26th August The Good Old Days: When numbers were letters

In breaking news that has possibly already broken, Grace Under Pressure can reveal that this years GCSETQI+ pass rate has fallen dramatically compared to the two years when it was just made up by teachers and Gavin Williamson.

In a shocking revelations this years GCSETQI+ results have found that no matter how many hours students spent trying to complete assignments, hand in portfolios and memorise facts, their efforts could never ever match teachers simply awarding vastly inflated grades just to try to ensure people thought all their on line teaching during lockdown was really top grade

Meanwhile in visibly disturbing scenes up and down the land, parents who went  to school 'back in the day', have been confronted with the almost impossible task of having to maintain a poker face whilst mentally trying to convert exams grades given as numbers into proper exam grades that used to be given as letters in order to work out whether their child is a possible savant or a right old thicko. 

Sometimes this tension is only broken when the equally confused child is able to utter the magic phrase that brings smiles all round, 'It's like an old fashioned B.'

For all those who didn't get the grades, having spent far too much time making Tok Tok videos, you can only cower in the shadows as TV crews interview their cleverer and more attractive classmates who are odds on to get laid over the summer. But fear not as their sadness now well be really good preperation for all the other crushing disappointments and desperately underwhelming choices life is going to throw at them now they have left the safe cocoon of the school playground.

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm whether there is still a higher percentage of girls than boys who are able to look pleased with their results and jump into the air at the same time. But we suspect its true.