3rd February British Gas ready to diversify


Fresh from admitting that they have been breaking into the homes of some of their most vulnerable customers in order to install pay as you go meters, British Gas have announced that they are branching out into a whole range of nefarious activities that would grace any crimnal underworld

Head of British Gas,  Pie Lot Lite, spoke to Grace Under Pressure to reveal their latest plans "I know it's great that during this cost of living crisis we are still managing to generate absolutely enormous profits but where is the thrill in being totally legit. I mean just imagine the buzz that Nadhim Zahawi must have got fiddling his tax accounts. So we've decided to diversify our portfolio in an aim to generate even more profit and a bit of an adrenaline buzz too."

"Having managed to break into people's homes quite succesfully it seems a natural business progression to move into fencing goods that we have stolen from these properties. Then a bit of smuggling would be a very nice addition to our services. Finally what's wrong with a little bit of kidnap and extortion."

"Of course this would mean breaking into houses of people who can afford to pay thir gas bills and who to be honest probably haven't even noticed there is a cost of living crisis. But to be be honest our prices are already a crime so let's just all embrace it"






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