Grace Under Pressure 2

    Betty Booth-doyd. RIP

In breaking news this morning the oven ready, done and dusted Brexit deal that we were assured was all signed, sealed and delivered back in 2019, will later this week be the subject of another attempt by the government to convince people it has actually happened. With the PM Rishi Sunak increasing his carbon footprint with repeated dashes across the Irish Sea and English Channel respectively, all that needs to be done now if to get two differing parties who fundementally disagree about anything and everything to agree on the things that currently divide them the most. In a game of Brexit pass the parcel, this tricky little conundrum has been passed from David Cameron, to Theresa May, through the slippery palms of Boris Johnson until it finally landed within the grasp of Rishi Sunak. Grace under Pressure doesn;t count the 44 days of Liz Truss' tenure as being long enough to actually allow her to understand what the parcel actually was or what she needed to do with it, dazzled as she...

  Lover of tall men,  Sandra Cribbage of Hucknall Nottingham was today recovering from the huge disappoinemt of discovering that an internet search for 'Dan Walker's helmet' only resulted in picture of his recent bike crash. Speaking in an exclusive with Grace Under Pressure's very own innuendo implying investigator, Sandra explained, "ever since I was a teenager I've had this particular fantasy. It probably came from my grandmother who always used to tell me with a nod and a wink 'Well you know what they say about big men....' So just imagine my excitement when I heard the internet rumour that 6ft 6 inch Channel 5 news anchor Dan Walker was flashing his 'helmet' for all to see on the world wide web. Turns out after a quick foray on Google that he was taking about his protective headwear." At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure can confirm that this is not the first time Sandra has been disappointed. Former internet searches for...

 Hand on heart I have to admit I always wanted Will Young to come out on top in his Pop Idol battle with Gareth Gates all those years ago. There was just something abut his voice that reached parts Gareth's never could and managed to trump Gates' cuteness and back story.  And over the years, that wonderfully gifted 'instrument' has just got better and better. Here is a little clip of Will singing the song he recorded after winning Pop Idol, this time backed by the BBC concert orchestra. Just lovely.  

      8yr old Thomas Simpkins has spent the past 48 hours in a state of constant euphoria after news broke that vegatables are going to be in short supply for at least a month.   Unable to remove the smile from his face, vegephobic Thomas has spoke exclusively to Grace Under Pressure about the hatred he has for his mum's broccoli bake, mushroon stroganoff, and the dreaded side salad.   "I know even at the age of eight I should be ecologically aware and have a political concsience," explained Thomas munching enthusiastically on a plate of fat chils,  "but to be honest if it means there is zero suppy of Brussels Sprouts Artichoke, Celery,  Aubergine, Beetroot, Celeriac, Butternut Squash, Bok Choy, Broccoli, Yam, Fennel, Okra, Marrow, Button mushrooms, Pumpkin, Cabbage, Chard, Kale and Courgettes in my local shops and markets, then I am quite happy for the cost of living crisis to go on for a bit longer."

W ith the announcement of the list of presentrs who are due to co host Eurovision, the united kingdom has set a precedent by becoming the first host country to feature more people introducing the contestants than actual contestants.  Alongside the king of the snarky snipe, Graham Norton, there will be a series of has beens, wanna bes and never will bes This will include that one who took over from Matt Dawson on Question of Sport, the one who isn't Sue Perkins, him with the big teeth and beard from Big Brother who is never off the TV /radio,  and some Ukrainian singer whose name we won't be able to pronounce correctly. Then there is that women from the show on Amazon about a football coach that hardly anyone has ever seen, a bit part player from Game of Thrones, that one from Britain's got talent  (no not Simon Cowell) oh and Scott Mills. All of whom together wil still not be as good as Sir Terry Wogan doing it all on his own.  And the BBC wonder why I complain about...

Keen to be married couple Barry Knowles and Stephanie Potter from Hucknall has decided to call off their engagement after received a very lukewarm response from family and friends on social media.  Having been 'going steady' for well over a year, Barry and Stephanie decided the time was right to up their commitment by getting engaged only for their nuptual plans to barely register in the world of digital uploads. Despite posting news of their happy event on virtually every social media platform know to man and attempting to 'bump' their post several times, it has at the time of going to press only received 112 likes and three shares despite being 'live in cyberspace' for over 48 hours. Speaking exclusivly to Grace Under Pressures very own cyber star, Barry revealed, "Yeah looks like not only is the engagement off but we are going to have to split up now. We weren't expecting you know Justin Bieber type likes and shares but it really was piss poor."...

