Grace Under Pressure 2

I n an Easter exclusive Grace under Pressure is today able to explain just why the publics view of the NHS is at its lowest for 50 years after  NHS spokesperson Ima,Spoilsport, advised people that it was probably unhealthy to eat a whole Easter egg in a single sitting. This example of wokeness gone mad has been announced in an apparent attempt to combat the increasing number of 'Lard Arses' seen waddling or driving mobility scooters along our high street. Since Easter eggs started to appear on supermarket shelves in early January children (and middle aged adults) up and down the land have have been counting down the days until they can goggle down an entire egg and its contents in a single 5 minute feeding frenzy Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, confirmed chocoholic, Ivor Sweetooth, countered the advice being given by the NHS when he revealed, "Surely if an average Easter egg contain a whopping three-quarters of an adult's recommended daily calorie intake, then ...

  So to celebrate one of my favourite days of the year, the day when the clocks go forward and we begin British Summer Time, here is a simply sublime song by Iron and Wine featuring Fiona Apple. Just sit back and enjoy the stunning harmonies of two voices that just seemed destined to sing together  

The run around the Newstead Abbey loop, whether done clockwise or anti clockwise is one of my more regular runs and so I knew that it would feature in my '60 at 60' challenge at some point during the year. I just wasn't sure when. Turns out Wednesday was the night for a couple of reasons. The first was a most unexpected and welcome was that I managed the complete tour in daylight. With the clokcs going forward an hour on Sunday I had expected that this would be the last run for a while along the trails and through the woods having to use my headtorch. But setting off 10 mins earlier than we normally do, with 8 fellow runners and three very yappy canines, combined with a relatively clear sky meant that we managed to complete the just under 5 mile loop before it got too dark. The second reason this particular run needs to be included in my '60 at 60' is that it was also my quickest ever time on th Abbey loop, which given how mentally drained I felt on the Chicken Run ...

A communications mix up has resulted in the largest ever audience on North Korean state television after an executive order from its auspicious leader Kim Jong Un was misuderstood by TV executives. Acting on strict instructions not to let Titchmarch's western imperial decadent denim jeans be a corrupting influence on the nation and to remove them completely from the episode of Gardener's World, a slightly confused program editor did just that, leaving everyone favourite gardening expert starkers from the waist down. At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm whether the pendulous plums and massive marrow Titchmarch displayed in this episode were CGI generated or whether it's simply the result of a liberal spirnkling of organic compost over his prize exhibits. 

Last night I had a little jolly into Nottingham to the theatre. It was a deliberate attempt to break up Holy Week and give me an evening where I was not sat at my computer tinkering with the fine details of upcoming services, invariaby ending up trying to dot  t's and crossing i's. The play I went to see was a three hander called The Children'. I knew nothing about it save soem good reviews from previous touring shows,but at just £12 for a night of live theatre I though tit was worth a punt. And it turned out to be good value for money. It was at times tense and funny although not nearly half as funny as a couple of people with learning difficulties in the audience seemed to find, an occurance that proved to some a distraction they struggled to cope with. Set on a single stage featuring a kitchen, the play was set in the aftermath of what was called 'the disaster' that had occured at a nuclear power plant some 50 miles away. With electricity rationed and a Geiger co...

English language scholars are in a panic this morning after it was revealed that the acroyn used to describe a myriad of sexual orientations and expressions has used up all the letters in the alphabet. What started out as a simple and easy to remember 'LGB' quickly added a letter 'T' followed not long after by a '+' sign. Now this easy to remember acronym has metamorphosised as a result of people being given the freedom to self identify as who or what they wanted to be. So much so that even lingusits with 1st class honours degrees from some of the most prestigious colleges and universtities are struggling to keep up with the diversity. Today its possible to identify as plain old LGBTQ+, LGBTQWERTY for those who chose to self identify as keyboards, LGBTQLMNOP for thos who asign themselves with the entire alphabet and of course LGBTQDORAYMEFARSOLATEDOH, for those whose gender ambiguity is akin to Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music.  Not content with using up all ...

