Grace Under Pressure 2

 And last but by no means least, the final visitors to arrive in Bethlehem...the three Wise Men. Currently still on the journey and enjoying a stop over in Hucknall    

 So as promised here are some more of my dangling baubles for this year      

So today is the day that the decorations went up. Not at home silly but down at 'Central' in readiness for the start of Advent on Sunday.  One of the advantages of having a suspended / false ceiling is that my natural inclinations to let it all just 'dangle down' can be lived out to the full. So it's been up with a mix of the old and new, with some familiar faces / figues being joined by some new additions to the heavenly host.  Hopefully they might make people think, make people question, make people giggle and hopefully make one or two raise their eyebrows in shock! Have a look for your self... More tomorrow...

  A couple of snaps of me just beginning to 'run' along the top of  Curbar Edge on Saturday. If only medals were awarded from grim determination...

The final shortlist for this years Booker Prize for fiction has just been announced with all six of the authors short-listed for the first time.   The prestigious prize is open to works of fiction written in English by authors anywhere in the world and published in the UK or Ireland.  All the short-listed authors receive £2,500 with the winner, announced on 26 November, will receive £50,000. Whilst in previous years this award has been one where it was often been impossible to predict the winner, this year most major high street bookmakers and on line syndicates are predicting it will be a simple head to head two horse race to claim the prize for the best fiction of 2023. The first of the two red hot fiction favourites is Matt Hancock's 'Pandemic Dairys', account of how he single handedly saved the world during the Covid epidemic. Published by vanity publishers, Flights of Fancy, this unpickupable volume charts how Hancock not only made all the PPE himself out of recycled...

So it's that time of year again when I engage in my annual battle with the Baslow Bolt, one that I normally lose quite comprehensively. Today on an absolutely perfect day for running, with a frost underfoot and a cloudless blue sky criss crossed with aeroplane vapour trails overhead, I lined up alongside 336 other runners, some clad head to toe in flourescent lycra, some wearing seasonal Christmas hats and a few brave souls dressed in only skimpy shorts and singlets. After a few words of biblical encouragement from the local utlra marathon running vicar, and a reminder that only half of the plots in the graveyard where we started the race were filled with previous Bolt runners (lol, lol) we were off.  This involved a mass 150 yard sprint to get to the first pinch point as quick as possible to avoid a long wait in line. Or if you are me, to enjoy a welcome respite and an opportunity to catch my breath after said 150 yard sprint.  Not that it mattered because it was then all uph...

At a time of year when it is easy to become overwhelmed with people who seem to develop an amazing seasonal ability to find fault or critisize whatever it is you have done, a single compliment is like a spark of light in the darkness. Today after conducting a funeral in Mansfield, I was approached by someone who I assumed was one of the mourners just wanting to say 'lovely service vicar'. Instead this couple said, 'We work in the funeral business down in Derby. We sit through hundreds of these ceremonies and we just wanted to say that was fantastic.' And I'll take that everyday of the week!

I n news that has milllions of people ordering noise cancelling headphones, non super group Girls Aloud have announced that they are reuniting.  Formed 21 years ago on reality TV show Popstars, which shows just how bad pop music was then, according to sources that are very unreliable and unbelievable, the band is reported to have had 20 top ten hits, of which I can proudly name precisely none.  The group that is now comprised solely of Cheryl Tweedy, Cheryl Cole , Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, Cheryl and Chezza are expected to play a nationwide tour of working mens clubs and shopping centres just like they did back in 2002 . Tour dates are expected to be released for 2024, giving you plenty of time to be elsewhere when they come to your town / city. O ne piece of good news is that the band are not going to inflict any new material on a public that has done nothing to deserve such an aural torment.

There are some things in life that are just not right. Putting up your Christmas decorations before the start of Advent is one of them.  Now you coud be excused your festive faux pas, which is French for F&%k Up, if you were raising money for charity or just plain mental.  But this Christmas crime is made even worse if you are actuallty supposed to know the liturgical seasons of the year. Talk about not practising what you preach. No wonder 'you', and you know I'm talking about you, are so tired

With viewers turning off in their millions (what millions of people watch this nonsense?) producers of ITV's 'IACGMOOH have come up with what many people are saying is the hardest challenge ever set during the history of the series. And no before you ask it isn't for Ant and Dec to actually be funny! In an exclusive, insider sources have revealed to Grace Under Pressure that it will involve the £1.5million pound man, Nigel Farage, as he is challenged not to eat an Ostrich's anus or crawl through a tunnel full of creepy crawlies, but rather too explain 10 benefits of Brexit.  For every benefit that Mr Farage succesfully convinces the British public that it has left them better off rather than remaining in the European Union, he will receive a meal for one of his campmates. For every idea the British public rejects via an instant on line vote, Mr Farage will have to spend 5 mins in an enclosed space with a foreigner. At the time of going to press rumours reaching Grace Un...