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure can reveal that strike action by the national organisation of homeopaths has been reduced to almost nothing.  Appearing on picket lines last Monday outside Holland and Barret outlets up and down the country, hundreds of homeopaths concentrated their efforts at raising awareness of their plight. Sadly by midweek their number had been diluted down to only half the original number.  Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, Professor of Homeopathy,  Dr Dial Utit revealed, "Sadly our efforts appear to have been in vain and we have had no visible effect whatsoever. In fact many members of the public don't even seem to think are strike is in vain as we have never worked at all. Well meaning members of other 'scientific' professions have advised us to concentrate our efforts at a single location but that just isn't part of our ethos and beliefs. We have to spread ourselves as widely and thinly as possible if we are to have any effect whatsoev...

Whilst All Quiet on the Western Front was scooping a fistful of awards at last nights British Academy of Film and Television Arts show , a much more prestigious prize was being claimed by Liz Truss at the DAFTA's.  With a running time of 44 days, which many critics have commented was 44 days to long, 'My Time in Office' written, directed, produced and starring Ms Truss swept the board picking up every single award on offer. BBC arts correspondent Will Gompertz spoke in an exclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure's very own matinee idol when he revealed, "It's because it has such broad appeal across the board that patrons of the DAFTA'S found it impossible to stop awarding it the top prizes." "Even the great directors such as Martin Scorsese, Stanley Kubrik and Judd Apatow haven't managing to capture on celluloid something thats comes across as a fly on the wall documentary disaster movie that had comedy, tragedy, farce, fiction, fact, hig...

Just a lovely song from Radio 2's Piano Room series as featured on the Ken Bruce show. This one features Pink and a song written about her Dad who died last year. Enjoy  

No not the name of a new BBC Sunday night series to replace Happy Valley, but rather the name of my latest running adventure alongside members of the Youlgrave Harriers.  Only a handful of miles from TOM's, the chance to run with a group on a Saturday morning was too good an opportunity to turn down; more miles in the bag for me and hopefully TOM would have read 'some' of his Daily Mail by the time I got back. Got back to a 'freezing' house due to a faulty log burning stove which I think my readers will agree is almost grounds for divorce! There was 15 of us in total, a group of mixed abilities I think its fair to say but a group where the quickest did actually run at a speed that accomodated the slowest. I'll let you wonk out which section I found myself in but it was a reasonable pace in a part of the world I hadn't really run in before.  Across fields, up bridal paths, along country lanes,  negotiating umpteen gates and styles and squelching our way throu...

    For me its Lollipop ladies. Everyday they make me cross

  In (heart) breaking news for lovers of fish named politicians, Nicola Sturgeon has announced that should the public not accept the results of her referendum to quit, she is quite prepared to go to the high court to challenge their decision. Described as a once in a generation occurance, in the highly unlikely event that the majority of her fellow countryfolk are not glad to see the back of her and try to force her to remain, the first Minister of Scotland has revealed that she will simply ignore their wishes and put in a second, third and if required fourth resignation letter, if that is what it takes. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own celtic correspondent, Ms Sturgeon revealed, "I am not vain enough to think that just because I have said I am going that the majority of people of Scotland will actually let me go but I am determined to seek my autonomy to make an uninformed decision to seek my independence and freedom!!!!" "Even if a suitable fish named re...

  I've just come back from a holiday in Argentina. Everything was great apart from the weather. In fact I'd go as far as to say it was bordering on chilly.

Postmen and women working in the Hucknall area of Nottingham have called an emergency strike day today for fear of sustaining career threatening injuries due to the avalanche of Valentine's Day cards expected to be addressed to a certain local postcode.  Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own special delivery, Post Office spokesperson, Firstor Sekond, revealed, "this is just one more unacceptable demand that management have placed on our local post people. During Covid, with people having to resort to sending electronic Valentine's Day cards, we were just about able to cope with this particular delivery. But now it's a different matter altogether." "It's a breach of the Geneva convention on Human Rights to expect a single postie to undertake such a task even given the new wheelie carts we are able to move our mail about it. Hamstrings have been strained, backs have gone into spasm, and ligaments have become lax at the mere thought of deliverign a...

