Grace Under Pressure 2

  Sometimes there is a once a year chance to play a particular song. Today is one of those days. As August rolls to a close this is the most perfect song to exit the month with. I uploaded it last year and the year before that if my memory serves me well, and there is a very good chance I will upload it again next year. Released on their 'Long Road to Eden' CD, this is The Eagles at their very best, blending as it does the melancholy voice of Don Henley, a tune that ears worms itself into your brain, a chorus that just asks to be sung and fade out harmonies and playing that are simply to die for.  If there is a better way to say goodbye to August and Hello to September then I don't know what it is. I make no apologies for playing it again, just as I am sure you will be hitting the repeat button once you have let it wash over you, in you and through you. It's comin' on the end of August Another summer's promise almost gone And though I heard some...

The inital euphoria that swept the red half of Manchester last last week has been somewhat drowned out by giggles eminating from the 'noisy neighbours' after it was revealed that the signing of the season is not quite what it promised to be.  Instead of securing the signature of the former Real Madrid and Juventus goal machine, Christiano Ronaldo, for the bargain bucket price of £12 million pounds, red faced officials at Old Trafford have today discovered that they have agreed to pay an estimated £500,000 a week to acquire the service of 83 year old retired painter and decorator, Chris Tiano Ronald Oh. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own touchline terror, Mr Ronald Oh expressed his surprise at the sudden turn of events that have seen him catapulted from tending the grass at his local bowling green to treading the turf at the Theatre of Dreams. "I had a strange phone call down the allotment from some Riof Erdinand who told me told me 150% that Manchester United ...

So seeing as I was home alone after our little jollies away, it was a chance to go and run, and todays little venture took me to the grounds of Belvoir Castle (or Beever as the locals pronounce it) for what was advertised as a 10km trail run.  Just over 30 miles from here so pretty easy to get too even if I did manage to miss the turning right near the entrance and ended up doing an entire loop of the castle grounds to bring me back to where I originally went wrong. Perhaps this unexpected and excessive use of the clutch might have accounted for the heaviness in my legs...lol Gathered under a murky, misty sky waiting for the B of the bang, it was slightly disappointing to hear it was going to be two loops of a 5km course as opposed to the 10km look I had been studying on Youtube from previous events held at the castle. The disadvantage of a double loop is that you know you have to repeat any nasty uphill sections again for a second time. Strangely the propspect of running any downh...

Team GB were today reeling from the diqualifications of one of its possible gold medal winners when Dobbin was sensationally disqualified from the dressage event for not being as disabled as it had been claimed.  Channel 4's jockey on the spot, Claire Balding revealed, "Under strict IOC guidelines, athletes can only compete against athletes with similar levels of disability and the paperwork submitted by Team GB had claimed that Dobbin was only very minimally autistic. Unfortunatly when tested under strict IOC conditions it was revealed that Dobbin was very autistic indeed and actually able to draw, paint, sculpt, build, compose, write and even do a little dancing to music. In fact some would say Dobbin had better coordination and could foxtrot better than many of the Strictly Come Dancing contestants. As a result Dobbin has sadly been disqualified from the event and will be turned into glue over the Bank Holiday." Not wanting to be caught on the hoof by its rivals, Grace...

Oh how I did giggle and guffaw when the host of the Airb&b we stayed at in Hull left the following comment re our visit...John and his Dad were lovely guests. 'Dad' didn't find it quite so amusing for some reason, whereas my sides are still sore from laughing so much. So having had more than enough of Skegvegas for one lifetime, Father and Son headed inland from the Costa del Cheap and towards the final destination on out whistlestop tour, a place famous for its links with the Magna Carta, the city of Lincoln, and our gorgeous airB&B, less than a km from the cathedral. This is a place not to be confused, as Google seemed to be, with Abraham Lincoln, Lincoln Nebraska or the Lincoln automobile. And in answer to the question why Lincoln, well after Skegness, anywhere would have been an improvement. Lincoln is yet another city that has succumed to the art trail, this time the installations being Imps. According to a 14th-century legend, two mischievous creatures called ...

