Grace Under Pressure 2

 Up until a few days I had never heard of 'Walk Off The Earth', and to be honest I don't know much more about them a few days later, apart from the fact that they are an indie pop band from Ontario, Cananda.  What I do know is that I really like this little tune, one that uses just voices, drums and cymbals. But what wonderful voices they are!    So as this pretty grim year rolls to a an end, here is a little light to illuminate the darkness. Turn it up, sit back and enjoy.  when did the simple things get so complicated?    

Horologists in the small Nottinghamshire town of Hucknall were today still trying to work out of it was Tuesday, Wednesday or indeed Thursday following the interuption of Christmas. Looking at the calendar in order to provide a solid reference point proved little help as noone was able to remember what day it was yesterday ,except the day after Boxing Day. Turnng on the TV provided little insight with most of the presenters on Breakfast being unrecongnisable from the usual familiar sight of Naga, Dan, Charlie or the other one who always appears, so it wasnt even possibe to exclude weekends.  And even when Breakfast had finished the usual programs through which one is normally able to plot a course through the week all appeared to be absent from the schedules and replaced by endless repeats Noticing that most of the neighbours had put their red bin out was equally unhelpful as it couldn't be worked out if the collection day remained the same or had been shifted on account of the Ba...

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure is today able to reveal the identity of the person the World Health Organisation believe is the source of the new wave of Covid infections that began to appear worldwide within a 24 hour period, as a certain Mr S. Claws, 1 North Pole Avenue, Way Up North. The first infection was spotted in New Zealand just after midnight on 24th Dec with the wave soon spreading westward at the rate of a flying sleigh. A seasonal worker who somehow manages to cram his entire working life into a few weeks leading upto Christmas, Mr Claws spoke exclusively via zoom to Grace Under Pressure's very own jingle jabbed journalist. "One of my reindeer did have a cough and a shiny red nose for a couple of days last week but I didn't think anything about it," Mr Claws began, "I mean seasonal sniffles are par for the course in this line of work and have you ever tried doing a lateral flow test on eight uppity reindeer and a horde of little helpers. As I h...

  This is the latest little dittie to find itself firmly lodged in my head over the festive period when the black hole that is the interweb has an increased abaility to suck me in. It is a song by the group Gorillaz, a side project of Damon Albarn, lead singer of 'Blur', and a man like several others from the Brit Pop era whose voice just gets better and better with time. So here you have two versions, a toe tapping live version that might well get you shuffling on the spot and a stripped back more reflective version. Enjoy both. you are my medicine when you are close to me  

Having discovered that despite being able to drive a JCB through a blue wall of polysytyrene blue bricks, he is not going to be the saviour of anyone or anything, Boris Johnson has decided to channel the spirit of Jesus by telling everyone that what the world's favoutite Jew wants us all to do at Christmas is to get 'Jingle Jabbed'. This according to Mr Johnson is the way we can love our neighbour, having discoved that his way of loving his neighbours just ends up with unexpected pregnancies and ever expanding brood of offspring. Boris also went on to remind anyone still listening to him, that Jesus also told people that they should forgive others their mistakes and intentional lies. Unfortunately biblical scholars were quick to point out that even Jesus' mandate of 70 x 7 would not be enough to forgive all of Boris' misdemenours this year. At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm Boris Johnson's claim that his cheese and wine afte...

  My true love gave to me...two turtle doves Which just so happens to be the name of the seasonal saunter I have just completed. The Totley Two Doves race to be precise, a just over 5 mile jolly on the outskirts of Sheffield.  I'd like to report how it helped to blow away the cobwebs after a hectic couple of days. I'd like to say I ran under a cloudless blue sky and enjoyed fantastic views. I'd like to say that I left 'Elizabeth' my running nemesis from Long Eaton trailing in my wake. I'd like to say i beat my time on the same course 2 years ago. I'd like to say unlike those brave souls who ran in just a singlet and skimpy short, my arctic survival outfit of mulltiple layers was a far better choice of running attire. I'd like to say I enjoyed it. Unfortunatly I can say none of those things. The weather was cold and so misty it was hard to see 25 ft in front esp on the exposed secrions across the moor. The ground was either very muddy or like running thro...

  You have been warned!  

