...

 

In breaking news that has possibly already broken, Grace Under Pressure can reveal that this years GCSETQI+ pass rate has fallen dramatically compared to the two years when it was just made up by teachers and Gavin Williamson. In a shocking revelations this years GCSETQI+ results have found that no matter how many hours students spent trying to complete assignments, hand in portfolios and memorise facts, their efforts could never ever match teachers simply awarding vastly inflated grades just to try to ensure people thought all their on line teaching during lockdown was really top grade Meanwhile in visibly disturbing scenes up and down the land, parents who went  to school 'back in the day', have been confronted with the almost impossible task of having to maintain a poker face whilst mentally trying to convert exams grades given as numbers into proper exam grades that used to be given as letters in order to work out whether their child is a possible savant or a right old thic...

Following in the footsteps of Usain Bolt, Manchester United's Harry Maguire has decided he needs to protect his image rights as intellectual property by trademarking his signature pose...slapping the palm of his open hand or sometimes both hands against his forehead, known colloquially as the Face Palm Whilst Bolt's iconic pose was one associated with his many victories, word records and jaw dropping feats of atheltic ability, Harry Maguires Face Palm' image is one connected with moments on the pitch when he scored an own goal, gave away a panalty, stood with the wrong team in the tunnel or sent a superb 50 yard pass to a ball boy. Life long Stretford End boy, Weewuz Robbed, lamented "Shelling out a world record £80 million pounds to Leicester back in 2019 we really hoped he would possess a unique skill set. Unfortunatly he does, it isn't quite the one we expected of  professional footballer. Apparently he is completly porous, made from the most porous substance kn...

In a statement that has shocked the literary world, in a Grace Under Pressure exclusive, Nobel prize winning author Sir Salman Rushdie has confirmed that he is being forced to give up writing.  This is however not as many might have predicted as a result of the life threatening injuries he sustained whilst being stabbed repeatedly by Hadi Matar, 24, just before the world renowned author was to deliver a lecture on stage at an educational retreat near Lake Erie. It is instead a sudden realisation that all of his acclaimed literary materpieces are akin to moneys banging randomly on a keyboard compared to the poetry of Ryan Giggs. Speaking to our on the spot reporter, Iambic Pentameter, Sir Salman spoke tearfully from his hospital bed, "Despite all the awards, prizes and accolades that have been bestowed upon books that I have written such as Midnight's Children, The Moor's Last Sigh and of course let's not forget my best seller, although no one ever bothered to read mo...

Coffee aficionadoes up and down the land got in a right old froth things this morning upon hearing that 'baristas' are set to strike in England and Wales from next month. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, via the coffee lovers app Grinder, self confesed caffeine addict, Mac Chiato, explained, "Whilst I fully suport anyone in their struggle over pay, working conditions and legal aid funding, this particular act, well its just criminal if you ask me, which incidentally no one has. Which is also a crime." "It should be my human right to buy mass produced ridiculously expensive coffee, most of which is just froth and bubbles, in a non recycleable cup, which I can carry to work, demonstrating in the process that the cost of living crisis hasn't affected my lifestyle, before either drinking it cold some 20 mins later or just throwing it away and making a cup of Aldi Instant.  "Only now I am being told baristas are going on strike. The highlight of my day is ju...

Saturday morning saw the unusual chance to run with a few other folks, not in the context of an organised race but rather in a social run exploring 'sites of meaning'. No idea what I am on about, well hang on in there. The little hamlet of Middleton by Youlgreave is a short ride from TOM's and with his attention completely occupied by the Daily Mail, it was an opportunity for me to go and plod in part of the Peak District I was unfamiliar with, alongside members of the Youlgreave Harriers, who I hoped were similarly pedestrian in their running. As it turned out some were, whilst others were obviously reigning in their natural speed in order not to lose the stragglers. The aim of the run was to visit a dozen or so of the sites of meaning doted around the surrounding countryside over a 7 mile route. It was originally due to be a15 mile jolly which would have had me remain firmly in bed but injuries to the organisers meant the reduced half distance jolly was do-able.   The Sit...

