Grace Under Pressure 2

  Yesterday was a very, very, long long driving from the shores of Loch Lomond all the way back home. So here as a little present all the way from bonny Scotland are possibly my three favourite 'Scottish' songs.  Here are Kate Rusby 'Wild mountain Thyme', Mike Scott 'She is so beautiful' and King Creosote 'My favourite girl'.  Turn it up and drift..... And we'll all go together To pluck wild mountain thyme All around the blooming heather Will ye go, Lassie go? She is so beautiful I don't know what I'm going to do when I leave Except grieve That change at 2 min 48 secs....just heaven

So far on our Scottish adventure it is fair to say that we have not.... Listened to any Robbie Burns poetry Been to anywhere associated with Rob Roy Eaten any porridge Seen how kippers are smoked Worn any tartan Nibbled any shortbread Drunk any whiskey Shot any haggis Caught sight of Nessie Sailed on a loch Said 'Och eye the noo'  Had any tatties and neeps Noticed that many gingers Stroked a Highland cow Voted SNP Or taken a picture of the Harry Potter viaduct However today we did have our trossachs tickled which was very nice indeed

Yesterday we ended up doing plan A but via Plan B. Confused then just read on. We had toyed with the idea of going on the train to Oban for no other reason than it would be a trip on a train and thus temporary relief from 'the knee' Unfortunatly the knee was in no fit sate to be able to potter around Oban for the minimum 4 hours we would have needed to stay there in between off peak trains. So instead of the train we took the car, which in theory would give us the freedom to come and go as and when we liked. And for much of the route it ran parallel to the train tracks anyway. Another pleasant drive past a number of triangular peaks, a perfectly still loch offering stunning reflections and a lovely river crossing just outside the town, arriving in Oban was a shock to the system with the noise, the traffic and the people. I had been here was back in the very early 2000's on route to Iona with Ian and Shirley, so it was a little bit of a trip back down memory lane. With no pl...

Unless stately homes are your thing (and they aren't ours) or you can get out and walk, there isn't really a great deal to do in the highlands. Well yes you can travel to, sit at for a while and then return from where you have been, but apart from that. We have spent more cash on coffee and car parks than anything else during the past few days. With TOM having a knee that is behaving as if he had been the victim of a Nornam 'bite yer legs' Hunter tackle, mobility has been limited shall we say. An unforeseen bonus of this is that I am now well on my way to being recognised as a saint, such is the level of patience I have shown during the past few days. Our hotel has been invaded by a coach party, some of whom spent 12 hours travelling from various locations dotted around England on what is termed the 'Loch Lomond and West Highland Way' tour. One of them then spent what must have felt like the next 12 hours telling whoever was unfortunate enought to get sat near t...

So our thrill ride in Pitlochry came to an end just before our adrenal glands started to wave the white flag unable to produce adrenaline at such high levels. Even an early morning 5km out to the hyrdo dam did little to calm my hyper state. Today we were off to Loch Lomond but decided to go the long way round via Fort William, just because being the kind of decadent, devil may care adventurers that we are, we could. Whether we should or not is another question. The knee is still an issue, not mine but TOM's so anything above a glacial stroll was not on the cards. Not that there was that much to see in Fort William which struck us both as the kind of place one went to a) in order to go somewhere else ie Ben Nevis or b) to start / finish a long distsnce walk. Not that we could locate Ben Nevis from the town centre for heavens sake.  Thankfully a trip out to Neptune's Staircase, a series of 12 locks at the start of great Glen waterway linking Fort William in the east with Invernes...

Our final day in Pitlochry and we were both looking forward to having salmon on the menu.Unfotunately we were going to end up disappointed. I am not referring to the more than adequate menu at the Hydro but rather the annual migration back up river of salmon at the famous 'salmon ladder' adjacent to the hydoelectric power station. This according to a website promotong the area is just one of 30 highlights of a trip to Pitlochry. At the time of press we are still searching for the other 29. Peering into the various stages on the ascending ladder we saw an occasional shape but were not convinced it was anythign piscine but more likely eddies in the water or tricks of the light. It certainly wasn't an episode of Frozen Planet with grizzly bears spearing salmon mid leap. In fact so far this year only 104 salmon had managed to navigate the salmon ladder. and so due to TOM's knee the only bear I encountered was one with a sore head. The rest of the day we did bugger all bac...

