16th January All washed up

  

8 year old Kevin Maguire was left utterly distraught today when after 6 days of utter heaven the water supply to his Kent home was restored. For the past week Kevin has lived out the fantasy of every child of simply not having to wash a single inch of his body, never mind that single solitary inch that his grandma is always so keen to inspect.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure a feral looking Kevin showed a maturity and appreciation of cultural icons beyong his tender years when he revealed, "if Quentin Crisp can declare that there is no need to do any housework because after the first four years the dust doesn't get any worse, suely the same can be said with reagrds the state of my face after a week without washing."

At the time of going to press Kevin's grandma, Hilda, was unavailable to comment but close inspection of her Amazon Prime account and the recent purchase of some coal tar soap and an extra firm loofer suggests Kevin's ears are soon going to be rawer that anything found in the local butchers.

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