Just three weekends into the new Premier League season and Liverppol manager Jurgan Klopp is already calling for a mid season break after his teams poor start. Speaking in a world exlusive to Grace Under Pressure's very own football fatigued fattie, Klopp revealed, "Ya this fixture list is just the most brutal. I mean we have been asked to play twice in nine days. Twice. It's just an abuse of our human rights. No other league has to put up with such a regime, well apart from the ones in France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal and all the rest of the countries in the world that play football. But their 90 minutes isn't as long as our 90 minutes. And sometimes there's injury time too."  "Plus the time getting changed and being driven to the ground or flown first class on a private plane. Then there's all those decisions that have to be made, like which brand of ridiculously oversized headphones to wear leaving the team bus. It all adds up. I'm exhau...

This is my latest favourite thing. I have had their latest CD on repeat in my car for the past week. And can't wait to and see them at Rock City in November. This the fabulous Gang of Youths launching their latest release 'Angel in Real time' at the Manchester HMV store, with a quartet of songs just right for a Saturday  

Thousands of A student have woken up this morning to discover they were not the clever cloggs they thought they were after receiving realistic results.  Many looked back to with a sense of great nostalgia to the halcyon days of Covid when Gavun Williamson has his finger on the pulse of the nations education system and teachers gave everyone an A * for every 'O' subject because that was the easiest thing to do  Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure, 18 year old student, Imin Clearing, who hoped to go to the University of Pontefract to do a degree in 'Nail Polish ' revealed, "It was a real shock to realise that I actually had to remember stuff I'd been taught. And there was no internet so I couldn't google the answer or phone my best friend Milly who is actually quite bright." "Whilst I am disappointed in the results that I have got, which in no way make me more stupider than I actually am, mean I might not get in at my first choice to dr...

Britain’s gas and electricity users raised a glass yesterday to toast the nation's energy suppliers when it was revealed that in an attempt to remove any future uncertainty with regards the cost of fuel, OFGEM has announced that it will only increase the price cap on a Monday, Wednesday, Friday and again on Sunday starting from October. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, chair of OFGEM Gaz Pryce explained, " Whilst our main aim is to ring as much cash out of our customers as we possibly, sometimes even just for thinking about turning an appliance on, its also been pointed out that we also have a have a duty of care to our customers. Who would have thought that! So for that reason we have pledged to only increase everyones bill, direct debits and standing order ever other day." Eon customer, Thermo Stat, expressed his relief at this clarification. "It just makes life easier for us to judge when and which of our children we will put up for sale on eBay. And nothing help...

Worried that another episode of 'Wagatha Christie' might not appear in your favourite tabloid for a while then fear no more. In a world exclusive Grace Under Pressure is able to bring you a sneak preview of the book everyone looking for love will be reading this Christmas, yes its 'Relationships by Ryan Giggs'. After all why flounder in the darkness when you could be learning for the man who is a real hit (allegedly) with the ladies.  Faithfulness: Start off every relationship as you mean to carry on, by carrying out other relationship at the same time. I mean why restrict access to yourelf to just one other person. That would be just selfish. Instead sleep around with anyone foolish enough to consider you a good catch. And don't forget, getting off with your brother's girlfriend is a target to aim for. Never mind that goal against Arsenal in the FA Cup semi final, scoring when you play away from home is what matters. Be possesive: Why settle for being possessiv...

Forty four cities across the UK are waking up this morning with the mother of all hangovers after 72 hours of non stop partying, but feel it is a price worth paying after finding themselves not on the short list to host Eurovision in May 2023. As the residents of Birmingham, Glasgow, Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester, Newcastle and Sheffield prepare to see essential services slashed to the bone in order to find the millions required to fund this 24 hour extraveganza of campness, the other major cities of the UK, mainly the clever ones in the south, were looking forward to having their bins emptied, their streets cleaned and their social services maintained. And yet Grace Under Pressure did manage to find one resident of Liverpool who thought that the prospect of her city winning Eurovision was wonderful.  Speaking in an exclusive ie we couldn't find anyone else who thought it was a good idea, lifelong Liverpudlian, Penny Lane, revealed, "Oh it's dead boss innit. Real sound.  ...

In breaking news Channel 5 has made a last minute bid to win the ratings war over the late summer and Autumn as it releases news of what it hopes to be a sure fire winner with 'Hosepipe Cops'.  Having intercepted all the cars currently travelling on the roads of Derby and Nottinghamshire, the crack team of highly trained police officer we have grown to know and love, including DC Andy 'Animal' Taylor and his partner in preventing crime DIS Shirely 'No Messin' Grimshaw are set to send waves of fear through the nation's gardeners. In a trailer for the series the crack team, backed by millions of pounds of state of the art technology and a 5 strong TV crew from Channel 5 are seen to give a withering talking too to watering can users,  handcuff and haul off to the nearest Police station hose pipe sprayers and in one instance that is already being tipped to win this years 'Must see TV moment' tazer a 68yr old grandma for riding roughshod over the accepted...