After a lovely drive north we arrived at the Hydro Hotel in Pitlochry just before 4pm to discover that it had not been overtaken by geriatric coach parties all away on a swingers weekend. As a result we were one of only 6 tables occupied for the 6pm evening meal, after which feeling rather tired after a day on the road we decided to give the 'entertainment' laid on by the hotel a miss.  Having encountered Eamon Holmes serving meals in Wetherspoons back in Glasgow, our early night meant we will never know whether or not it was Jane McDonald belting out a few bangers trying to earn a few quid now her cruising days are over. Another glorious day, and after a bacon bonanza breakfast, (TOM opted for death by fried tomato) we hit the metropolis that is Pitlochy, deciding that two hours on the pay and display might be enough. In the end it turned out to be a good 60 minutes too long. And that included a coffee stop.  Perhaps the man in the garage was right after all, when he ventured...

It might be a day later than planned But I did finally managed to get my running shoes on and hit the streets of Edinburgh for a little trot. It wasn't my intended run up onto the Craggs but a shortened little jolly from the AirBnB, along Leith walk, up and around Carlton Hill to admire the views of the city, half way down Princess Street and back to base again. Still it was nice to get the legs moving and feel the breeze as I ran. Today we left Edinburgh and started to head north but with a couple of stop offs on route, the first being the Falkirk Wheel, the world's only rotating boat lift, designed and opened in 2002 to connect the Forth and Clyde Canal and the Union Canal, part of the Millennium Link project.115 feet high, this wonderful feat of engineering needs only the power of eight domestic kettles to move boats through the air and transfer them to the two canals. It really is an amazing site to see, especially on another glorious day, one that I won't waste any m...

This morning was meant to be the morning when I got up early and went for a run into the city and possibly up onto The Craggs / Arthur's Seat. But one look out of the bedroom window at just after 6.30am to be greeted by a slate grey sky soon put an end to that idea and so I got back into bed and grabbed another 40 winks before a rather more leisurely start to the day. With TOM's hip still playing up, it was another all day ticket on the bus, with our first stop being a trip out to the Botanical Gardens. I'd like to say that it was blooming marvellous but we appeared to be too late for the daffodils which had certainly seen better days and too early for almost every other plant, bush and tree which appeared as reluctant to flower as I was to go and run earlier in the day.Not quite the technicolour event both of us had been expecting. We pondered visiting a museum / exhibition but the ones we fancied were either closed or had received poor reviews in the local press, and with...

The advantage of buying an all day bus ticket is just what it says on the tin...you can ride on the buses (and trams) all day, as often as you like. Which is what we did yesterday, mainly because TOM struggled to list a part of his body that wasn't sore after Tuesday's exurtions round the city. So we decided that the more we rode, the less we would have to walk. A win, win in anyone's books. So after a ham and cheese omelette breakfast, (I thought it would help TOM get moving if he cooked it for me) our first bus was along Leith Walk into the city centre, getting off at the far end of Princess Street and enjoying a very liesurely stroll through the park. This was punctuated by sounds of Ow, Ouch, Aggh and a series of other words that I couldn't possibly publish in the blog, as TOM hobbled along like the Tin Man in need of a good oiling. Faced with the short sharp climb up the Mound , it was another bus trip, this time for a single stop to the Royal Mile or as we soon ca...

 Thought I'd pressed 'publish'. It appears I hadn't

So day 2 of our Caladonian capers saw us venture out, fresh from a good nights sleep, for a date with Royalty. Well when I say royalty what I actually mean is to peruse from a distance the Royal yatch Britannia, seeing as she happens to be moored in Leith. Note I said peruse and not go on board as that would have required the splashing of cash that neither TOM nor myself thought justified.  In the end it was a long way to walk to actually see very little of the ship from the first level of a multi storey car park adjacent to a white elephant of a giant shopping centre that had as full of customers as the Marie Celeste had crew.  In fact to be honest the whole waterfront area around Leith turned out to be a bit of a disappoinement to both of us, being not as vibrant or trendy as we have imagined it to be. And this from two not very trendy people whose idea of vibrant isn't that spectacular to begin with. Much more spectacular was the 40 minute trip acoss the Firth of Forth to D...

So its the first day post Easter and it's time for a little R&R, with TOM and I off to discover our inner Braveheart on a little Scottish adventure. Having packed the car with enough stuff for a six month expedition we hit the road and headed north on relativly quiet roads, stopping to refuel on route with a motorway services Costa coffee and mini snack, the cost of which almost required me to receive CPR. Pausing to pick up some more zoobs in Jarrow, the drive up through the border country was stunningly beautiful especially under a blue sky dotted with large white cotton wool clouds. A ham and cheese sandwich for lunch in Coldstream and we were on the outskirts of Edinburgh by early afternoon, wondering if the dreaded road works on the tram line running to Leith would make finding our airBnB as difficult as emerging from the Minataur's maze. Thankfully my trusty antique sat nav managed to weave it way past all the closed roads and diversions so that we were all checked in...

