Grace Under Pressure 2

Northumberland cops call in 'Special Branch' Sir Michael Gamb-gone Stationary minister denies delay in delivery of Hb2 pencils 'Multiculturalism has failed' declares British Asian Home Secretary to British Asian PM NASA unable to confirm if space rock does indeed have the word 'rock' running all the way through it Karl voted least funny of the Marx brothers 'Speeding fines to fully fund NHS by 2026' says Mark Drakeford After exhaustive selection process Murdock selects his son Sycamore Gap to be renamed just Gap  Brexiteers faces inner turmoil having to cheer Europe in Ryder Cup  Overworked fireman claims to be burnt out  Amazon Prime unable to deliver Gettysburg Address

A 16 year old apprentice lumberjack has returned from his first day on the job not quite sure that it's the profession for him and questioning whether he should have been a plumber like his Dad. Speaking in an exclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure his mam Shirley explained, "He was ever so keen to get there early, so keen in fact that he left well before it got light. And it must have only been some sort of induction cause he was back home by 8am. He just went straight upstairs and shut himself in his room. I suspect he's just worn out, I mean me bairn's barely bit enough to lift up a chain saw never mind do any serious damage with it. " "By the time I got back from taking the little un's to school, well he didn't seem to have any enthusiasm for his new job. All I could get out of him was that he thinks he has fallen victim to some sort of initiation prank that went a bit wrong". "He didn't really want to talk about it but when I...

In an amazing twist that just couldn't be written, with the 5 month long writer's strike in the USA appearing to have come to an end, watchers of Netflix, Amazon Prime, Sky and other subscription services are bracing themselves for a deluge of hastily produced series all about the writers strike. With the first box set entitled ' I have the right to write, right?' expected to drop by the middle of October, subscribers are faced with the option of cancelling their subscriptions or being subjected to wall to wall multi episode (and possibly seasons) of hastily produced productions featuring scripts and actors that will make Hollyoaks appear full of potential Oscar winners. All of which makes Grace Under Pressure wonder if the actual writers in Hollywood were actually onstrike during their actual strike. Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure, Ivan Idea, spokesperson for the Producers' Guild of America said "you couldn't make it up if you tried ...

So time for another tune me thinks. This one caught my ears last week driving back from the Local Preacher's meeting, something that is enough to test the patience of even the most saintly of saints. And then this drifted through the airwaves and the dark night got just that touch brighter. I knew who it was pretty much straight away; Matt Berninger, front man and singer with The National, has a voice that is so distinctive. What I didn't recognise was the tune. Turns out it is a collaboration with the wonderful Bon Iver entitled 'Wierd Goodbyes'. It is a song that I assumed would be found on their latest CD but according to various internet forums apparently not, which begs the question, if this stunner didnt make the final cut, just how good are the ones that did? Per chance I need to splash the cash and fins out. accoring to Berninger it's a song about "letting go of the past and moving on, then later being overwhelmed by second thoughts. Mourning the loss o...

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure has issued a nationwide alert to all those who woke up today feeling fit, healthy and decidedly less than average with the realisation that they could be spending far more time being paid to stay at home instead of going into work. Speaking in a virtually true exclusive interview, Hucknall resident, Fitazza Fiddle, revealed, "Imagine my shock when I discovered that my healthy lifestyle was actually affecting my life in unforseen ways, meaning that I am actually well below the national average of taking 7.8 days a year off work because of ill health." "It turns out that all of my mates are throwing 'sickies' in order to go the races or take an extended weekend away. Some have turned malingering into their main hobby, whilst muggins here has been battling on through aches, pains and splutters to get into work." "Now with just over three months of the working year to go, I find myself way behind the average. Personnal...

  In celebration of National John Day yesterday, here is a little montage of just some of the things I have been teaching my student Nikki that college will never ever teach her about ministry.      

  It just made me chuckle!!!

In a move that represents the massive political U turn happening right now in this country, following not just one but two by election victories in the past 12 months, the Liberal Democrats have had to double the amount of space needed for their current conference in Bournmouth, This has been a logistical nightmare for head of resource procurment' Cressida Farquahar Ponsenby Blthye, who has had to undertake a frantic last minutes search for an additional tressle table, book two more single rooms at the local Premier Inn and upgrade the Friday night get together at Waggamama's to a table for 18. With absolutly no chance of coming to power in any way shape or form the conference has so far seen leader Sir Ed Davey promise everyone one in the country their own medical team on standby 24 / 7, every child a unicorn to ride, every teenager a place at an Oxbridge university and every pensioner fully paid health care in a castle or a trip to Dignitas. "Speaking to Grace Under Pres...

