Grace Under Pressure 2

  T onight TOM and I had a jolly into Nottingham to see Barnum:the circus musical at the Playhouse. Normally we would go in by tram but as its half term the council have used the reduced no of commuters to do some essential maintenance closing the line we would have travelled on for the last three stops into the city. So it was a trip made by car, which due to being able to park for free as a result of TOM's blue badge turned out to be less expensive than two return tram tickets. Based on the story of PT Barnum, probably made famous to many by the original show featuring Michael Crawford or more recently The Greatest Showman with Hugh Jackman, this version featured Lee Mead, winner of one of those innumerable talent shows on the TV, and to be honest a better singer than either of the other leading men. As for the show its self it was a real visual treat with absolutely everything you might expect to find in a circus, there on stage, sometimes so much so that you really didn't k...

Local ice cream man, Ivor Cornett, is worried that if the current spell of hot weather continues he might actually have to buy some ice cream to sell rather than his usual offering of weed, ketamine and valium. Regularly heard touring local neighbourhoods, the sound of Ebeneezer Goode by the Shamen having replaced the more usual melodic nursery rhyme based tunes, the ice cream van has been the perfect cover for his door to door delivery of 'pharmaceuticals' even in the depths of winter when anyone out on the streets actually wanting to buy ice cream must already be off their tits on something. Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure's very own Raspberry Ripple loving reporter, Ivor Cornett revealed, "Normally the parent are in no fit state to even notice the van is around never mind come to it, but the kids have been trained like Pavlov's dog to respond to the music. So they do the leg work, get a 99, a Rocket lolly or a Screwball as well as an under the c...

  Then Nicola Sturgeon might actually have 'seen' the £120,000 motorhome parked on her drive and wondered...'now how did we afford to buy that?'

 According to Tomaz Scaffernake and every other weather presenter appearing on UK television, today was going to be a hottie. Whether the weather was going to be hotter than other weathers and whether anyone outside of weathermen / women / non binary forecasters, was indeed bothered about what the weather was going to be like didnt seem to matter. Stiil at regular 15 mins intervals ( not to be confused with isobars) whether we wanted to know or not we were told in no uncertain terms that todays weather would be hotter than other weather we had experienced on another day in May. Even hotte than the last hottest day in May. In fact today was going to be the biggliest hotness ever. In order to keep cool Tomas advised people, whether they cared about the weather or not, to do really cool things. This might include putting your pets in the fridge, keeping elderly relatives submerged in an ice bath and watching that documentary about Emperor penguins on TV. And for those people who were ...

Sometimes booking a holiday is the easy part. Deciding what you want to do on that holiday is another matter especially if that holiday happens to be a seven day, gone in the blink of an eye, cruise. But today, after many false dawns and premature starts we have finally got our s%$t together and sorted out Norway 2026. Or should I say I have sorted it out and TOM has agreed to pay his share of the cost. So setting sail towards the end of July we should have, in addition to all the things we are going to find and many I suspect we will not discover on one of P&O's mega ships,Iona, we have booked a hop on hop off bus, a 2 1/2 hour fjord cruise, a trip on the Loen skylift, a train ride on the world famous Flamm mountian railway and a walk down the longest pedestrianised street in Norway. Which I am hoping will be enough to keep us occupied and not to much to exhaust us. Time will tell And in the planning we might even have stumbled upon a possible trip to the Canary Islands and No...

If anyone gets an e mail purporting to be from me about 'canned meat. Please do not open it. It's Spam

  Thanks for bringing the world into our living rooms

Having struggled with running over the past few months for a variety of reasons, mental, physical and emotional, last week I set myself a challenge. To see if I could simply run 3 miles a day for a week.  Now I say simply but when added together those three mile jollys for 7 days would in fact accumulate to far more running per week than I would ever do normally. So in hindsite it wasn't as simple as it originally sounded. Or as easy!! The runs have been a mixture of runs with a couple of my local running groups, plus a few runs of my own. Two of them have been at 6am in a morning before many people days actually start. But by having the discipline to get up and get it out of the way early it meant I didn't procrastinating all day about 'should I run?' At the end of the week I managed 6 out of seven days but on several occasions I actually ran more than 3 miles and so after a week of pounding the pavemets and plodding along the trails I have managed to run 24 miles this...

