9th December The infection is spreading

Members of SAGE are today said to be extremly worried about the R rate currently infecting Downing Street, where R is the rate of sleaze, scandal and socially unacceptable behaviour found within the Tory Party. 

According to Professor Steven Powis, this is currently doubling almost every week with reports of infections of cash for lobbbying, second jobs for MP'S, Covid contracts, PM’s flat refurbishment, Johnson’s jaunt to Marbella, Parliamentary passes, how peerages are handed out, deleted and disappearing WhatsApp, attempts to sway watchdog panels and illegal parties in Downing Street appearing almost daily..

This follows on from critisism of the Prime Minister Boris Johnson who reported to the House of Commmons on Friday that following a whislte blower describing the chaotic evacuation from Kabul, he had done everything in his power to get as many Afghans out of the country as he could, together with several Alsatians and a Cockapoo

When asked why the Metropolitan Police claimed it did not have enough evidence to prosecute despite having two officers on duty outside No 10, a spokesperson revealed that said boys in blue were not in fact Bobbies on the beat but strippers hired for the party.

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure cannot confirm that Matt Hancock awarded the £120,000 contracts for party hats, fizz and nibbles for this event to his mates but it's quite likely. Thank God for the sane and sensible advice of Plan B which says that you should work from home but can still go along to your office party and snog anyone you want whilst there. Christmas is once again safe in Conservative hands.

 


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