For those of you who have watched Jasmin Paris finishing the Barklay Marathon, the worlds most challenging ultramarathon,  just 90 second under the cut off time and thus becoming the first woman ever to complete the entire 5 loop course, it can only have been an inspiring moment.  It was literally a trailblazing feat of endurance running Sprinting to the finish, she collapsed over the line, utterly exhausted, her last reserves of energy spent, not only was she unable to run another step, she was unable to speak because she had been breathing so hard.  Jasmin had trained for years to end up in that state. I have done next to nothing with regards serious training, have the cadence of a snail and the core strength of a blancmange and yet I manage to achieve the same state of physical collapse when I 'complete' the Bestwood Village 5km park run on a Saturday morning.

Sometime its easy to fall into the trap of failing to practise what I preach. Very easy. Today I finally put one of those things to right by finally losing my virginity...at FoodCycle. Or perhaps that should be losing my virginity actually helping out rather than sitting and eating the fruits of everyone else labours, which to be honest I am quite experienced at. FoodCycle have been opearating out of Hucknal Central Methodist Church for about 8 months now and attract a regular cliental of between 35 and 50 people from all walks of life who gather on a Sunday lunchtime to enjoy a lovely vegetarian three course meal. Actually helping to prepare the meal is out of my capacity mainly due to the time required but as I am normally free after 12pm, joining in with the serving team is an option. Today it became a reality as I donned my apron and jumped in at the deep end.  So today it was meeting and greeting, serving a refreshing cuppa, delivering each of the three courses (Onion soup wit...

Today I achieved a notable first, although not one I am eager to repeat in a hurry. Today for the first time I didn't actually complete a race that I had entered. Today was the annual Chicken Run over in Hayfield on a day which could be summed up in the Crowded House song, 'Four Seasons in One Day' but more of that later. It's the 3rd time I have entered this race, on each occasion chosing the longer of the two options; the 15km Fowler run as opposed to the 10km Fowl option. Today I had once again chosen the longer option but things didnt go to plan. Setting off steady at the start and the first short sharp incline was part of the plan, but having to then reduce that steady speed to a snail like crawl behind all the dithering Dasiys trying to avoid the slightest bit of mud was not. For heaven's sake this is a trail run!! Then there was the queues negotiating the styles, having to walk single file up slippery slopes I am not sure anyone could manage to run up and the...

  maybe there will be something tomorrow?

And there was absolutely nothing we could do about it. So said the Government who claimed that the spiralling trajectory was due to global markets and forces way, way, way beyond their control and sphere of influence. But hey now thats it's coming down and they have had absolutely nothing to do with it, they are going to take all the credit for this miraculous reversal. Welcome to how the Conservatives view inflation In an address to an increasingly slack jawed public, Rish Sunak (UK Prime Minister till November at the latest) has revealed that provided inflation is going in the right direction then its all due to government plans, policies and procedures. and certainly not because the Bank of England predicted that is was going to fall naturally anyway. Heck no, this is all about the delayed effects of austerity, prudent fiscal management and the absolutely perfect reason to vote them back into power for another 5 years. 5 years that will in truth seem like an eternity to most peo...

The end of a long but rewarding day. An early communion service over at Arnold Methodist Church in which we explored the Palm Sunday reading using the letter P: Plan, Parade, Prophets, Palms (not in Luke's account!!!), Praise and Proclamation, Protest).  Then it was a dash across town to lead the 5th study in our current Lent course 'What Did Jesus Ask', with the lovely ladies on Ravensworth Rd. Back in the car again for a ecumenical Lent lunch and to lead a reflection with people at Emmanual Church based on the story of Jesus healing the demon possessed Legion.  This was followed by a trip to Calverton to repeat the study from this morning but with a different group of people and thus a completely different set of insights and comments. Back to Hucknall and a blood test at the GP's and then I waited for a phone calle from TOM that never came (he'll hear all about THAT in the morning). Then it was time for the penultimate headtorch run through the tracks and woods o...

