Grace Under Pressure 2

  Today we have been all at sea. Literally. Unlike on other cruises where our first day on board has been a sea day, on this particular itinerary it is the days either side of the half way point of our two week jolly that are our sea days. A last day for those heading home tomorrow to top up their tan, ranging across the colour spectrum from lobster pink to deepest mahogany, and for us almost the end of our first week on board. Sea days offer the chance to be up before dawn in order to aquire your sunbed from which you don't move all day. Or for the more adventurous you could go on a guided 4 lap walk round the running track, play cornhole, watch the kitchen staff carve fruit and vegetables, the housekeeping team fold towels into animal shapes ( we have already had a mouse, an elephant and a squid in our rooms), watch the waiters make cocktails, play a music quiz, have a go at line dancing or try ones utmost to avoid all those activities. I'll let you guess which optio...

And it's back to Puerto Rico and it's second biggest "city" of Ponce, which is pronounced Poncay for the uninitiated. And it was our first industrial port of the trip, with two giant cranes greeting our arrival, presumably there to help lift passengers from American cruise ships ashore!! And an industrial port means a free complimentary shuttle bus into the heart of the action. Now we like a shuttle bus almost as much as we like a tender ashore and as such as we tried to delay our departure off the ship until a 'later' start time, after another 6.30am awakening, by 8.45am we had twiddled our thumbs for long enough. As it turned out it was the right decision. The sky was blue, the temperature not too humid and with Discovery being the only ship in port, the crowds at a minimum. It was also the date of some local festival focused around the previous activities associated with its picturesque red and black "Dennis the Menace' styled fire station. T...

Welcome to St Criox, the tourist stopover with very little for tourists. Once again we were both wide awake at 6.30am, despite having stayed up way beyond our usual bedtime last night. Still it did give us the chance to watch the Carnival Dream cruise ship with 4,000 plus passengers on board arrive alongside us, framed with yet another arching sea rainbow. Although just how a ship full of 4,000 plus Americans can be anyone's dream is beyond my understanding. Still plenty of chance for TOM to continue his sledgehammer enquiries into "how y'all think Trump is doin'?" According to on board gossip even Captain Derek didn't think there was much to do in St Croix, unless the thing that floats your boat is rundown buildings, chickens and cars that would never pass an MOT in a month of Sundays. Our tour of the town completed in 30 mins, with 5 of those sheltering from another deluge, we didn't need to see the dilapidated fort or spend God knows how many d...

  So here we are in the US Virgin islands, St Thomas to be precise., which greeted our arrival with fabulous rainbow as we looked from the stern of the ship at the only other ship in port. A nice change after yesterday's veritable flotilla.  As will become a characteristic of this trip, we had made no plans other than to take the Sky Ride up to Paradise Point, a tropical equivalent of the cable car up to the Heights of Abraham in Matlock Bath. At 30 US each for the return trip lasting 7 mins each way it wasn't the cheapest trip but considering TOM's neighbour Emma had recently paid the same amount for 4 coffees in NY, I suppose that put it into perspective.  And the views from the top looking out across the deep water harbour dotted with islands, boats of all shapes and sizes plus a US aircraft carrier were stunning and we easily managed to pass 90mins just soaking in the panorama. After that the possible taxi ride to Charlotte Amelie vanished as quickly as the sudden ...

  Welcome to the great US of A or at least one of its protectorates, Puerto Rico. And as such we were up showered, shaved (well TOM was) and shat before 6.30am, in order to have breakfast and be in the queue for a ticket, ready to allow us to encounter US border control, something that everyone on the ship had to do regardless of whether they were actually going ashore or not. We were one of 5 ships in port today with our 2000 passenger vessel dwarfed by the others ships including Celebrity Eclipse and A??? of the seas, and we guesstimated that must have equated to over 15000 passengers in town today. So armed with boarding passes, passports and Estas we waited in line, fearing the worst which in this case was not being refused entry due to faulty paperwork but the fear of TOM asking the customs officer just what he thought of Trump, something he seems intent on asking any American he meets. As it was our paperwork was in order and TOM was too concerned with why I had to ...

  Well almost 11 hours sleep seemed to do the trick. Up before sparrows fart alongside a group of other folks who had all flown in yesterday and were struggling adjusting their body clock. Once the Island buffet breakfast had opened we took our place at the pointy end of the ship and tried to work out where the component parts that make up a good breakfast actually were. First I could find a knife and fork but not a spoon. Then the bacon but not the toast. Or the butter. Hopefully this will get easier over the next few days. Unlike previous cruises that we have been on where the first day has always been a sea day, offering an opportunity to slow slip into the rhythm of the cruise, and familiarise yourself with the ship, today has been our first port of call as Isle Catalina. And yes that rang just many bells for me as it did for you.  From our anchor point out in the bay, there didn't look to be a great deal there and it was only the fact that last night's cruise newsletter...

