1st August The petitioning starts now


Following the inclusion of 'sports' such as skateboarding, surfboarding, sport climbing and karate, Team GB oficials have already begun to lobby the IOC to see if it can get other 'sports' included in time for Paris 2024. Ones that GB might actually have a chance of medalling in. The possible list of new events includes...

Flytipping

A white transit van, a two-man team of heavyweight athletes, and 80 pounds of mixed builder’s rubble to be disposeD of under pressure and possible cover of darkness. Experts predict that the GB team would be back in the pub after illegally dumping six sacks of household rubbish and a broken fridge-freezer in a hedgerow before the Russian team had even parked up.

The 14-pint town centre pub crawl

An event involves planning and pint supping. With extra points beign awarded for number of kebabs consumed, public memorials urinated on and druken brawls initiated, the GB team will be hot favourites to triumph over their lightweight wine drinking opponents from France and Italy. Whether GB would have a combined team selected from across the UK or simply have inter city play offs to determine the best local team is yet to be decided.

Bagging a bargain in a charity shop

This most quintessentially British of pastimes would see a tough battle between bargain hunters from across the world. Extra points will be given for haggling down the price of items especially if any funds raised were due to head for really worthwhile charities. Expect expert coaching for Team GB members from Tim Wollacott, Fiona Bruce and an already bronzed David Dickinson

Hanging dogshit in a tree

Almost as much a national sport in the UK as rugby is in New Zealand, the balance, poise and grace required to scoop up a poop in a black plastic bag and then leap to decorate the nearest tree in a local park, bridle path or country lane is without doubt the ultimate Olympic sport. Expect some stunning choreography from the British synchronised pair performing to a backing track by Snoop Dog.

Not making a fuss

In this exciting new sport, a pair of mixed athletes, possibly partners, are given incredibly bad service in a restaurant but must continue to say that everything is absolutly fine. Pre event predictions suggest the Americans would be out even before the menus appeared. The Australians would stuumble at the starters, the Germans would bail before the main, the Japanese would crumbe before the crumble. Only stoic and brave Brits would not complain even if their gespacho was served boiling hot and poured into their laps.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6th May Olbia

Image
  A chance to stretch our legs today with our first port of call; Olbia, Sardinia. And it was a quick stretch too due to it being only a five hour stay. Up bright and early, so early in fact that the hot food at the buffet wasn't even ready to be served. Still it gave us a chance to watch the ship glide into port past a host of oyster/mussel beds, before performing a 180 degree turn to reverse into it's berth. A couple of short bus rides later and we were in downtown Olbia. But there an hour or so before anything appeared to open, the disadvantage of being early birds and something we don't seem to learn! Not that Olbia had a great deal to see or maybe if we had done the slightest bit of planning beforehand there might have benn but we didn't. It was pleasant enough but that's about it. It was pleasant enough but nothing special, indeed we were back on the ship after just a couple of hours ashore and then managed to sleep away most of th...
Read more

7th May Naples

Image
 I'm sure I've heard the phrase 'see Naples and die' suggesting that it is perhaps not the nicest location in the Mediterranean but if it's good enough for Diego Maradona fir a few years then it's good enough for me for 10 hours. Although the millions of tax free pounds he was paid might have eased his stay. By the time we got up, washed, dressed and up to The Kitchens, the rest of the ship were already there. Compared to the Marie Celeste of yesterday it was absolutely packed, presumably with people having breakfast before heading out on 8am excursions, our excursion was simply going to be the city of Naples itself as possible trips to Vesuvius, Pompei or the Amalfi coast would have been too much / tired.  So on a day when the weather initially seemed uncertain, we jumped aboard route A for the Hop on Hop off bus and headed out into the mayhem that is the Napoli traffic where it was every van, car and scooter for the selves. I think it's bes...
Read more