  Spare a thought for Acomb Parish Church in York who wanted to celebrate and announce Easter Sunday with a new set of banners proclaiming the good news. Unfortunately for the church, the banners that they had ordered were about to be delivered with a single letter missing from the message. So what would have been announced to a listening world , after a mix up at the printers, was not an Easter proclamation of the ressurrection but rather the somewhat less stunning proclamation that  "Chris Is Risen". Thankfully an eagle eyed curate spotted the error before it was too late, although in fairness they could have been used down the road at the local Baptist Church whose minister is actually called Chris. He indeed did have to rise very early to conduct a sunrise service at 6.30am on Easter Sunday, something his predecessor didn't manage to do the previous year as he overslept.  All of which begs the obvious question..."More 'T' Vicar?"

In breaking news, Grace Under Pressure can confirm that following the resignations of Decency and Credibility late last night, the third member of the Holy Trinity, Compassion, has also handed in its notice at No 10. This has come as a shock to many people who thought Compassion had never ever been employed there in the first place, and if it was, then only on a very limited, possibly zero hours contract. Speaking to BBC's out going (and isn't she just) political editor Laura Keunnesberg, Credibility revealed "It was only a matter of time when Boris Johnson became Prime Minister before I knew I would find myself out of a job. I was always going to be badly compromised although not as badly as Matt Hancock in that stationary cupboard I have to admit. I mean who needs good old credibility when you can simply deny all the evidence of wrong doing against you." A clearly shaken Decency added: 'To think the rest of the country followed Boris Johnson's advice with m...

  Last night, alongside many other Christian communities, we celebrated the events of Maundy Thursday, the last night that Jesus spent with his closest friends. Ever since I became aware of the track, this is the piece of music that I have used to end such a service. Sending people out in silence. Out into the night. Out into the darkness. Out into the despair.  This needs no words. It is simple transcendent. This is 'Song for Bob' by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis.  

It's when you are in negotiations to buy an item off Facebook Marketplace who lives in Bristol. And you happen to have friends who live in Bristol who could go and pick it up for you and then deliver it when they come to Matlock at the end of April.  So the seller puts the item I am trying to buy into his green bin so that my friends can just go and pick it up anytime and pop the cash through the letter box. But my friends can't be arsed to go and get it till next week because of the price of petrol.  And so today guess what happens? Yes that's right, the bin men do their rounds and the 500 zoob pieces that could have been a wonderful addition to my new building club all for a mere £15 are now in a landfil site somewhere on the outskirts of Bristol. That's what is REALLY annoying!!!!

Does wine and dine for man with no spine equal fine and resign?

Following extensive news reports of delays at all UK airports, intrepid traveller, Ivor Map, decided to avoid the carnage by planning to arrive well ahead of the three hour check in period designated adequate in order to negotiate check in, customs, immigration and walk the four miles to the appropiate boarding gate. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own long time line joiner, Ivor Map revealed, “It's been a really difficult two years what with one thing and another, but mainly with the other. And so we deiced that as soon as it was possible we would treat ourselves to a family holiday with a couple of weeks away in the sun. We are really looking forward to getting on a plane again and having a nice relaxing break."  "We've just brought hand luggage which has been prebooked. We have made sure we have all our documents in order. We have taken Lateral Flow tests even though legally we don't have too. The kids have got their screens so they won't get b...

Hands up any Jessica Fletcher superfans reading this today. Oh well, no worries I'll carry on anyway. On Friday night TOM and I had yet another theatrical adventure, this time at the Pomegranate in Chesterfield to watch / participate in Solve Along a Murder She Wrote, based on the popular TV show of the same name. In the Hall of Fame of great solvers of murders and mysteries, alongside such names as Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot and Scooby Doo, the name of J. B. Fletcher must surely reside,  Portrayed by Angela Lansbury , the retired English teacher turned bestselling mystery novelist, Jessica Fletcher, somehow managed to unravel the truth in an almost unbelievable 264 episodes between 1984 and 1996. And even more unbelievably continues to live on long after the shows demise thanks to unending repeats that have managed to capture a whole new generation of fans in the process. The evening was hosted by self confessed super fan, Tim Benzie, who at various points during the...

  Heard this whilst driving back from TOM's this morning. Just beautiful and perfect for a Sunday song. Enjoy. Hold me close, never let go Take my heart, my body and my soul Let's write a story where love's every line on the page So won't you hold me close and never let go?   Amen, I found you, you found me Oh, darling, I've been praying to someone Praying for someone like you Amen, you're my missing keys Oh, darling, I've stopped praying for someone Since you came along, so A-a-a-amen   You're all I need, I hope that you know Like the sun will raise and river will flow I'll be there when you need me And all of the moments you don't You're all I need, I hope that you know   Amen, I found you, you found me Oh, darling, I've been praying to someone Praying for someone like you Amen, you're my missing keys Oh, darling, I've stopped praying for someone Since you came along, so A-a-a-amen   But darling, I've stopped praying for som...