Winston Churchill once remarked that he was very glad that he had visited the city of Calcutta simply because it meant he would never have to visit it again. TOM and I wish to echo those sentiments but this time with reference to Skegness. The last time I was in this particular part of Lincolnshire I was winning the beautiful baby contest at Butlins, and let me assure you that beauty has not dininished one iota. As for TOM well his last jolly was in 1991 when the highlight of his visit was seeing trip advertised away from Skegness to the then new wonder of the north, the MeadowHall Shopping centre. Fueled by a Spoons breakfast, even thought we mistakenly ordered the small instead of the traditional, we said goodbye to Hull and headed over the bridge (£1.50 toll) towards the delights of Lincolnshire under threatening skies . An unremarkable journey saw us arrive in SkegVegas just before midday to be quizzed by the owner of our B&B, not to be confused with AirB&B, whether we were...

A peaceful, dream filled night and we were raring to go. Well ok we were ready to go. Oh okay we were resigned to having to get going. And the plan today was to visit the Streetlife museum and then who knows where we might end up. The weather had clouded over as predicted by Tom, Carol and Owain but that was fine even if if meant that the 'grim' from nearby Grimsby hung overhead. The Streetlife museum was not a tribute to the Randy Crawford song of the same name but infact a museum about the street life of Hull down through the ages with various installations showing, cars, trams, docks and shops. It wouldn't win any prizes in a museum of the year competition but it helped to pass an hour and was free. Unlike the East Riding museum which was also free but which in hindsight I would demand to be paid if ever I was forced to go in it again. Thankfully a double dose of Hot Cocolate in Spoons revived the spirits and we were off again just to wander around parts of the city we h...

In an amazing revelation it appears it doesn't seem to matter how loudly you shout at a sat nav, if it thinks you should turn left into the GPO sorting office then thats what it wants you to do. Even if thats not really where you have set your heart on going. Welcome to day 1 of our little jolly to the East Riding of Yorkshire' Under a lovely blue sky we wandered along the bank of the Humber to admire the bridge whilst questioning everyone we encountered on route as to how long it actually was.(the actual answer is 2,220 metres or 1.4miles for any oldies reading) Then after a beef and ale pie that contained all the bits that had been rejected for a similar meal in Earby (the hoofs, beaks and claws) we located our more than adequate AirB&B at the top of lots and lots and lots of stairs. And as we were conveniently right in the middle of the old part of the city we set off to explore. Following in the footsteps in recent years of open air art trails that have featured a varie...

So let's kill two birds with one stone today. It's been a little while since we had any tunes and so to set the scene for part 2 of my 2021 jollies, here are a trio ot toe tapping treats from Hull's finest ie The Housemartins, Everything but the Girl and the Fine young Cannibals. Let's build a house where we can stay Add a new bit everyday Let's build a road for us to cross Build us lots and lots and lots and lots     If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the colour of my heart Blue for the tears, black for the night's fears The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart   We're caught in a trap I can't walk out Because I love you too much, baby Why can't you see What you're doing to me When you don't believe a word I say?

It's a fine line between success and failure. If you were a member of the GB 4x100 men's relay team then 0.01 seconds was the difference between winning gold and ending up with silver. Or perhaps the difference between winning a medal and being disqualified will be a few mls of anabolic steroid only time will tell. With regards a park run, the difference between feeling like a world beater and a very, very average also ran (excuse the pun) is roughly four minutes. Yesterday was my first park run for over 18 months, and although I have run in the intervening period (although yesterdays attempt wouldn't suggest it) this was the first time since Park Run came back into being a regular Saturday morning event, that I have taken my usual position towards the back of the field ready for the B of the bang. Or in my case the g of the bang! Bestwood Park park run is perhaps what could be called undulating with a couple of calf straining short, sharp climbs thrown in for good measure ...