  Cyber flasher accused of having a floppy disc

  After a 75 year old man was found to have been in Casualty for 38 years, Secretary of State for Health, Ivor Sicknote, has been quick to dismiss suggestions that the NHS under the care of the Conservatives is in crisis.  

Some pop stars are perhaps unfairly known as one hit wonders,having just one song in their back catalogue that hit the dizzy heights of the charts. And whilst some of those one hit wonders are instantly forgettable, others on the other hand are simply classics, songs that can be recognised almost instantly within a few opening bars.   Ask me to name any of the hits songs by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel and if I am honest I would struggle to get past two. And remembering the second hit, a great cover version of the George Harrison penned 'Here comes the sun' took me a while. But his most famous song is a classic, one that gets the toes tapping and a myriad of voices joining on on the wonderfully catchy chorus. I am of course talking about the sublime, Make Me Smile ( Come Up and See Me) or as I suspect as more people would incorrectly name it Come Up and See Me (Make Me Smile), which reached number one in 1975. Following the demise of Karl Wallinger earlier this week, the new...

  As the fair, democratic and entirely unpredictable Russian elections take place, the state news agency has revealed that Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has succesfully maintained his sequence of  riding the winner in the Cheltenham Gold Cup, a run that started back in 1998. News anchor, Propa Ganga announced to a guliable public, "Riding Shergar to a 6 length victory, President Putin dismounted from his thoroughbred ride to celebrate with his good friend Lord Lucan before launching in a victory duet with his BBF Elvis Presley. Grace Under Pressure can reveal that this is just the latest in a series of triumphs on the world stage that President Putin has achieved during the past year in the build up to today election.  From winning Wimbledon and the World Heavyweight Boxing Championship right through to his triumph at the Eurovision song contest in Liverpool, the population of Russia would be foolish not to vote for this obvious winner.  So obvious that Russian State...

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure can reveal that the sales of padling pools has plunged over the past 6 months.    A staple resident in the back gardens of many households during the summer months, these plastic filled oasis' of cool were often the source of endless laughter and frivolity down through the ages from granchildren to grandparents.   Indeed the purchase of these self enclosed aquatic wonderlands boomed during the Covid lockdown as people sought an escape from all the lockdown restrictions. Now that boom looks to have well and truly bust. Retail analysts initially thought that these could be a sign of the recession and cost of livign crisis but closer anaylysis has revealed another reason. It is not that people can no longer afford to buy or run paddling pools but rather that there is now a much cheaper option available on every persons doorstep.  

When is racist speech not not really all that racist? The answer appears to be when the person who has made such racist comments is a millionaire donor to the Conservative party. While comments about hating all black people and wanting to shoot Labour MP Diane Abbott might sound more than a bit racist to the untrained ear, the government has been at pains to point out that such inflammatory comments are not a big deal when uttered by a man who gave them £10 million.  Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, government spokesman, Redifura Bung revealed, "It is hoped that this announcement has helped to clarify in the minds of the electorate, especially the minds of the elderly white middle class electorate that vote for us, that racist comments made by a millionaire Tory donor are nowhere near as serious as regular race-based bigotry made by someone who hasn't made such a financial contribution to party funds." “So just to clarify donor racism is very different to proper racism...

Back in the very early 1990's, having managed to get myself sacked from a voluntary job I had been doing for nearly 3 years in Calcutta, (the best job I have ever done by the way) I tried unsuccesfully to be reinstated.  During that extreemly frustrating and dark time, two pieces of music were on almost constant rotation. The first was the stunning Woodface by Crowded House, a belter of an album and still in my opinion the best thing they have ever recorded. The second was the equally sublime Goodbye Jumbo by World Party, the group formed by former member of The Waterboys and Mike Scott's side kick and musical foil, Karl Wallinger. Yesterday it was announced that Karl had died suddenly at the age of 66. Hearing that news sent me on a vivid almost tangible trip down memory lane to the hot, sultry and very often sodden streets of a monsoon drenched Calcutta. And the sounds that filled my head over 30 years ago sounded just as good today as when I first heard them.  With a fantas...