  A dithering voter has been thrown into an even great state of indecision after hearing of the latest offers made by the two leadership contenders in the top of the table Tory tussle. 57 yr old Daisy Dandelion of Hucknall spoke exclusively to Grace Under Pressure about the difficult dilemma daunting her daily. "Oh it's so hard," she began, "when I am being promised so many different things by the two people still left in the race. I was going to vote for Liz Truss after she said she would cut my taxes, but then Rishi Sunak said he was going to get inflation down which would certainly help me with the cost of living. Liz came back with an offer of going the whole nine yards for the poor whereas Rish only promised them a month of Sundays." "I'd almost completed my ballot paper after Ms Truss promised me the moon on a stick only for Mr Sunak to hit back by saying if I voted for him I would be able to piss into the wind and not get wet. Oh it's so conf...

Forget thermal underwear. layering up, spending the entire day drapped in a fleece onesie, wearing mittens or a scarf to order to try to keep warm this winter. Instead get in with the in crowd and snap up this year's exclusive must wear fashion accessory, the Price Cap. As featured extensively on Lorraine, Good Morning, Loose Women and widely on most news channels, the Price Cap is available from a variety of different companies and with a huge range of price options and it will allow you to be on point with your winter fashion and control your energy useage.  Not to be confused with the flat cap which is far more stylish or the Dutch cap which certainly offer better protection, made from material that is as believable as a Boris Johnson statement in the House of Commons and is as long lasting as early morning dew, the Price Cap is the latest in a line of throw away fashion wear, following on the 'Get Brexit Done' button and the soon to be released Liz Truss Halloween mask...

   I am 'just' out of shot Under an utterly cloudless blus sky and with the thermometer hitting heights of the low 30 degrees even at 7pm it was hardly the ideal climatic conditions to do a 4.5 mile fell run. Especially one with several killer hills includling one with a 1:3 gradient!! Still what is it they say about mad dogs, englishmen and runners? Althought I have run this route before, and when I say run given the hills you'll all know that means power walk in certain places, I had never done the official race as it is always scheduled a mere 24hours before Hob Hursts fell run (organisers sort this out) which I have chosen to do in previous years. This year it was time for a change. So along with 151 other deluded souls of all shapes and sizes, I stood on the start line fueled by the spirt of the Commonwealth Games ready to expolde out of the block on the B of the bang. And we were off, thankfully running in a shady area for 20 mins of uphill slog up what felt like a ne...

T he traumas of the world were put into sharp perspective yesterday when compared to the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, environmental and social well being of Serena Williams as she announced she was ready to quit the sport most people probably thought she had stopped playing years ago. It was only the fact that she was comforted by the presence of a world renowned photo crew from Vogue, had an award winning journalist hang onto her every syllable and was able to flounce about in an array of outfits worth tens of thousands of pounds that gave Serena the courage to break the news to a world that simply didn't care all that much to hear how she could not find a single postive thing about retring at 40 as a multi millionairess. Rather than choosing to consciously uncouple like Gwyneth Paltro (before she went bonkers) and Chris Martin from Coldplay (before he became an Eco Warrior), Serena has decided that she is not retiring but rather 'evolving' in a to...

Millions of middle aged, paunch packing men, who mentally still imagine themselves as looking just as hot and desireable as renegade rebel Danny Zuko, are today wondering if in tribute to the death of Olivia Newton John, their wallflower of a wide / girlfriend is going to undergo a similar Grease style transformation and ditch the pastal coloured cardigans for a pair of spray on spandex pants. 58 year old Terry Towling of Hucknall Nottingham, who still sees himself as 'a bit of a catch' spoke exclusively to Grace Under Pressure about how he hoped that sitting through the 106 minute DVD of this 1950's nostaglia trip  might result in his prim and proper girlfriend, Shirley Shewill, wanting to get 'physical' . "Don't get me wrong," explained bad boy Terry, "I wouldn't swap Shirley for anything, anybody possibly but definitly not anything. No serioulsy I'm hopelessly devoted to her. She's my squeeze, my girl, my sweetheart but sometimes sh...