Unlike Paul Simon, neither Tom nor I were' sitting at a railway station, with a ticket for our destination' and yet we were inextricably connected with the more diminuative member of the 1960's most famous folks group, Simon & Garfunkle, by the fact that we were indeed homeward bound, the final day of our Yorkshire based jolly.  Having packed and left our AirB&B in the manner we would have expected to find it, we hit the road headed for our first port of call Skipton. Leaving Harrogate and seeing a large billboard advertising 'Freeze Fat Reduction 50% off ' we wondered if this was referring to the amount of fat that would be lost or a reduction in the fee that needed to be paid? And we couldn't help giggling as we drove past a signpost for the location in which we were sure this procedure must take place, the wonderfully named Blubberbottoms! Skipton itself was a hive of activity with it being market day and unlike the other places we had visited most of...

So day 4 already and that meant a trip to the place where a grand old duke had 10,000 men, which was probably accepted behaviour for the nobility back then, whereas today you can't even force a 17yr old to grant you sexual favours without it being all over the press.  A mere 40 min journey on the train, curtousy of a special duo ticket ie 2 travel together for less, we joined the runners and riders also heading to York for a day at the races as part of the Ebor Festival. We had far less energetic persuits in mind other than to have a wander and see where we ended up.  It was the first time either of us had been in a big city since the pandemic started and getting used to the crowds, made up of the usual locals, tourists and race goers was indeed something that took a little while to get used too. But I think if this little jolly has done one thing, it has been that we have engaged with the real world far more than in either of our home locations. I am not sure what the highlig...

Whether it's old age, the cumulative effects of doing bugger all for the past 16 months or an almost fatal combination of both but being a tourist is suddenly hard work. Gone are the days when TOM and I could whizz round 101 places of interest in a city and still be up for more. Now the priority appears to be 'is it flat?' and how many places to sit per 100 m seem to be the order of the day, something that those uploading to Trip Advisor don't place very highly in their reports. After just mooching around the lanes and green spaces of Harrogate on Tuesday, with a little afternoon siesta thrown in to recharge the batteries, yesterday we headed much further afield, well 5 miles further afield if you want to be precise, with a little train trip to Knaresborough, famous for Mother Shipton and the petrified Teddy Bears. I don't know why they were so scared, perhaps if we had not been too tight to pay the £20 admission fee we might have found out. Still for those of you w...

So here we are safely esconced in our lovely Air B&B for the next few days, literally a stones throw from the centre of all the action in downtown Harrogate and its very expensive shops. Having done our Youtube homework before we came, after a quick 30 mins during which time we managed to transform a spotless apartment into something that looked as if it were home to squatters, we set off under what was by now a beautiful blue sky to explore the delights of Agatha Christie's once secret hideaway.  Well when I say explore what I really mean is to hit the Tourist Information and then have a sedate saunter and sit in the Valley gardens just soaking up the sun and admiring the scenery. A beautiful technicolour gardens that could really teach the YSP something about the appropriate provision and placement of benches! It was just nice to be 'away' doing something different from the usual routine that we have both found ourselves in for the past 16 months.  And that different ...

Well not quite Harrogate, more what we did on the way to Harrogate at the start of a little jolly to a location requiring more pre departure paperwork, innoculations and tests than a trip to many European countries currently on the red list. Yes, we were off to Yorkshire with our initial destination being the Yorkshire Sculpture Park or as TOM and I would soon refer to it, the Yorshire Imagination Park but more of that later. Part of the former Bretton Hall estate, the huge area of land just outside Wakefield was purchased by the local council in the late 1970's and transformed into a  'gallery without walls', the 500 acre open air offering a changing exhibition programme of internationally renowned artists and sculptures. All of which sounds really great if you have a great imagination. Under a grey overcast sky that intermittantly threatened to burst and drench us, we began to wander around the grounds that to my mind would have made a fantastic locaton for a trail run wi...