  Today I have spent a good percentage of my time trying not to make 'that face'. Apparently it's one that I make quite regularly even if I don't know I am making it. But according to TOM I make it quite lot of the time especially when we are doing something together. That could be a trip out shopping, a visit to the theatre, or even just staying in the house and watching (trying to decide what to watch) on TV. But holidays are a prime example if where it might happen. A lot. It might happen whenever he makes out that he has never been to an airport before and doesn't know what to do, or is never had to find his passport and ticket. It might appear when he hasn't taken all the metal things out of his pockets / off his body before security, or when he attempts to stand up from a chair using crutches as if its the first day he's had them. There is a possibility it could creep across my face as he struggles to put a small day rucksack on or has at...

 In recent years our holidays have started the day before our holiday has actually started. Confused, you soon will be. Flights out to cruises all seem to leave at unearthly hours and so as neither of us live on the doorstep of the airport, and one of us (I'll let you work out which one) being too tight to pay for an early morning taxi, it has meant travelling to the airport the night before.  On two buses that took almost half as long, and in the case of trips starting from the Mediterranean, longer than the actual flight there. Thankfully said bus trips passed without incident or indeed many passengers actually getting onboard. We were able to check in our luggage, that same day , didn't have any issues with our ESTA and were checked into our Ibis budget hotel a good hour before I thought we would,be.  And with not a single toy thrown out of the pram into the bargain. How long this run of good luck will last is anyone's guess...I am hoping till the 5th Feb at le...

  Not sure if I am going to be able to upload anything until the beginning of Feb as I am off on a digital detox, well a jolly round the Caribbean actually.  If I get the chance to upload the exploits of Tom and myself I will. If not then you will have to wait for the mega upload when its all over. Assuming I'm not in a San Juan hospital having overdosed on colourful cocktails. What a way to go.

  In a couple of days time it's Dolly Parton's 80th birthday. I'll just let that one settle in for a moment. 80. And so in anticipation of that remarkable milestone here are three fabulous versions of (un)questionably her best song. The wonderful Jolene.  

    8 year old Kevin Maguire was left utterly distraught today when after 6 days of utter heaven the water supply to his Kent home was restored. For the past week Kevin has lived out the fantasy of every child of simply not having to wash a single inch of his body, never mind that single solitary inch that his grandma is always so keen to inspect. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure a feral looking Kevin showed a maturity and appreciation of cultural icons beyong his tender years when he revealed, "if Quentin Crisp can declare that there is no need to do any housework because after the first four years the dust doesn't get any worse, suely the same can be said with reagrds the state of my face after a week without washing." At the time of going to press Kevin's grandma, Hilda, was unavailable to comment but close inspection of her Amazon Prime account and the recent purchase of some coal tar soap and an extra firm loofer suggests Kevin's ears are soon going to be raw...

  And most of them still functional...

    So thats the last one of being 61. and at times it felt like it might be my last one of any age. Having not slipped into lycra, (well not to run anyway) for almost 10 days, despite the sudden dip in temperatures tonight was now or never. It was the kind of damp cold night when one's breath came out in white clouds that hung heavy in the air, steaming up glasses and reducing visibility. Six of us, plus Ernie the dog, made it to the start line with a couple of others unfortunatly getting delayed on route by traffic and so missed out on the mix of trails, ice, squelching mud and fallen trees blocking the path.  As per usual I brought up the rear of the field, partly because thats where I always am, partly because of feeling physically and mentally tired and partly because with a little under a week to go before I set off on my next jolly afloat, I really didn't want to end up in A&E. And I wonder by this time next week just how far will I have got trying to drink my ...

...is very, very, very frustrating and mentally exhausting. Tune in from 20th Jan to find out how it all went     

Waves of panic are sweeping over the staff at the White House as to which one of them is going to have to break the news to President Trump that his 'Biggliest ever trade deal is not going to be quite as 'Biggly' as he thought once it's pointed out to him that Greenland isn't a rival competitor to the frozen food giant Iceland.

