30th August Ronald Oh signs for Manchester United

The inital euphoria that swept the red half of Manchester last last week has been somewhat drowned out by giggles eminating from the 'noisy neighbours' after it was revealed that the signing of the season is not quite what it promised to be. 

Instead of securing the signature of the former Real Madrid and Juventus goal machine, Christiano Ronaldo, for the bargain bucket price of £12 million pounds, red faced officials at Old Trafford have today discovered that they have agreed to pay an estimated £500,000 a week to acquire the service of 83 year old retired painter and decorator, Chris Tiano Ronald Oh.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own touchline terror, Mr Ronald Oh expressed his surprise at the sudden turn of events that have seen him catapulted from tending the grass at his local bowling green to treading the turf at the Theatre of Dreams.

"I had a strange phone call down the allotment from some Riof Erdinand who told me told me 150% that Manchester United were desperate to sign me. No sooner had I put the phone down than Fegie was on the blower although I'm not quite sure of the connection between the Duchess of York and football apart from her husband scoring a stunning own goal with that interview last year." 

"I knew their pitch had been problematic but wasn't sure I had the required skills. Until I saw the wages that is. Then I knew I was the man for the job. I just hope my sciatica doesn't start to play up. Who would have thought it, little old Chris Tiano Ronald Oh doing his stuff at Old Trafford. What will the Match of the Day lads have to say about that I wonder?"





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