  Resident of Birmingham Tommy Shelby , woke up today wondering, if just like in the 1970's TV show Dallas, it had all been a dream, one that involved Ozzy Osborne standing in a shower cubicle belting out paranoid to a crowd of very bemused althetes from across the Commonwealth. With the colour, crowds and carnival atmosphere disappearing almost over night Mr Shelby removed his peaked cap and questioned whether watching women's hockey, lawn green bowls, synchronised budgie smuggling, watching a girl catch a hula hoop with her foot and the BBC commentary team trying to insert their collective heads up Adam Peaty's backside really did have him on the edge of his seat for over 14hrs a day? Standing in a deserted Victoria Square, the bull has already been stipped by opportunistic thieves leaving behind what resembles disgarded pieces of a giant Meccano set. The famous canals no longer glint in the early morning sunshine  like ribbons of molten silver but move like sludge filled...

First it was Hazel Irving and Claire Balding, followed by Gabby Logan, Jason Mohammad, Holly Hamilton, Ayo Akinwolere, JJ Chalmers and Isa Guha who made initial attempts to get it right. Then came Ellie Simmons,quickly followed by Max Whitlock, Beth Tweddle, Sir Chris Hoy, Rebecca Adlington, Mark Foster, Adrian Moorhouse, Andy Jamison, Ama Agbeze , Denise Lewis, Colin Jackson, Matt Baker, Craig Heap, Christine Still, Dame Tanni Grey Thompson, Steve Backley, Steve Cram and Paula Radcliffe all having a go that also ended in failure Thank God the BBC finally flew back the American Michael Johnson to finally have someone on their commentary team who could actually pronounce the word 'Birmingham' properly. As the song says, maybe it's a Brum Ting!

In a move that has shocked and surprised absolutly no one Rebekah Vardy has decided that the very best way to keep out of the public spotlight and to demonstrate that she is not the sort of person who would sell stories to The Sun is by selling her exclusive sob story to The Sun. In a tearfilled exclusive that put most of the worlds crocodiles to shame, the nations most infamous fish-wife has spoken exclusivly to journalists from The Sun to describe how she never ever sold any stories to The Sun. Apart from those that she did. In scenes that would have have gained her a place at RADA and which were rated by BBC film critic Mark Kermode as more emotional than anything in Kramer vs Kramer,  Mrs Vardy described in vivid detail a version of events that would have made Jonny Depp blush with embarrassment. Having been well and truly on the receiving end of a right old boot up the backside from Coleen Rooney, Grace Under Pressure can only wonder why having had her reputation torn to ...

Remodelling himself as the antithesis of Robin Hood, one who steals from the poor in order to give to the rich, leadership contender Rishi Sunak has found support within the Tory heartland sky rocket. With the leaking of  footage showing the former Chancellor explain with great cunning how he literally took money from the poor to give to the rich, hundreds of thousands of Tory party members have felt a tear come to their eye. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, long time true blue, Iyvgot Nosoul, mused whistfullly, "Some folks get tearful watching Eilish Mccolgan or Katerina Johnson Thompson come good at the Commonwealth Games but when I heard that Rishi Sunak had deliberately funnelled taxpayers money away from deprived areas of urban squalar that clearly needed it, to wealthy Tory suburbs that were already swimming in cash, like Tunbridge Wells, well I felt quite overwhelmed."  “This is just the type of person we want as our leader and Prime Minister to restore pride b...

  This was posted yesterday on Twitter by Sandi Toksvig in response to Justin Welby's recent affirmation that gay sex is a sin. Definitely a case of of the Queen taking an Archbishop. Check mate!  Dear Justin,  "I know we’ve never met and I probably should call you ‘Your Grace’ or ‘Your Eminence’ or something but I wish we were friends. If we were I’d call you and say “Justin, Justin, what are you doing?” "We’d have a chat and maybe I could persuade you that you have made a horrible mistake. It’s what friends do for each other." "So, you and your other religious pals got together at the Lambeth Conference and the main take away seems to be that gay sex is a sin. It was a sin in 1998 and you just wanted to make clear in 2022 that no one in your finely frocked gang has moved on from that." "Seriously, with the state the world is in, that is what you wanted to focus on? You didn’t have other more pressing matters like, I don’t know, war or poverty...