  Now that is a view... (Here I am captured in full flight on the Hob Hurst's run on Friday night.The rest of the runners obviously hadn't caught me up yet!)  Courtesy of Mehul Vaitha Photography

With only 90 mins of the Premier League season having elapsed, Manchester United fans from up and down the country, becaue that's where most of them live rather than in Manchester itself, are calling for the current season to be abandoned and United acclaimed champions. After managing to beat a Leeds United outfit that would have been outclassed by most Sunday league sides, the Old Trafford faithful have self proclaimed themselves worthy winners of the one game long season. Donning their rose coloured glasses with greater synchronisation than the cast of Reservoir Dogs, Sky pundits Gary Neville and Roy Keane both agreed that whilst yestedays display was fantastic, the current crop of players wouldn't have stood a chance against any of the United teams they actually played for. BBC football pundit, Rio Ferdinand, echoed these sentiments '160% Gary' fearing that United's current form will probably last only as long as Paul Pogba's hairstyle / mood.  At the time of...

For those of you with the memories of an elephant, you might recall a blog from a couple of years ago when I announced with great pride that I had just been beaten in a trail run by a chicken, a giraffe, Robin Hood and a man wearing a head to toe multicoloured flourescent lycra cat suit (a group of runners from Totley AC wearing fancy dress) Two years later the question was which other occupants of Noah's Ark would beat me across the finish line as I once more attempted Hobs Hurst fell race , a nice 5 mile jolly from the village of Beeley, just near Chatsworth House. As per usual 'TOM' thought I was mad to even think about going out on such a jolly and without looking up from a episode of Downton Abbey simply asked if I had actually made a will yet. Just in case. I bet Laura Muir doesn't have to put up with that when she goes for an evening jog in the hills. The route itself was, for a fell race, a reasonable one with only one after another of what felt like shor...

In what many are calling one of the best live versions of a board game ever staged, Team Taliban appear to have risen phoenix like from the ashes to gain a coveted final spot in the Middle East Risk championships. Playing the very, very, very, long game, one involving false diplomacy, bouts of sustained conflict, sudden unexpected alliances with their greatest enemies followed by a surprise move in which the entire team played dead for several years until their opponents thought all was quiet on the western front, Team Taliban now appear to be standing on the brink of a historic victory Entering the area to the pounding soundtrack of their anthem, 'Back in Black', In moves that left commentators stunned, Team Taliban successfully managed to roll the dice by eliminating major global empire builders the USA and GB in consecutive matches with a swift one two combination. This dazzling delivery managed to make major territorial gains in the northern city of Kunduz on Sunday, as wel...

Open today's newspapers and it's often difficult to know just what cause to champion, what issue of the day to campaign for or even against, what social injustice to try to fight.  Trying to decide whether to throw your weight behind issues of climate change, food poverty, fighting modern day slavery or FGM is a dilemma that would have contestants on Radio 4's The Moral Maze flummocksed. But those ethical nightmares pail into insignificance compared to the cause of a lone alpaca called Geronimo. Whilst the UN’s code red for climate extinction has caused many to furrow their brows, it has failed to strike a cord with the same urgency as the plight of a poor alpaca that has done nothing apart from catch Bovine TB, which is supposed to be meant for cows. Even the sire of our current PM, Stanley Johnson, (well I assume Boris is his) has jumped on the bandwagon of support, whose wheels must be creaking under the weight of celebrity protection and protest. Speaking to Grace U...

In an amazing academic anomoly, 36 yr old, Thickazza Brick, was aatounded to discover that just walking past his local 6th form college yesterday was enough to be awarded three A's and an A * grade in this years A level results giveaway. Unlike back in the early 1980's when exams were proper and you actually had to learn stuff, this years grades seem to have been based on how well you managed to suck up to your teachers during your online tutorials and infrequent in school sessions. Or buy them a not so annonymous Amazon gift voucher to ensure your route to a degree course in Media Misinformation is assured. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's extreemly educated editor, Hucknall resident, Thickazza Brick, revealed, "Yeah, like I was just on my way to Aldi n stuff. I was slouchin' past the local College when suddenly this man rushed out, shouted 'Eh up me duck here's your results', thrust an envelope in my hand and demanded that I open it. Imagine ...

