10th August Does anyone else thinks it's hot?


In a rapid response to the UN's apocalyptic report on climate change, citizens of the developed world have all adopted a pensive look that suggests that they are very concerned about the earth's rapidly diminishing prospects of survival. Passing a unanimous motion, which is probably funnier than I intended the words to be, they are unanimously agreed that something really important should be done as soon as possible provided it doesn't involve them personally doing anything, anytime soon.

A government spokesperson announced that whilst agreeing that wholsesale lifestyle changes were required, if a global meltdown is to be avoided, these would only be implemented if they were not too inconvenient and didn't cost votes. Foreign holidays and trips overseas would automatically be banned, unless they involved going anywhere warm, nice or involved with meeting face to face anyone who might attend COP26. Cars would be replaced by eco friendly public transport, except when it was easier to travel by taxi, buses or train. Supermarket food would also become more seasonal and possibly vegetarian, with the limited exception of overseas produce and meat. Lots of meat.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's eco friendly editor, one concerned citizen, Kat Astrophe, revealed, "Everytime I go to the supermarket I buy a bag for life just to support Greta Thunberg. Sometimes I buy one and I've not even done any shopping.I like to think of her smiling as I pop my unneeded purchase in a kitchen cupboard. And if the world comes to an end, well I'm a Bhuddist so I've got enough bags for life to cover all my possible reincarnations."

 


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