  With the prospect of Arsenal winning the Premier League now a reality, the rest of the footballing world is bracing itself for Arsenal fans to become even more unbearable that they usually are, if they actually succeed in winning the double by managing to bore opponents PSG to death in the final of the Champions League on Sat 30th May . As the football season reaches its (anti) climax, 'the Arse' find themseves in pole position to win not just one but possibly two major footballing trophies for the first time in years. As such its supporters are now wandering around north London with sanctimonious smiles splattered all over their smug faces most people would only sport if they had won the lottery, be dating a super model or been the victim of a particularly bad Botox encounter  The result has left Arsenal in pole position heading into the final stretch of the season, prompting supporters to adopt the sort of serene, all knowing smiles that actually say “I told you so”...

    The countdown has begun in earnest

Now this might come as a surprise to some of you but I have been to see Take That in concert on two occasions. Both of them were at Manchester, the first time during their supposed 'Greatest Hits' tour which was performed in the round which was jaw droppingly good, the second a few years later which although still very good was just not as good.  Now don't get me wrong I didn't buy any of the CD's until all their hit singles appeared on one disc and I certainly didn't succumb to hysteria and dissolve into a puddle when they broke up. But I have always been interested in the dynamics of the band: the singer and songwriter Gary, the rebel Robbie, the cheeky chappy Mark and the other two Howard and Jason who were often wrongly derided for simply being 'back up dancers' Last night I settled down to binge watch my way through the newly released netflix documentary that looked back at the bands career and tried to highlight when, where and why it all went so r...

  Just eins...again

 

  So a little jolly out to the cinema this afternoon for TOM and I to see The Devil wears Prada 2, or would it be The Devil wears Primark. The first film was a cracker and gave much food for thought in the exploring Faith through Film series that I have  run for many years.  In a surprisingly empty theatre, although perhaps for many a 1pm showing was a bit early, we settled down both to enjoy the film but also to work out just what outfits we might be able to copy for our next Norwegian cruise, seeing as the principle actors appeared to change clothes every scene. As for the film it was good but I think because it featured many of the same characters from the initial version and as such their persona, cutting comments, put downs and general role in the plot was already known (too well known) to the audience there was little new to the overall script. Still it did give me the thought that I might well base by future ministry in Borders Mission on the character of Runway ch...

     

  Showing the world once again that he has his finger firmly on the pulse of important things, President Donald Trump has spent his first day of his visit to China refering to the president of China as President Eleven. Despite repeated attempts by the Secret Service to inform him of his numerically inspired linguistic error, President Trump continued to stick to his guns resulting in very confused looks from translators who were just amazed that President Trump even knew what Roman numerals were.  

  All news across the UK was cancelled today as every news reporter in the UK squashed into Downing Street like a giant game of sardines to report that there was actually no news to report on.  Throughout the day at regular and irregular intervals, news reporters with their finger on the beating pulse of the news, brought the news hungry public news updates that there was no actual news that was deemed news worthy. Not that that stoped Chris Mason, Beth Rigby and Henry Zefferman from attempting to interview absolutly anyone who might have some actual news. Meanwhile in breaking news..there is no news about any possible news worthy of being actual news.

  Last week I returned to running with the Hucknall Harriers, thinking that there would be safety and anonimity in numbers as I tried to dedisciver my mojo. Monday saw what I can only decribe as the longest 6.12 miles I have ever run. You know the kind when you look at your watch after running for what has felt like an eternity only to discover that you have actually run quite a lot less distance than your heart, lungs, legs and mind were indicating you had. Thankfully there were other strugglers and stragglers to keep me company. Then on Wednesday I ventured out again with the same group on what was advertised as a medium paced medium distance ( 4.5 miles) jolly around the old Rolls Rocye aerodrome estate. The only thing 'medium' about it was I thought thats how I would be communicating with this world.  Well they say that a fool doesn't learn by his mistakes and here I am to prove that very point because tonight I have ventured out once more with the Hucknall Harriers (an...