In a rapid response to the UN's apocalyptic report on climate change, citizens of the developed world have all adopted a pensive look that suggests that they are very concerned about the earth's rapidly diminishing prospects of survival. Passing a unanimous motion, which is probably funnier than I intended the words to be, they are unanimously agreed that something really important should be done as soon as possible provided it doesn't involve them personally doing anything, anytime soon. A government spokesperson announced that whilst agreeing that wholsesale lifestyle changes were required, if a global meltdown is to be avoided, these would only be implemented if they were not too inconvenient and didn't cost votes. Foreign holidays and trips overseas would automatically be banned, unless they involved going anywhere warm, nice or involved with meeting face to face anyone who might attend COP26. Cars would be replaced by eco friendly public transport, except when it...

  Despite his parent's attempts to cram his name into every single interview, much in the same way American athletes have to cite the name of Jesus as nauseum, Albie Kenny, almost 4 year old son of Britain's favourite bike riding duo, has revealed he's just not that interested in what his mum and dad are doing in Tokyo. In an exclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure filmed late yesterday afternoon from his home in Chelford, Cheshire, Albie Kenny revealed that he was fast asleep when his parents won all of their medals in Tokyo. "To be honest," said almost 4yr old Albie, "I'm just not that interested in cycling. It's all a bit repetative getting strapped onto the back of Mum or Dad's bike and just going round and round and round and round. They seem to like it but it just bores the tits off me." "It doesn't really matter whether they go really fast, ride behind a teeny tiny motorbike or in the middle of a huge group of others, it...

A petition from mining communities up and down the land has this morning reached almost 60,000 signatures in an attempt to have Margaret Thatcher postumously awarded the unwiting Eco Warrior award for 1985.   This comes a mere 48 hours after gaff prone Prime Minister Boris Johnson exclusivlely revealed to Grace Under Pressure that Margaret Thatcher was in fact a trailblazing eco warrior back in the mid 1980's even though noone knew about it, not even Boris, until the spontaneous thought suddenly entered his head a couple of seconds before he spoke it. Now in hindsite her environmental credentials just seem so obvious. Just pacing their images side by side and one is suddenly struck by the similarities betwen milk snatching Margaret Thatcher and school skipping Greta Thunberg. Put her in a tree hut and its amazing how she magically morphs into the eco crusader Swampy.  According to as yet unconfirmed rumours the sinking of the General Belgrano on 2nd May 1982 was in fact one ...

With the news that Lionel Messi is parting ways with Barcelona after 20 years sending shockwaves around the beautiful game, football fans up and down the land are indulging in their ultimate fantasy that the world's greatest player might swap the sun kissed beaches of Spain for the chance to get his shins kicked to shit on the hail swept mud baths of England Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, FIFA 21 video game expert, Gizza Pass, revealed, "Messi has the football world at his feet and could chose to play for any team in the world. He could plump for Paris St Germain and link up M'Bappe and Neymar. He could chose Chelsea and pockets some of the millions Roman Abramovich's very deep pockets are filled with."  "Or he could show he really is one of the worlds best players by coming to play at wild and windy Wigan on a wet Wednesday in January.  We won't be able to match his current salary but he can have all the pies and Uncle Joe's mint balls he can eat...