  A 60 year old man from Hucknall has been left feeling used and abused after the world wide press failed to notice and call out an obviously 'photoshopped' image yesteday. Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure's body dysmorphic scribe, the man who wished to remain anonymous revealed, "The papparazi and associated press have been too busy trying to work out how many fingers Catherine, Princess of Wales actually had on her left hand, to raise any hoo hah after an image showing the face of former wrestler John Cena blatently photoshopped onto my body was posted online". "Is it just all in my imagination or is this practise simply wrong?" he continued, "One can understand major celebrities airbrushing their own images and everyone likes to remove the odd wrinkle here and there. But to put another man's face on my body is pure digital abuse. I think I'm going to write to my future king about it."

  In a truly shocking photo exclusive, Grace Under Pressure can reveal the full extent of the abdominal surgery undertaken by Kate, Princess of Wales, earlier this year. Whilst there has been much speculation in the press as to the precise nature of the procedure Kate has received, no one had predicted that Kate had undertaken to have her entire head removed and grafted onto the abdomen of her eldest son George. Insider sources within Buck House have confirmed to Grace Under Pressure's, right royal correspondent, Ivor Palace, that this represents the future of the monarchy and is not a photoshop or a still from a Deep Fake video. Prince Andrew on the other hand (see what I did there) is still claiming that his was.

Back in the 1990's one of my favourite bands was Del Amitri, starting with the very first time I heard the wonderfully prophetic 'Nothing Ever Happens'. They were a band that had a knack for writing not only foot tapping rock songs with memorable hooks that quickly became ear worms but also penned some beautiful, thought provoking slower numbers . I have memories of going to see them live in Newport when I was studying to be a physiotherapist alongside several of my fellow students on what was a thouroughly enjoyable night. And I still find it funny that one of my least favourites recordings of their (Roll with it) is in fact their most popular song. As with most bands, new albums are recorded and released that don't quite hit the same mark, listener tastes change, and things that were at one time on constant reply slowly but surely fall out of favour. Today Del Amitri are back in the news with the announcement that lead singer and songwriter Justin Currie has been ...

The trouble with the end of a great trip away is that there is always the back to earth slump waiting when you get home. Tha slump where trying to find the enthusiasm to actually do anything is like looking for the metaphorical needle in a haystack. Today has been one of those days. And I really couldn't be arsed. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little better but I can't promise. Only time will tell.

 

Whenever we are away, if it is at all possible, TOM and I like to try and catch a show. Here in Liverpool it was no exception and so we headed to the Playhouse to catch the beginning of the UK tour for Unfortunate: Ursulla the Sea Witch.  Now for those of you for whom that doesn't ring any bells, it didn't with either of us either but its description of being brash, bawdy, fierce and filthy made it a must see. Especially as it turned out to be all of those and more!! What we discovered is that Ursulla is a character in the Disney film 'The Little Mermaid', which as you might imagine isn't currently on my list of 100 best films watched. But where Wicked has successfully rehabilitated the reputation of the ‘Wicked Witch of the West’, in 'Unfortunate', we were treated to the ‘untold story of Ursula the Sea Witch’, one which had its tongue firmly in cheek. This parody was quite definitely not for family viewing, being deliberately tasteless, often gloriously and...

So whilst here in the 'Pool I thought it would be a good opportunity to get in a little early morning run, the question was in a city that I am not familiar with at all, where to go? Thankfully our lovely airBnB is only 10 mins bus ride into the city and so it was relatively easy to follow its route alongside the 7.15am commuters going into work.  So I ran down into the city, past the Philarmonic Hall and Adelphi Hotel, across the front of Lime Street Station and St Georges Hall. I then ran down through the pedestrianised shopping area to the riverside and ran a loop around the Three Graces, Pier Head, the Albert Dock, which was even more deserted than yesterday. Then it was back through the bus station before beginning to retrace my footsteps back up Mt Pleasant Road ( and yes it was up) towards the airBnB. Normally I run on empty but today I decided I would run on Hope. Hope Street to be precise, the 200 meter long street that links the two iconic religious landmarks of the city,...