  A 59 year old man from Hucknall was today undertood to be quite confused over the governments plans to give every househld in the UK seven different bins, one to match every colour in that song about a rainbow.  Speaking in an exclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure's very own rubbish reporter, Hucknall resident, Bagferr Life, revealed that trying to work out which of his current four bins he needs to put out every Monday night is already affecting mental health and well being. "I already have to wait to see what my neighbours have put out before I can even think about putting mine out. And then I just match whatever they have done even if one or both of the bins is completely empty. It's all about keeping up with the Jones or in my case the Thompsons, Griffiths, Boyds and that f&$%*£g grumpy couple ot no 14. Any more bins would make it a nightmare". "Rishi Sunak's plans to standardise waste collection in England by giving every household bins sol...

  Woke up with it. Still have it. And it's no yoke!

In what many political analysts and seeing as an 'innovative move' Prime Minister Rishi Sunak yesterday launched his attempt to reach net zero support by 2025. With his announcement that to offset the delay in introducing non petrol driven greener cars into the UK, he will instead increase the number of green coloured cars on our streets, the PM has well and truly put the 'mental' into 'environmental'. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, government Transport spokesman, Ivan Audi, revealed, "This is surely a move that will appeal to everyone concerned with the fate of our planet. Green is a very soothing colour on the eye, indeed I think it is Greta Thunberg's favourite part of the entire spectrum, something which she is most definitely on."  "It will give a great boost to the economy by creating jobs in the lead based paint industry where numbers of fit and able workers are falling due to 'unrelated' health issues".  "And in re...

You are never too old to learn. And people are never too young to be able to teach you things. This is my latest ear worm, one that I was alerted too by the 13 year old daughter of my student Nikki. It's a song by Ryan Henderson and Matt Carins, who are the founder members of the group called Hollow Coves. Who you might ask are 'Hollow Coves' because that's what I did as I had never heard of them. Turns out thay are an indie band from the Gold Coast of Queensland in Australia. And this is a song that I really like called 'The Woods'  And this is a lovely quirky remix that I think I like even more  

As the nights begin to draw in comes the realisation that there are not many evenings left for the bold and the beautiful to head out onto the trails. Well not many left without kitting ourselves out in everything florescent and luminous, whilst playing Russian roulette with hidden holes, gnarled tree roots and low hanging branches. And it's either that or plod round the streets of Ravenshead!! Over the past couple of months, with the diary relatively free of evening meetings, I have managed to get out and run with either the Hucknall Harriers or the Ravenshead Runners; sometimes a combination of runners from the two joining up to form one group. The locations have been different, the pace has been 'varied' at times but it has always been good fun. And I think I am slowly but surely getting better / fitter.  Oh don't get me wrong I am still at the back of the group and am pushing my limits while others simply skip along without any effort whatsoever. But those hills don...

 

  Brought this back with me from synod yesterday. Together with the reminder that we have been blessed to be a blessing to others. .  

There are many different ways that people get ready for synod. For those at the host church preperations might start a couple of days beforehand with some frantic last minute things to do on the day. For those leading worship, an early arrival might be neccessary to set up equipment and do a soundcheck.  For those presenting reports or videos, it's checking that your presentation and its acconpanying AV material is uploaded and runs properly. For those simply attending it will mean working out possible car shares, the route to get there, ensuring you have remembered a packed lunch and then praying...praying you can actually get a space on the car park. As for me, someone who is never ever enthusiastic about going, the way to get ready for todays synod at Littleover, in Derby, could have involved the 5km Park Run in Markeaton Park. But with a 9am start that was cutting it fine for a 10am start at synod.  So instead I decided to do and out and back 5 mile run at Casington Water,...

In a move that has shocked and horrified his parents, desperate to have some kind of respite after years of constantly having to look after him 24/7, four year old Sam Wilkins has announced that school just isn't for him. Despite a week in which he has met loads of new potential friends and had the chance to explore, encounter and engage with lots of new activities, five days has been more than enough for Sam to declare he's had enough of school and what's happening next week.   Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure, Sam revealed, "It was alright for a day, a bit like going to Centre Parks, but then when I realised we were just going to do the same stuff over and over and over again for the next 12 years at least. I mean just how much crayoning can someone do before it starts to get a bit dull?" "And I'm sure my mum is missing me being at home all day so for everyones mental health and well being I'll just quit right now so the status quo c...