 Just what the f%&k is Sam Smith dressed as at the Brits ?????

  Yesterday I ventured out to my very first Whitworth Thread. No, I haven't been inspired by the Joe Lycett and now Sara Pascoe led Great British Sowning Bee, although to be honest soem of my socks could do with a bit of TLC.  Rather it is a kind of Park Run that is not actually a Park Run, run in Whitworth Park, Darley Dale, which for those of you who don't know your Derbyshire geography is just outside Matlock on the route to Bakewell (and other places) Only run on the 2nd Saturday of each month it does not have all the officialness of a Park Run ie no bar coded tags to pick up as you cross the finish line to help record your time, rather this was a much more basic and smaller affair with only 60 or so runners turning up.  And becase it was three laps of the park it gave those just starting out on the couch to 5km program, together with some younger runners the chance to do one, two or three loops. The run itself was what I might describe as twisting with slight undulat...

Just when you thought the Tories might be getting a bit too hard nosed, along comes new deputy party chair Lee Anderson to show the caring face of the party.  '30p Lee' came to the public's attention  after his groundbreaking TV cookery show in which he demonstrated he could cook a meal for just 30p providing he had access to Jamie Oliver's entire kitchen staples cupboard and cooked in batches of 1000 portions.  Then he showed his increasingly soft centre by saying it was utterly ridiculous for a fireman, nurse or teacher to ever need access to a food bank and that they should be shot (just a flesh wound not anything fatal) if they were ever seen within 100 yards of a community kitchen. Now just a few days ago, in his first compassionate act as deputy party chair he has revealed that he is in favour of the death penalty for murders and radio interviewers who ask him difficult questions. The death penalty according to Mr Anderson stops crime as has been shown categorical...

With the 25th anniversary of Titanic looming on the horizon like a giant ice berg, star of the film  Leonardo DiCaprio has shocked Hollywood by he wants nothing more to do with the third biggest grossing movie of all time.  Speaking in an exclusive virtually true interview with Grace Under Pressure's very own aquatic avatar, 48 year old DiCaprio revealed, "I have asked director James Cameron to digitally remove me for the picture entirely. using some of the technology he has developed since the film was shot."  "I know the film won 11 Oscars, I know 'that song' is still played to this day and I know people still recreate that scene of Jack and Rose at the front of the boat, but just like the string of girlfriends that I dumped to sink without a trace I cannot be associated with anything / one that is 25 years old."  

  Defibrillator: The Musical wins best revival at Hucknall Theatre awards

  A 59 year old man from Hucknall is still finding himself in conversational limbo for the third consecutive day as the rest of his work colleagues are still twatling on about the finale of Happy Valley. The unnamed 59 year old who has not seen a single episode of the doom and drug fueled saga set somewhere in the grim north has been unable to join in with any office banter since Monday morning as he is blissfully oblivious to who Catherine Cawood, Tommy Lee Royce or Clare Cartwright are or why he should be intrested in their lives. And it's been pure bliss!!! Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure's non conforming correspondent, Hucknall resident, Notinter Ested, revealed, "To be honest it's been great. The number of days I've been trapped by the photocopying machine having to listen to Deborah from accounts go on and on about her new boyfriend Francisco and struggled to find an excuse to leave." "But since Monday morning as soon as I said I...

I know some of you are going to think that I do nothing but spend my evenings watching thespians on stage. It's just like buses, theres none for ages and thene three come along at once. Last night it was the playhouse to watch the Beekeeper of Aleppo, a play all about, you might be astonished to know, a beekeeper in Allepo. Sorry if thats a spoiler alert. It was a cheap night out at only £8.50 a ticket but at the end of the day I was glad I had only paid £8.50. I'm not sure what is was but I simply didnt engage with the characters and to be honest didnt care whether they reached the UK or not. It was a very professionally done production that made great uses of the single stage set up for various locations, including some very powerful projections on screen. But overall it was sort of 'mweh' and became an exercise in ticking every box for all the obstacles a refugee could encounter on route from Syria (or anywhere else) to the UK The question it did made me think about ...

