22nd December How to be legless and not legless at the same time

  

Palaeontologits in the north of England were whipped into a frenzy of excitement and a chorus of 'Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones' yesterday after the discovery of what they thought was an 8ft long giant millipede. 

First spotted in 2018 when a large block of sandstone fell on to a beach at Howick Bay, researchers had guestimated that the giant millipede had between 32 and 64 legs. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure,  Dr Doug Deeper, from Newcastle's Department of Dinosaur Discoveries, had proposed that, "the giant millipede lived approx 326 million years ago, when the north-east of England had a much more tropical climate than today".

Unfortunately this morning his bubble has been burst when the fossilised remains turned out not to be those of a giant millipede but of a group of 24 party goers who appear to have spontaneously sat down for an impromtu version of the  'Oohps upside your head' dance floor classic on their way way home from a night out in Newcastle back in1983 and been caught in a sudden snow bomb freezing to death.

Close examination by Tyneside cultural historian, Geordie Lass, revealed the irrefutable evidence of very skimpy clothing, including several micro skirts totally unsuitable for the severe North East winters, together with the outline of a couple of broken stilletttos and an empty Bacardi Breezer bottle.