  A beautiful version of In the Bleak Mid-Winter sung by Kate Rusby. "If I were a wise man I would do my part''

Panic stricken that you are having to host 'the family' over the festive season and you know they will be expecting wine? Worried you are unable to tell your chablie from your chardonnay? Fear not because here is Grace Under Pressures handy dandy festive guide to not looking like a complete dick in the wine aisle at your local Aldi. Things to beware include Wines from countries you wouldn't go to on holiday or have never qualified for the World Cup Wines that feature foreign words on the bottle Wines that had been desribed with phrases normally associated with an outdoor space or require you to smell it to know if it's any good Wines in a dark bottle because it's not clear if its red or white Wines with a cork   Things to look out for Does it feature an animal because you can't go wrong with wine that features a kangeroo, buffalo or flamingo? Will it go with an a la cart Christmas menu, left over Boxing Day casserole and most things available from Deliveroo ? Do...

    Palaeontologits in the north of England were whipped into a frenzy of excitement and a chorus of 'Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones' yesterday after the discovery of what they thought was an 8ft long giant millipede.  First spotted in 2018 when a large block of sandstone fell on to a beach at Howick Bay, researchers had guestimated that the giant millipede had between 32 and 64 legs. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure,  Dr Doug Deeper, from Newcastle's Department of Dinosaur Discoveries, had proposed that, "the giant millipede lived approx 326 million years ago, when the north-east of England had a much more tropical climate than today". Unfortunately this morning his bubble has been burst when the fossilised remains turned out not to be those of a giant millipede but of a group of 24 party goers who appear to have spontaneously sat down for an impromtu version of the  'Oohps upside your head' dance floor classic on their way way home from a night out ...

  Cast your mind back to May 2020, when your knowledge of the letters in the Greek alphabet was zero, and ask yourself the question...when is a working lunch not a working lunch?  Well the answer seems to be it is if you are gathered in the Downing Street Garden alongside up to 17 other non socially distanced people enjoying bottles of wine and an extensive cheese board at the end of what might well have been a long day at work or the end of a really hard week in the office.  If on the other hand you had gathered together with a few colleagues on the Forest Rec, armed with a mere four bottles of Speckled Hen and a large sausage roll from Greggs, to simply unwind after lets say a 12 hour stretch in an ICU, trying to deal with irrate customers in Aldi or working unprotected on a city centre bus, then of course that is a criminal offence for breaking lockdown rules. Not that it's one rule for one and another rule for others. I mean that would be ridiculous wouldn't it? Here ...

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure can reveal that  the Conservative Party Nativity play has been cancelled. The reason behind the postponement is still unclear but it is suggested that whilst there were way too many asses,  it has proved impossible to find wise three wise men or a single rising star for anyone to follow and certainly no potential messiah. If only we had someone we could all truss(t)

 But this is a real Chrismas cracker. One of my favourite Christmas song, 'River' is perhaps one of Joni Mitchell's most well known tunes. So here, because I just wanted to spoil you, are three cover versions of this seasonal classic. Sit back and as Joni sings, just skate away.          

Is it just coincidence that following yet another 'it cant get worse' event in Toryworld, yesterdays Secret Santa resulted in everyone being given exactly the same present, a set of knives. Purchased with no more than £25, each set of stunning sharp knives came with a simple gift tag upon which was scribbled the new Tory party slogan "Stab to save" A staple of many firms, companies and offices, a Secret Santa usually sees a wide range of gifts being givn as people use their imagination to try and find what they hope will be an appropriate o occasionally very inappropriate gift for a colleague. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, Tory party, sorry work gathering, spokesperson, Bellov Theball, revealed, "After a difficult few months slopping through scandals regarding slease, second jobs, cash for questions, back bench rebellions and then this weeks disasterous election result in North Shropshire, we had hoped that a Secret Santa would bring a little jollity at the e...

 is anyone else getting a sense of deja vu?  

Tired of waiting on line? Too mard to stand in the cold in person? Yet still desperate to get an extra shot of any Covid juice? Well fear not as the Christmas angels might say for Grace Under Pressure is here with a handy dandy guide to jumping the booster queue. Use a hack on the NHS website .  Whether its to unlock a phone, make your DVD player multizone or breaking into the Pentagon, everyone has been tempted to use a hack to gain an advantage. Now with the use of a simple code available 'just to you' for a few notes, just plug the hand station for an X box series S into your broadband socket, twiddle the knobe to the left, right, up, down then round and round, enter the 75 digit hack code and voila, you booked an appointment for 25 mins time. Now all you have to do is cover the 40 min drive and you'll be sorted   Use a resale site like Ezamug or Moremoneythancents .  As is normally the case the scalpers and their algorhythm bots have managed to snaffle up all the app...