  In an exclusive virtually true interview, Kate Midleton, Princess of Wales and Queen in waiting, has explained how she was lucky to escape with only a fracture after she 'almost' lost a hand in an altercation with a vending machine that refused point blank to dispense her chosen selection, despite her being right Royal and all that. Kate who was visiting a prison, possibly as a trial run for going to see Prince Andrew later in the year, revealed how she had been overcome with the mid morning munchies earlier in the week during a visit to a local hospital or hospice or some other do goody event. Having managed to cadge a quid from one of her security guards, Kate fancied having a break with an Orange chunky KitKat only for the machine to swallow her coin of the realm without relinquishing said confectionary. Having unsuccesfully tried to get a refund and then secretly tried to rock the machine back and forth in an attempt to relese the dangling Kitkat, her royal highness was l...

With news that Britain's biggest pub chain, Stonegate, which owns Yates and Slug and Lettuce franchises will increase their prices during peak hours, 'Spoons have hit back by announcing they have been increasing the stickiness of their 'carpet's during prime time drinking for years As the Stonegate Group revealed that 800 of its 4,000 pubs will introduce "dynamic pricing" during evenings and weekends, rival drinking emporium 'Spoons owned by everyone favourite landlord, Tim Martin, responded by revealing to those unfortunate enough never to have been in own of his pubs their very own dynamic textile tackiness depending on what day of the week it is. Following a swift once over with a Dyson Drip Master on a Sunday morning, Tim Martin reminded Grace Under Pressure that the adhesive level of the floor increases with each subsequent day, going from Mohito Monday, through Tia Maria Tuesdays, Wicked Wednesdays, Tequilla Thursday, Flaming Sambuca Friday and Slo...

If and when I can remember to listen to the Jo Whiley show on Radion 2, I often come across a hidden gem. Most frequently it happens in the car, the time when I listen to the radio the most, as I am driving to or from a particular meeting, or as was the car last night trying not to get the seat of my car very wet as I drove back from my running in the rain. She played this, a song entitled 'Better Man' by a young artist from Leicester called Sekou. And when I say young, I mean young, just 18, but with a voice that belies his years. His voice or perhaps style of singing reminds me a little bit of the first time I heard Lewis Capaldi sing 'Someone like you', that rawness that gets to places other songs can't. Arriving home, even before I had removed mu sodden clothes I just had to listen to it again on the interweb. I suspect you might find yourself doing that too.  This is Sekou, with the brilliant 'Better Man'  

Standing in a haphazard circle of pacers and plodders in the car park at Burntstump, like a secret gathering of Runners Annonymous waiting to start either a speedy or sedate jaunt around the local woods, we all smiled when one of the assembled athletes happened to say, 'well it looks as if the BBC weather forecast for a sudden downpour isn't going to happen'. Less than 5 mins later and a mere 400 meters into a 4 and 1/2 mile run and the heavens opened in biblical proportions. I'm sure I saw a man buildign an ark through the trees. Not only were there cats and  dogs but a whole other managerie of animals falling from the sky so that within minutes I don't think I could have been any wetter. Not just wet but trying to navigate in glasses that has steamed up! Having said that, running in the rain is so much more fun than running in 30 degree temps, trying not to trip up over half hidden tree roots in the fading light s and splashed through ankle deep puddles hoping I w...

Hopefully tomorrow I can stop running in order to stand still, as it has been a busy few days.  Friday, although it is a day off, seemed to be pretty crammed as TOM can to stay for the day. And not wanting to remain in the same old routine of reading the Daily Mail from cover to cover, we headed out for the church coffee morning and an opportunity to try to glean some information from what I will term ' regular cruisers' as TOM has decided that a river cruise might be the order of the day for next year.  Then it was a sedate stroll around Burnstump Park before lunch out. We had planned on a little excursion to the Bennerly Viaduct in the early evening but with temperatures still soaring that was put on hold for another day. With TOM fed and dispatched back to Matlock by 8am on Saturday, it was time to go and set out the churches stall for Hucknall Community Day organised by the Rotary Club. It was a chance for the church to get out of the building and into the community But I ...

