13th Sept 'Spoons hit back


With news that Britain's biggest pub chain, Stonegate, which owns Yates and Slug and Lettuce franchises will increase their prices during peak hours, 'Spoons have hit back by announcing they have been increasing the stickiness of their 'carpet's during prime time drinking for years

As the Stonegate Group revealed that 800 of its 4,000 pubs will introduce "dynamic pricing" during evenings and weekends, rival drinking emporium 'Spoons owned by everyone favourite landlord, Tim Martin, responded by revealing to those unfortunate enough never to have been in own of his pubs their very own dynamic textile tackiness depending on what day of the week it is.

Following a swift once over with a Dyson Drip Master on a Sunday morning, Tim Martin reminded Grace Under Pressure that the adhesive level of the floor increases with each subsequent day, going from Mohito Monday, through Tia Maria Tuesdays, Wicked Wednesdays, Tequilla Thursday, Flaming Sambuca Friday and Slops Saturday.

Mr Martin concluded, "A trip back and forth to the bar which would take mo more than a couple of minutes on a Monday, will due to spillage, take approx three times longer by Saturday lunchtime and provide not just a refreshing beverage but a lower body workout as customers try to prise their feet off our carpets which still carring a tray full of drinks. Unless of course you're one of those w&%$£*s who just sit on their arse and just use the app."


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