Watching the sprinters I already knew I didn't have the same level of speed. Watching the gymnasts I knew that my inability to touch my knees never mind toes, left my levels of flexibility far short of theirs. Watching the syncronised swimmers I was aware that my coordination even on dry land could never match their mixed movements underwater whilst holding their breath. Watching the weighlifters I knew I could never possess the same level of strength. Watching the boxers I instictivly new I would always be beaten to the punch. Watching the speed climbers I knew I didn't have a head for heights. And watching Tom Daley, I knew that i would never be caught on camera knitting a GB team cardigan.  And then yesterday I found myself watching the hip jiggling, bottom wiggling 20km walkers, an event that has often drawn the comment 'what the f^%$ is that?' only to discover, and I had to double check what I was seeing, only to discover that by just walking, they covered the 20km...

In honour of GB's youngest Olympian, paint company Dulux have revealed a new addition to their ever expanding range of colours with the release of 'Sky Brown'.  According to the publicity blurb, this new hue has the ability to transition its colour from a current shade of burnished bronze through shimmering silver to a potentially glittering gold over a period of time. Available in silk, matt and gnarly, Sky Brown should not be confused with Farrow and Ball's recently released Kye Whyte or for those with even longer memories the good old fashioned crwon favourites Dai Greene and Roger Black. Dulux recommends Sky Brown for decks, boards, rails and half pipes.Remember to allow plenty of air or you'll be hung out to dry.

As Team GB accumulates even more bling in Tokyo, A&E departments up and down the land are bracing themselves for a veritable deluge of Olympic related accidents as children, and parents who should know better, suddenly feel both inspired and equipped to attempt a 360 backflip on a clapped out Raleigh chopper.  This follows on from the often repeated advice offered by medal winning GB athletes to those who struggle to even put on a pair of trainers that everyone can achieve their dreams. Dreams that have the potential to turn into calamatous contusions and concussion. Strains, sprains and seizures on back garden trampolines are predicted to be the major sources of injuries as armchair athletes suddenly find themselves channeling the combined spirits of Bethany Page, the Gadirova twins and Tom Daley, hopefully without the knitting needles. The British Athetics association is already behind a drive to turn the energy of school bullies into a barrage of bumps, bruises and ban...

After huge levels of hype that had many BBC commentators moist with anticipation, a quick glimpse of Laural Hubbard's snatch failed to impress the Olympic judges at the Tokyo International Forum . Perhaps on reflection she should have stuck to the jerk and clean. This follows hot on the heels of Belarus' failure to medal in the individual snatch that took place at Tokyo Heneda airport earlier this week.  In another wooly story, at the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure can confirm that Tom Daley was not attempting to knit himself a muff whilst watching the diving earlier this week, as it is widely known in sporting circles that he has no interest in one of those at all. Unless of course it was a present for Claire Balding?  

  At the time of going to press Grace Under pressure is unable to confirm the rumour circulating around Salford Quays that Professor Henry Higgins has been hired by the BBC to help Alex Scott deliver her lip smackin, first quenchin, ace tastin, mowtivatin,  good buzzin, cool tawlkin, 'igh wawlkin, fast livin, ever givin, cool fizzin Olympic commentary in a manner that is palatable to the aural canals of Lord Digby Jones.   Should she fail to grab the part of Eliza Dolittle in the remake of 'My Fair Lady' the BBC is hoping to make the most of Ms Scott's linguuistic laxity as summer cover on Radio 2 for Steve Wright's Serious Jockin' (no G)

Following the inclusion of 'sports' such as skateboarding, surfboarding, sport climbing and karate, Team GB oficials have already begun to lobby the IOC to see if it can get other 'sports' included in time for Paris 2024. Ones that GB might actually have a chance of medalling in. The possible list of new events includes... Flytipping A white transit van, a two-man team of heavyweight athletes, and 80 pounds of mixed builder’s rubble to be disposeD of under pressure and possible cover of darkness. Experts predict that the GB team would be back in the pub after illegally dumping six sacks of household rubbish and a broken fridge-freezer in a hedgerow before the Russian team had even parked up. The 14-pint town centre pub crawl An event involves planning and pint supping. With extra points beign awarded for number of kebabs consumed, public memorials urinated on and druken brawls initiated, the GB team will be hot favourites to triumph over their lightweight wine dr...