In a dramatic legal judgement that has sent shock waves racing around the courts of justice,  8 reindeer were today released having been found not guilty of bully one of their herd In a welcome reprieve to Santa’s delivery schedule, the eight accused, who can finally be named after reporting restrictions were lifted. were released after a jury took only 35 mins to reach its unanimous conclusion.  Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen were accused of affecting Rudolph's mental health and well being by 'laughing and calling him names as well as not letting him join in with any reindeer games'.  The jury however found no evidence and simply offered Rudolph the advice that he should try 'growing a pair' instead of whining and snivelling, which is what many thought had caused his red nose in the first place Rudolph tried to claim that there was in fact 'another reindeer', who was the leadeer of this unceasing torment, known by the pseu...

  Everyone over 18 has been invited to book a booster and is able to used a computer, joined together in a mass hissy fit yesterday morning after waiting in a never ending queue in order to join a never moving queue for a booster jab Having found an even bigger dead cat to throw onto the table to try to distract people from the shenanigans in Downing Street last year, this impossible target of vaccinating a million people a day will do little to boost Boris' popularity. To help battle the incoming ‘tidal wave / tsunami / flood / kahuma of Omicron’, all over-18s are now eligible to head to the NHS website, where they can attempt navigate its punishingly dull pages, and still fail to book an appointment after being trapped in what might feel like limbo. In the process one can run through ones entire vocabulary of swear words, shooting them at an apparently frozen computer screen, with zero effect. And whilst the government attempts to make the entire populatiion s%$t itself followi...

Carrie Symonds welcomes big baby no three to No 10 Pope Francis declares that all sins are not major; some of them are minor(s) allegedly. Winter storm Barra is blown out of proportion Climate change activist, Greta Thunberg claims that only 62% of Christas cards now have snow on them Littl Mix finally give music fans a break after 10 year of aural torment As the Conservative party leader denies all knowledge of party, the Party wishes it had no knowledge of its leader Covid expert warns that Pi varient could go on forever Criminal delighted after Domonic Raab announced that Police won't invesigate crimes that happened in the past

The ideal 10 km trail run is, without stating the obvious, one that is actually run on trails, either over the moors / fells, through a forest or within the grounds of a county park and consists of a single loop. Because many folks prefer to just run 5km, due to the popularity of Park Run, many events now offer two races within one with those wishing to do the longer 10km simply repeating the 5km loop.  I can understand the practicalities but it doesn't hold a great deal of attraction to plod the same pasture twice over, especially not at my pedestrian speed. So to discover that Saturday's little jolly in Locko Park on the outskirts of Derby was going to be a triple loop didn't fill me with too much festive joy. But I was here and it was in the grounds of a lovely local country estate so in for a penny... And on a reasonable day for a winter jolly we were off. Off dressed as Santas, elves, characters from the Nativity story, snowmen, Christmas puddings, turkeys and a whole ...

  It's time for the quick fire round.  Boris Johnson, whats on the card in front of you? "This week I commissioned a really thorough public inquiry into whether there was a Christmas party held in my house that I had absolutely no knowledge about." So is Boris telling the truth or is it a lie  

     

Members of SAGE are today said to be extremly worried about the R rate currently infecting Downing Street, where R is the rate of sleaze, scandal and socially unacceptable behaviour found within the Tory Party.  According to Professor Steven Powis, this is currently doubling almost every week with reports of infections of cash for lobbbying, second jobs for MP'S, Covid contracts, PM’s flat refurbishment, Johnson’s jaunt to Marbella, Parliamentary passes, how peerages are handed out, deleted and disappearing WhatsApp, attempts to sway watchdog panels and illegal parties in Downing Street appearing almost daily.. This follows on from critisism of the Prime Minister Boris Johnson who reported to the House of Commmons on Friday that following a whislte blower describing the chaotic evacuation from Kabul, he had done everything in his power to get as many Afghans out of the country as he could, together with several Alsatians and a Cockapoo When asked why the Metropolitan Police claimed...