  Just feel like I am running on fumes at the moment due to a variety of factors. And it doesn't really help that the thing that gets me away from the exhaustion of the daily treadmill, is actually running, which just tires me out even more. A Catch 22 if ever I saw one. And with the beast that is the Baslow Bolt at the end of the week, it's going to be an uphill struggle, literally and metaphorically. So, with no other ideas in my head today as to what to upload into cyberspace, here is a lovely little dittie by King Creosote and Jon Hopkins, that just happens to be called 'Running on Fumes'  

  Circuit sharing day photo bombed by the best dressed minister in Methodism!

  A cloud of confusion hung heavy over the blue end of Stanley Park today as Everton fans tried to cut through the confusion of how their club could be found guilty of spending too much money, and yet still be as s*&%e as they are. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, life long Everton supporter, Toff Eee, revealed, " I think it’s a disgraceful decision. Anyone who has had the misfortune to own a season ticket for the past few years will know that there has been absolutely no benefit whatsoever on the pitch despite the excess money we have spent. I mean signing Dele Alli hardly turned us into world beaters did it." "I woke up this morning to find us second from bottom of the Premier League after the deduction of 10 points for breaching the Premier League’s profit and sustainability rules, which is apparently not allowed if you are not owned by an oligarch, an oil magnet or the owner of an NFL franchise." "I am just hoping that next year, when we have...

Yesterday I went on a little jolly with TOM down to Stratford Upon Avon and thehome of the  Royal Shakespeare Company see a performance of 'Cowbois', described as an LGBTQI+ friendly performance that would play with our expections of gender, roles and relationships in a Wild West Town.  It was something TOM had spotted a while ago and although the 70 miles trip took us further than we would normnally go, it was well worthwhile. Cowbois was set in town where all the men, save for an alcoholic sherriff and a young boy, have been gone for almost a year, feared lost in an explosion in a gold mine, leaving the town's womenfold to live out their lives not only fending for themselves but finding themselves too. Lives that get turned upside down and inside out when the notorious 'good bad trans guy' bandit and outlaw Jack Cannon rides into town A melting pot of Americana, British Victorian values and 2023 exploration of gender identity and fluidity, it featured an ensemble...

  Vernon is not the only one running on empty

Yesterday Vernon Kay set off on his ultra marathon challenge to run from Leicester to Bolton, a total of 115 miles in 4 days, to raise funds for Children in Need. And as I type there is no end in sight.  Not with regards the run itself but in respect to the almost total non stop drivle that Zoe Ball and co on Radio 2 have been spouting about it all bloody day since I got up. I'd gladly sponser him if it made them shut up and just play some music. I'd also like to run with Vernon, mainly because he makes me look ike Usain Bolt. Now I know he probably gets waylaid with people wanting to chat, donate cash and have selfies but his time of just under 8 hours to cover 27 miles (thats seventeen and a half minutes per mile) makes my only attempt to cover the marathon distance look positively gold medal winning in comparision. Having said that I didn't then have to get out of bed and do a further 40 miles the next day. If memory serves me right getting downthe stairs was hard enou...

With confirmation that Nigel Farage is to be one of the contesntants in the next series of 'I'm a C List Celebrity Get Me Outta Here, a wave of wide spread demonstrations has swept across Australia led by it's indiginous population.  And by that I don't mean the white settlers or original aboriginal inhabitants, but rather by dung beetles, wichety grubs and the anus'of a variety of creatures who have expressed their outrage and disgust at having to place themselves in close proximity to Nigel Farage. Speaking in an axclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure, spokesperson for the Creepies and Crawlies union, Mag Got revealed, "Strewth mate we thought we'd had it bad in the past, you know having to lie with Matt Hancock, Nadine Dorris and Katie Hopkins but we are nothing but professional and just cracked on with the job. This is another level, another level lower. I know people will say we are only doing it for the money but every grub has its price. And i...