I'm not really sure what I was expecting coming to Liverpool. I'm not a fan of The Beatles, whose music and images seem to be everywhere, even on the mints that graced a mid morning cup of coffee. Neither am I a supporter of the cities two famous football teams and the accent has to be one of the most grating regional sounds in the UK, rivaled only by the one forund in parts of Birminhgham. It is a city that from the outside can be stereotyped and seem at times not just to have a chip on its shoulder but a whole bag of them on both. Or, and here's the lesson I am learning, it could be seen of a city and a population that are really proud of who they are despite what they have been through. Today after a lovely night in our AirBnB we were woken to what sounded like a herd of elephants from the room above us but which i suspect was just one or more children running back and forth across the wooden floor wearing what I can only assume to be clogs. No need to set an alarm here!...

  So before you start to think that today's blog is in some way going to be related to the no 1 song recorded by The Police back in the 1980, let me stop you before you even get started.  No it is in fact a reference to a regularly used catchphrase from the perm sporting, shellsuit wearing Three Scoucers, 'Garry, Barry and Terry', that were a regular feature in the Harry Enfield show, because today I am heading for Liverpool. It's just a little jolly staying in an air B&B for a couple of nights before the final mad rush of Easter begins. It was TOM's idea to go as neither of us have spent any real time in the city before and its only a couple of hours drive away.  We have what could be described as a 'loose sort of plan' for what we are going to do when we are there mainly because TOM doesn't like to / can't plan, but I'm sure there will be enough to do depending on the weather. And even if that isn't great we can visit various indoor the...

T he other day TOM and I used catch up TV to watch the first the first episode of Perfect Pub Walks with Bill Bailey on Channel 4 (or maybe it was More4 or Four+ or even 4Extra)  Anyway the first episode was one close to home as it was set in three locations in the Peak District that we were familiar with, and also featured Alan Davies, who we both like to watch on QI. We have both also read the book written by Alan that was referenced in the program. An unexpected bonus was that it's also given us the location for a summer trip our for tea at one of the pubs featured at the end of one of the walks, although I am not telling you all which one in order to ensure we can grab a free table with a view. Anyway, the point of the program is that men as a rule tend not to be very good at talking about 'stuff'' that is bothering them. The recent springing up of groups like Men in Sheds and BOB (Bottled Up Blokes) has provided a space, usually incorporating an activity, around an...

  I must admit I have never read Animal Farm by George Orwell, and to be honest is not going on my 'must read' list anytime soon despiteback on 2016  it beign voted the nations favourite book that people read st school.  But a general familiarity with the overall story meant that a trip to the lovely little theatre in Derby wouldn't stretch my limited knowledge too much. After the extraveganza of Minority Report earlier in th week I wasn't sure if another trip so soon would prove a let down. The answer was no, it was just a very different experience. Whereas Minority Report was blinding neon and fantastic shape changing scenery, this was performed on a solitary backdrop that was stark, bleak, industrial, sinister. Even the music was monotonous and even toneless. In Iqbal Khan’s production, the story is told by only six actors who each play multiple roles, each one representing one of the animals on the farm, animals that came to life via sound (grunting, squealing and ...

After last nights election of former cat impersonator George Galloway,  the people of Khan Unis, rafah and Dayr al Blah have united in sending their prayers to the good folks of Rochdale.  Showing that he will always land on his feet, this latest reincarnation is thought to be Galloway's 7th different political life. At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm whether Mr Galloway ran his campaign to align himself with the Palestinian population currently being bombarded daily by Israel or in support ot the mercurial former England footballer Paul Gascoigne. Whatever his new alliance Mr Galloway, fresh from his purr-fect victory that has left him fel-ine just fine, has ensured that Gaza / Gazza is once more front page news.

Footballer Paul Pogba has been banned for four years having been found guilty of a doping offence. For many fans of Manchster United, the findings that he was taking performance enhancing Testosterone has come as a complete surpise, as they assumed that his piss poor performances when he played for the club was due to being under the influence of high strength horse tranquilizers, Ketamine.