Are you fed up of paying the right amount of tax? Do you wish you could keep your hands on oh lets say £20 million pounds you might otherwise have had to hand over to the Inland Revenue? Then simply pretend you don't live here but somewhere else even though you actually spend most of your time living here and not there. Where ever 'there' is? Just think of another country, maybe your country of birth or ethnic origin, perhaps it might be where you have been on holiday or just somewhere you think has a nice name. It doesn't even matter if 'there' even exists.    But make sure its one that has much much lower tax rates than the UK, preferably zero. But remember you can also refuse to pay any tax in that country because you can claim to live somwehere else ad nausea. You won't get nearly as much stick as a comedian like Jimmy Carr, because he got crucified by the Tory front bench for using perfectly legal tax incentives to reduce the amount of tax he paid...

During a career as a man who liked to dress up in outfits that would have made the Village People envious, Mr Benn  appeared dressed as a red knight, hunter, clown, balloonist, wizard, spaceman, cook, caveman, zoo keeper, diver, cowboy, Aladdin, pirate and gladiator. Yesterday he stepped into the fitting room for one last time. Let's hope he didn't ignore the elephant in the room as perhaps his best ever adventure is about to begin.

In breaking news it has been revealed that England's opening group game against Iran at the 2022 World Cup will be shown live on the BBC. Gareth Southgate's side are in action on the opening day of the tournament in Qatar on Monday, 21 November and armchair experts are already predicting that the live build up to the game will begin in the purpose build desert studio around October. Grace Under Pressure understands that Gary Linekar, Alan Shearer, Ian Wright and co are already undergoing rigerous training to toughen up their posteriors, ready for 24/7 presenting in a location where it is guaranteed that sand will get into every nook, crannny and crevice. This arse 'ardening is in order to be ready for the marathon build up to each and every England game in which the minimal amout of information will be stated repeated and then regurgitated by innumerable people, some of whom once thought they saw Raheem Sterling in the street. And all before what is almost certainly going t...

 

On Sunday TOM and I had a break from our usual routines and had a Sunday afternoon together at the theatre. It was a jolly to the Theatre Royal in Nottingham to watch 'Magic Goes Wrong' the latest spin off from Mischief Theatre.  Increasingly well known from the couple of series of 'The Goes Wrong Show' that they have now done on BBC, TOM and I were fortunate enough to see them before everyone else jumped on the bandwagon several years ago when The Play That Goes Wrong came to town. It was a show that really surprised us with just how clever and funny it was. Since then we have seen Peter Pan Goes Wrong and A Comedy About a Bank Robbery so we thought we would give this one, made in collaberation with American magicians, Penn and Teller, a punt. And what a great afternoon it proved to be; a great show with lots of laughs and magic tricks that went both right and wrong and sometimes not exactly when expected. If you could think of all the types of magic you might see perf...

  Ouch! Ouch!! Ouch!!!

 Responsible for some classic stadium filling anthems, people often forget that there is also a quieter side to Noel Gallagher, one that often gets overlooked.  Whilst responsible for banging out tunes such as Slide Away, Live Forever, Don't Look Back in Anger and Wonderwall, which have been sung in stadiums around the world by tens of thousands at a time, the marginally less gobby of the Gallagher brothers has also penned some rather tuneful slower songs too.  This is one of them taken not from his Oasis ouvre but rather from his time as frontman for Noel Gallagher and the High Flying Birds. I love the song and also the video that accompanies it. The title also sums up how I felt after the Chicken Run yesterday. This is 'Dead in the Water'    

  Apologies for the late posting but I have only just got back from completing the Chicken Run in the Derbyshire village of Hayfield, and it has taken TOM a little while to help extract me from my Kathy Freeman style all in one lycra body suit. Now there's an image you won't erase from your minds quickly. Offering two options of either Fowl (10.6km) or Fowler (13.1km) being the fool that I am I opted for the longer distance, thinking it was more miles for my pound, something that I would later live to regret. The setting and scenery was beautiful but my oh my the run was brutal with several sections that I (and many others I hasten to add) struggled to walk up never mind run.  How those that did, actually did, defies belief and possibly the laws of gravity. I was already shedding layers before I got to the top of the first short sharp climb, as the sun decided to appear to raise the temps by several degrees. Heading up and over Lantern Pike, a quick glance at my watch told me ...