 

  Such is the depth of the current cost of living crisis that even satanic entities have been forced to cut their cloth to suit the current economic times.  In what some observors are calling a 'very fashionable' upload, whilst others maintain its just the usual old twaddle, Grace Under Pressure's very own catwalk correspondent can reveal that even 'Old Nic' is feeling the pinch.  Where once, according to popular myth the prince of Darkness, (that's the devil by the way and not Prince Andrew to ease any confusion) adorned himself head to tail in Prada now the latest offering from Primark are very much the rage. Austerity measure in hell have meant out have gone the £1000 Egyptian cotton shirts to be replaced by 3 for £10 brush nylon garments which given that they are not really designed to go anywhere near a naked flame is proving a bit of a problem for 'him downstairs' as you might expect. 

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure can reveal the possibly true and loosley factual based account of a man seemingly being threatened by a former member of the Royal family whilst out on a walk. Speaking in a world exclusive, local Norfolk man, Simon Sixfingers revealed, "I was out for my usual evening constitutional round the Sandrigham Estate, which I have to admit has been much safer since us locals no longer have to be on the look out for Prince Philips increasingly erratic driving."  "Anyway there I was minding my own bees wax when I felt a sudden nip in the air and so I had just reached into my pocket and pulled out a balaclaver to put on my head when I found myself confronted by a man I can only decribe as the man formely known as Prince Andrew."  "At first I thought he was on the phone with one of those ear piece things. Turns out he was just talking to himself, something about 12 million quid for nothing, Jeffery this, Gilaine that, Donald the other...

  After hours of study, on line classes and face to face tutorials today is D Day for Reform voters as the moment arrives when they discover whether all that training will bear fruit and they will manage to be able to finally draw an X. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, Reform voter Stoptha Bowtz, revealed, " Yeah I been practicing really hard. I started off just being able to make a really big smudge using paint on my knuckles. Then I did some attempts just using my finger. over the past few months I've started using crayons but still struggle to stay inside the lines".  "And then just when I thought I'd got it right using a really fat pencil held in my really fat fist, I got sidetracked and ended up drawing what the local police informed me was a swastika. And I'm not sure if that will count or not?"

  with thanks and acknowledgement to Dave Walker for this very topical cartoon

  He, Him, She, Her, They, Them, You, Us, What, The, F%$k. Just when you thought that Sam Smith couldn't get any stranger. You discover that you were wrong. So very wrong. 

    In breaking news shepherds in England have been forced to abandon any plays to round up their sheep today as its an official ban collie day.

    Strange as it might sound, one of the most 'satisfying parts of my job is leading a funeral. Its the one occasion in life, if you'll excuse the pun, that people really don't know what to do. Being there to faciliate ensuring that a family gets just what it wants when they say goodbye to a loved one is a real blessing. And when a funeral goes really well, there is an added sense of satisfaction.Today was one of those occasions.  Andrew was a familiar face not just in church but around town. Having spent all his life in teaching,  been blessed with a wonderful ability to play the piano / organ and possessing a warm and gregarious personality it was not surprising that both the crematorium and church services were packed.  Add to that his affiliation to a variety of religious groups, it was lovely to see Buddhists mingling with Anglicans, Quakers chatting to Catholics, and Methodists in conversation with those of no faith at all. It was Andrew's belief than it ...

Over the past few weeks I have been reading a book entitled  Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less. In a vocation where more and more of my collegues are having to take time off or even curtail their appoinments due to the unreasonable demands of their circuits, churches and even themselves, I thought it would make appropriate bedtime companion. It is, it has to be said, quite scientific in parts, attempting as it does to back up it's advice with 'hard data' and so I have tended to skim read some of the more technical stuff. But overall it is proving to be an enlightening read. It suggests 10 ways in which rest can and should be seen not as the opposite or work but as a tool that actually allows us to work better. These are divided into 6 areas that stimulate creativity... Limiting intense work to 4 hours per day   Having a good morning routine   Walking   Taking a nap   Stopping when the going is good   Sleeping   And 4 areas that help to sus...

  Just for my new bargain brand carbon plated running shoes. Sabastian Sawe watch out...I'm coming after your marathon world record!!

Feeling in a rather reflective mood as the 4th month of the year winds to a close I thought I'd upload this today. Written and performed by Ray La Montagne on the David Letterman show back in 2010, this is the utterly magnificent and heartbreaking. 'like rock and roll and radio'. One man, one guitar and an entire sudience holding their breath.     "I can feel your hand in mine, though we're loving separate lives in separate places"