 

Gingers up and down the length of the UK have been advised not to even think about opening the curtains today. never mind consider actually going out. Record September temperatures that can fry eggs and melt candles will mean that anyone who is remotely ginger has been warned to simply stay in a darkened room until at least Monday. This in part explains why Prince Harry went to pay his respects (ha!) at Winder Castle yesterday rather than risk being liquified in today's heatwave.  Strawberry blondes and those of a fair disposition are also advised to exercise great caution about venturing out after 8am. For those who are friends of 'Gingers', as perverse as that might sound, should carriy around an emergency fire blanket should they see their Ginger besties about to spontaneously combust as the sun moves out from behind a fluffy cloud. BBC weatherman Tomaz Schaffenaker has predicted that temperatures  will cool enough next week making it possible for Hucknall's first e...

Back in swinging sixties the whole idea of a prison break seemed to generate a very different response in the general public to what it seems to do today.  In July 1965 most of the UK seemed to be on the side of the escaped convict as Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs  scaled the walls of Wandsworth priosn with the aid of a rope ladder before dropping into a waiting removals van. Seen as a bit of a contemporary Robin Hood, although he never actually appeared or even intended to give to the poor any of the dosh he stole from the rich,  the hot pursuit of Biggs by  DS Jack Slipper acoss the globe had large swathes of the population cheering everytime Biggs managed to escape the long arm of the law. A long arm that stretched all the way to to Australia and Brazil. At the time of going to press the publics enthusiam for the prison break achieved by terror suspect Daniel Kaliffe from the very same prison that Biggs fled, doesnt seem quite so enthusiastic.  Even though ...

Out with 'Levelling Up' and in with 'Holding Up', that's the new slogan emerging from Conservative head office today.  Having given up on trying to polish the turd they have made of school buildings during the past 13 years, the government has today attempted to roll said turd in glitter to make it more attractive to teachers, parents and school children by adding the new 'Holding Up' course to the national curriculum. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's educationally substandard scribe, government spokesperson, Thatza Bigcrack, revealed, "This decisive action undertaken by the government a mere 10 years too late, will finally help to rectify the fact that we have sat on our arse for well over a decade. It will also help small school children work on their upper body strength by holding up susceptible bits of ceiling and walls."   "This innovative and forward thinking strategy will drastically reduce the need for any additional funding f...

Not Secretary of State for Education Gillian Keegan that's for sure!!

In an amazing revelation Grace Under Pressure is the first virtually true on line blog to reveal that a favourite bible story from your childhood might be even more made up that you realised.A revelation that might well result in you boycotting one of your favourite Sunday School action songs in protest. In the tale told by Jesus as recorded in Matthew's gospel the tale of the wise and foolish builder has until today been regarded as a story about building one's life on the words and teaching of Jesus. Those that do, well their house / life will stand firm. Those who don't well we know how that story ends. Or do we? Recent archeological excavations however have revealed compelling evidence that is it in fact not that one of the properties was built on sand that was at fault in this biblical building project but rather that the walls, roof and floor as a result of using RAAC. This was simply a recipe for disaster. This has opened up a whole can of worms with Biblical scholar...

So with a morning off work, one that gave me a good couple of hours to try and get down the stairs on my Bambi legs following my back to back trail runs over the weekend, I thought I'd just kick back with this.  It's an undiscovered little gem by an up and coming artist by the name of Phil Collins,who with a little bit of luck might have a big future in the music business. Co written by the late great John Martyn, this is the sublime 'Tearing and Breaking'. Enjoy.  

You would think that any normal individual would be able to notice pretty quickly that Friday 1st September is followed by Saturday 2nd September. So the question is why didn't I?  This weekend I should have been down in Cardiff with TOM, partly for a weekend away but also to watch Andrew's investiture as his Bishopness of Wales, but Covid intervened. And so finding myself with a free weekend I looked to see if there were any organised runs. and before you know it I had signed up for two, only to realise after signing up that they were back to back literally being on Friday Night and Saturday morning. Ouch. First up was the Great Longstone Chase, a run that I have done twice before. Last year we were met by 12 hot air balloons on a brillianty clear autumn evening and then pre pandemic, I apparently must have hitched a ride in a balloons such was the time I ran which I have never come close to matching. Climate change might have melted glaciers but what it hasn't done is mad...

   Kicking off one of my favourite months of the year, this is Daughtry with an acoustic version of, yes you've guessed it, 'September'