6th January Aches and pain

 


56 year old Hucknall resident, Ivan Xcuse, is today laid up unable to move any of his body parts after going all out on his NY fitness kick. Renowned couch potato Ivan, whose main form of aerobic exercise is simply remembering to breathe, spoke from the supine position in his Lazee Boy arm chair.

"My mantra is that it's better to go big or not go at all, so thats what I did. I put on the five toe socks to prevent blisters, the compression tights to ensure increased blood flow back from my legs, and the most ultra cushioned carbon plated Nike Superduperfly shoes."

"I splashed the cash for a thermal regulating, sweat wicking, long sleeved top, topped by a gortex gillete with go faster stripes, angora bobble hat, lambswool snood and 3 million lumen headtorch. Throw in the running vest stuffed full of energy hydrating supplments and I looked the dog's bollocks."

"But today I feel like I've gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson and ache in places I didn't even know I had. And all I've done is put the gear on. God only knows what I'll be like when I actually try to run. And as for that propsed pilates class!!!"

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