It's always best to start off the NY with the best of intention but also to ensure that those intentions are well and truly shattered by the middle of January.  Now somethimes these intentions, I am refusing to call them resolutions, are made at a time when the mind, body and spirit are all being overwhelmed with concepts such as hope, possibility and a complete lack of perspective. Jump forward a few days or even weeks and the cold dawn of reality finally shows just how foolish those plans were in the fist place. I mean, sat in the warmth of a comfortable armchair, doomscrolling the interweb,  what could sound easier than a 21 mile spring jolly around the Peak District, covering various landmarks, hills and 'edges'. Well how about this for sounding easier...not doing  a 21 mile spring jolly around the Peak District, covering various landmarks, hills and 'edges'.  I mean it's even easier to say. With the cold weather, the dark days and a 15 day Caribbean jolly s...

 

In a move that might very well explain why he is one of the world's richest men, Elon Musk, the man who makes Sir Keir Stammer look like he has a personality, has decided that is people wish to create porn on his X social media platform,that is absolutly fine providing they pay for the privilige. In what is considered by many a move that would have seen his have all of the Dragons in the den salivating to invest and guarantee he was hired as Lord Sugar's next apprentice, Elon Musk has decided  that if you pay to use the Grok AI image editing software on his X platform to create your own sexually explicit images of well basically anyone, then that's great. Great for business that is.  Not really great  to victims of misogyny and sexual violence.  But then again having empathy for victims of sexual abuse and exploitation isn't the best way to make your next fortune is it.    

  A 62 year old man from Hucknall has broken his NY's resolution of not shouting in rage at his TV screen, less than a week into 2026. I mean Celebrity: The Weakest Link, makes me feel as if I am a member of Mensa. I mean just how dumb can some of these 'celebrities' be. The correct answer is 'very'

In Christmas celebrations man mutinies over bounties.  Man who eats mints before going online to make short viral video is accused of using Tic Tac, Tik Tok, tactics. Tyson Fury, aged 98, announced 43 comeback fight having decided against retiring. Again  Sir Keir Stammer struck down with sudden speach impedimet as he find himself unable to say anything about Venezuela.  UK still not cold enough for postmen to stop wearing shorts Vegetarian Police to get serious in January Tomas Schaffernacker predicts is will there will be weather in 2026 In new citizenship test applicants are asked How many days was Liz Truss PM for? A.   Way too many        

  56 year old Hucknall resident, Ivan Xcuse, is today laid up unable to move any of his body parts after going all out on his NY fitness kick. Renowned couch potato Ivan, whose main form of aerobic exercise is simply remembering to breathe, spoke from the supine position in his Lazee Boy arm chair. "My mantra is that it's better to go big or not go at all, so thats what I did. I put on the five toe socks to prevent blisters, the compression tights to ensure increased blood flow back from my legs, and the most ultra cushioned carbon plated Nike Superduperfly shoes." "I splashed the cash for a thermal regulating, sweat wicking, long sleeved top, topped by a gortex gillete  with go faster stripes , angora bobble hat, lambswool snood and 3 million lumen headtorch. Throw in the running vest stuffed full of energy hydrating supplments and I looked the dog's bollocks." "But today I feel like I've gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson and ache in places I didn...

 

  Just remember this was the winner of the inaugural FIFA peace prize. After the actions of the past 48 hours I bet the Nobel committe are really kicking themselves that they didn't give it their peace prize to Donald but to the leader of the opposition party who El Trumps  has declared is 'not fit' to take over the running of Venezuela.

    An unexpectd treat only three days into 2026. From his forthcoming album called 'i/o' this is Peter Gabriel and the sublime 'Been Undone'  

    My true love (finally) gave to me (in a rather not very interested manner)... no Christmas card Nothing wrapped in paper  Two hot water bottles 6 bottles of rum 

  In breaking news Grace Under Pressure can be the first vitually true on line website to officially declare that today is either Tuesday, Friday or Saturday. Having worked his was diligently through an entire tub of Quality Street whilst waiting for the bongs from Big Ben, Hucknall resident Clive Curmudgeon, revealed, "My guess is Friday,” but nothing in life is certain under this labour government. I normally work it all out based on my bin colllection but thats just gone mental."  "A few months ago it used to be on a Tuesday, then for some unknown reason Ashfield Council moved it to a Thursday. Christmas week it moved forward a day and now this week I think its moved a day backwards, but with no indication whether its green or red bin so I've put them all out just to be sure. I know I voted for change but this is ridiculous." "If that fails that I can normally calculate it from the TV, knowing that if Eastenders is not on then it must be the weekend. Bu...