In a bid to show he is just a man of the People, (and certainly not of The Mail) Harry Windsor-Markle has revealed how you too (and I suppose Me2) can just pack in your job if its causing you to have a bit of a mental. Question your purpose in life. Offering tips on his new podcast, Harry reflects on the things he asked himself when struggling with his well being. Things such as  Are you feeling unfulfilled? Do you get up in the morning wishing you didn’t have to go to work? Tired of dressing up in a uniform? Still not sure who your Dad really is? Are there things you’d rather do rather than waving, shaking hands and declaring things to be open? Would you prefer to just mess about with children, chickens and Californians? If the answer to any of these is even remotely yes, then just pack it all in and walk away. Ignore the trolls     Forget about all people who’ll try and play the guilt game by forcing you to stay in your current role. Ignore the voices saying ' B...

Visitors to the new winter wonder land attraction have certainly been left wondering just what all the fuss was about after the attraction was closed early by politically correct 'snowflakes' .  Plans were beset with problems, with environmental concerns landing the project in hot water right from the start. Faced with this climatic conundrum, many investors were left with cold feet about financing the project, all of which created a very frosty atmopsphere. That was the start of a very slippery slope and things just snowballed from there and it was soon evident that the whole thing was skating on very thin ice. The on line website has been snowed under with complains, many suggesting the entrance price was just the tip of the iceberg and that several of the rides were a real elf and safety risk.  Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own winder wonder, Operations manager Freza Metitzzoff offered little explanation exept to say, "These things are just santa try us...

   

After what was by all accounts a very Covid secure get together at the Downing Street Christmas party in 2020, this years Christmas bash at no 10 promises to be a real humdinger after organisers have decided to use Gislaine Maxwells 58 page booklet of instructions as a blue print for how their not so conservative bash will proceed.  With a list of food and drinks that should ensure most of the UK suffers shortages and an assortment of after dinner party games that would make Caligula blush, the question is who will be the first cabinet minister caught being kissed under the baubles. Getting in the festive spirit, it is rumoured that Jacob Rees Mogg has already sent greetings cards with instructions on how members of the Tory party should pronounced the remaining letters of the Greek alphabet, just in time for the arrival of the new varients during 2022-24.  Once these have been exhausted it is expected that a crash course in Egyptian hyrogliphics will be presented by never see...

Meghan, duchess of Montecito, is reported to be very, very relieved today to discover she no longer needs to spend almost her entire day scouring the Daily Mail both from cover to cover (and also webpage to webpage) to see if anyone has writen any really nasty, horrid and spitefull things about her, her husband, her children or anything she is interested /associated with. Slagging off her Dad and siblings is fair game however. Meghan's response to the latest cout ruling is expected to be revealed via a Netflix series early in 2022. This follows on from the $112 million dollar deal that the couple struck with the same media giant last year. The very same media giant that has produced the rather unflattering and possibly untruthful portrayals of the entire royal family including Harry's late mother, Princess Diana, in The Crown.  Whether season 8 will feature Meghan is unclear but rumours are already circulating in Westminster that Priti Patel is considering auditioning for the ...

Government minister for seasonal snogging, Sajid Javid, yesterday published the roadmap to enjoying a Christmas kiss with family, friend, colleague or complete strangers over the festive period. Mr Javid who admits to having tried to swap faces with at least three girls during his lifetime issued the following advice. 'Don't bother with a fancy chat up line, instead just waffle on about taking back control, protecting your borders and levelling up. With regards foreplay, well a quick lambrusco at an illegal Downing Street Christmas party should be enough to get you both in the mood. Then its finding the right location which in Matt Hancock's case was a back office complete with built in CCTV to capture the romantic moment for posterity.' 'Despite what you might have heard from the back benches, technique is not important, just go for it. Bitten lips, broken teeth, dislocated jaws and a tongue that will feel as if it had been rubbed with a cheese grater are all part ...

  A man travelling on the number 3A bus from Hucknall to Nottingham city centre was today under the impression that he was channelling the spirit of famous civil rights activist Rosa Parks when he refused, not to give up his seat, but to cover part of his face with a flimsy sheet of cloth for all of 35 minutes Feeling as if he were single handedly attemping to stop the forces of tyranny and dictatorship, much like the chap standing in front of the tanks in Tianneman Square whilst holding his Lidl shopping bag, 54 yr old Eza Knobedd repreatedly chanted ,  'I will not comply. I do not consent. I will not cow tow to the government' Grace Under Pressure has to admit that whilst not being destined for the top of Spotify's most downloaded songs this was in fact far more catchy than Pier's Corbyn's tuneless rant about a fart trying to escape your trousers, if equally futile Speaking briefly to our onboard reporter, Eza Knobedd explained his philosophy “I'm not sure q...