Let's be honest 13.1 miles is quite long enough for a run isn't it. Well it is for a pedestrian plodder one year out from celebrating the big 60 and who struggled to complete a 4 mile jog earlier in the week.  So imagine the mental and physical trauma, having entered what I thought was the final quarter of a mile of my latst folly to discover that it was actually the final one and a quarter miles. If I'd been running with a pram full of toys I would have throwne them all out there and then. Even worse was the fact it turned out to be my mistake for not having read the race instructions properly beforehandI It was also a race that had a cut off point with runners expected to reach the approximate 1/2 point on the course in 1hr and 20 mins. A notice in the clubhouse stated quite clearly  'This isn't a charity run and a fun run. It's a serious run.If you can't make this cut off point, you shouldn't be here!' Which made me feel even more out of my depth ...

As if they hadn't already suffered enough on their journey to the UK, the proposed plan to house refugees and asylum seekers at a disused Pontins holiday camp has been seen by many as the last straw. Thankfully common sense and human decency has prevailed after Sefton Council admitted it would indeed be inhumane to subject those feeling persecution to even more torment by exposing them to the Pontin's experience. One former visiter who did not wish to be named, and who we will refer to as Ann Onymus, revealed "I once spent seven nights at the Pontins resort in Prestatyn during a February half term break. And that was seven nights to many. I would willingly chose to be bobbing about on the channel on an inflatable li -lo with 11 other immigrants rather then endure that again." "The brochure said the camp featured some of the rarests entertainment anywhere in the UK, which I can onlly imagine was refering to performers who couldn't even make the 'hopelessly...

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure can reveal that the number of children left bereft, distraught and emotionally traumatised by Wednesday's day off school is officially...zero While the BBC appears hell bent on insisting that kids would be happier doing double maths or learning a hands on trade for the day they leave / get expelled from school and end up working up a chimney or running a county lines gang, actual hard evidence points to the opposite. According to the latest research all school children irrespective of age, gender or ability just love a day off school. Indeed many often reminise about the glory days of the pandemic when they didn't have to go to school ever. One educationally exempt teenager spoke to Grace Under Pressure and revealed, " Just like at school I've got a timetable for the next day off due to AWOL teachers. First of all there will be no such thing as morning. I plan to sleep right through that. I've got an single period of checking m...

Fresh from admitting that they have been breaking into the homes of some of their most vulnerable customers in order to install pay as you go meters, British Gas have announced that they are branching out into a whole range of nefarious activities that would grace any crimnal underworld Head of British Gas,  Pie Lot Lite, spoke to Grace Under Pressure to reveal their latest plans "I know it's great that during this cost of living crisis we are still managing to generate absolutely enormous profits but where is the thrill in being totally legit. I mean just imagine the buzz that Nadhim Zahawi must have got fiddling his tax accounts. So we've decided to diversify our portfolio in an aim to generate even more profit and a bit of an adrenaline buzz too." "Having managed to break into people's homes quite succesfully it seems a natural business progression to move into fencing goods that we have stolen from these properties. Then a bit of smuggling would be a very...

  For someone whose favourite film is possibly Cinema Paradiso, the chance to go and watch another film about the love of cinema wasn't one I was going to turn down. So last night the world was put on hold and I had a trip to the Bonington theatre in Arnold to see Empire of Light staring Olivia Coleman, Toby Jones and Colin Firth, who apparently quite liked to have his c%$k sucked!! Set in the early 1980's somewhere along the south coast (Margate I think), it told the story of the interacting relationships, between workers at the Empire theatre, and how that old art deco building situate right on the sea front played an integral part is said relationships. TOM would have remarked at its conclusion 'well that wasn't very happy was it'. I on the other hand might have said it was' achingly melocholy'. And we all know I love a bit of meloncholy.  Stunningly filmed by Roger Deakins, it featured a towering central performance by Olivia Coleman (but when was her la...

So here we are. Three years on from the moment when we took back control following our departure from the EU. And what control that turned out to be. Just a little earlier this week it was revealed, although to be honest it didn't need that much revealing, that the UK has the worst performing economy in the G7, is the only major economy that hasn’t returned to pre-pandemic GDP levels, and is the only major economy predicted to shrink in 2023. That was worth fighting for wasn't it my dear Brexiteers, being in control of our own demise. Yet not all see those figures as ones of doom and gloom Speaking in an exclusive with Grace Under pressure's very econominal editor, staunch Leave campaigner, Bulldog Barry, revealed, "It really all about context. I mean you can't really compare apples and oranges can you. Yes to the Remoaners it might well look when compared to the other members of the G7 that the UK is in a death spiral. But, and this is where context is important...