Virtually true rumours reaching Grace Under Pressure this afternoon suggest that Suella Braveman was spotting in the Kinightsbridge branch of Millett, the outdoor specialists, earlier this morning, perusing the tent section. At the time of going to press it is uncertain whether Ms Braveman has made this retail therapy excursion in order to snap up an early Christmas bargain for a friend or possibly in preparation to go glamping at Glasto next year. Or perhaps like other unemployed people forced to live under canvas, it's just a lifestyle choice, having been unceremoniously kicked out on her a&%e in the latest government reshuffle. Whether it was Rish Sunak's in-tent-ion to create such an in-tents situation via this in-tentional action is unknown but it's brought Big Dave back into the picture, and a braver man you cannot find in politics.

       

  He wanted me for a sunbeam not a poppy!!!

  For the past 8 months of the year I thought that the wound has healed, that the scar had knitted back together and that the pain has gone. And then out of blue, when I was least expecting it, it's all started to happen again, like a repeating nightmare I cannot escape from. In the past couple of days I have seen it primarily on the school run, outside school gates and amongst the pram pushers on their way to Costa. And no it's not an irrational fear of clowns holding red balloons that has caused me to break out in a cold sweat.  It is in fact the fashion crime of the winter season, one that should have been left on the cutting room floor, but one that unbelievably has not only found its way into the shops but appears to have found great favour with the general public. I am of course talkin about the long, sometimes very long quilted coat. Let's be honest it looks dreadful and gives the appearance of someone trying to walk around whilst wearing in a sleeping bag or duvet. ...

  Unfaithful Morris dancer believed to have led spouse on a merry dance Cash stapped chiropracter forced to sell back catalogue Homeless charity announces sale; now is the winter of our discount tents  Sunak asks Russel Brand to stand as replacement for Peter Bone Humza Yousaf's inlaws refuse to stay in SNP motor home Nitrous Oxide ban is no laughing matter Fast fashion declared not ethical or climate friendly. Boo hoo Runcorn supergrass enters Widnes protection  'Hello Dolly' voted sheeps favourite musical Jersey unravels in gale force winds Privare funeral for Matthew Perry included just family and friends Retiring clown cuts all ties with former partner

In breaking news an unelected man who got his current job simply by being born in the right place, at the right time, to the right family, delivered a speech today on behalf of another unelected man who got the job because the woman who actually beat him in a contest for the job turned out to be as mad as a box of frogs Defending the decision to arrive for his day at the office in a gold carriage, according to Palace insiders King Charles was simply demonstrating a lifestyle choice much in the same way Cruella Braverman has deduced that the homeless live in tents as a result of another lifestyle choice. King Charles then delivered a speech that no one was really interested in but which did succeed in carrying out the main objective of the current government which was to distract people's attention just long enough so they didn't spend all day speculating on which Tory MP would be accused of sexual misconduct today.   

Anyone listening to Radio 2 over the past few months would think that far from trying to evolve into the hip, cool and trendy station its seems to want to be with its ousting of old favourites and installing of new DJs / presenters, it was actually aiming for an exclusivly geriatric audience.  This week it has been wall to wall The Beatles and that new song. Last month its was the octogenerians The Rolling Stones who appeared to be flavour of the month with their first CD of new material in 18 years, 'Hackney Diamonds' All of which is avery round about way of saying that whilst surfing this morning I stumbled across this, and was reminded just what a fabulous version of a Stones song it is.  A while ago I shocked you and even myself by uploading a track by Katie Melua, today be prepared to have your flabber well and truly gasted as you sit back and listen to the simply sublime Susan Boyle, yes you did read that correct, Susan Boyle and her stunning version ofthe Stones classic...

  One of the difficulties we have had trying to establish our 'Tiny Toes' group for parents/ carers and their under 18 month old little ones has been trying to gain some momentum. Having switched from an afternoon to a morning group it has been slow to start. And it has felt as if  we have only just got started when we have to halt things for the various half term holidays.  Add into that mums returning back to work, illnesses that sweep through that age group and the general uncertainty of how life will turn out on a Monday has meant, well its all been a bit stop start. So today, after a long day yesterday that included two churches services and three in various care homes, where the attention / interaction was to say the least variable, I wasn't filled with ethusiasm as we reopened Tiny Toes after the break. But what did I know... Within 20 mins of opening we had 9 mums and 10 pairs of tiny toes enjoying the safe space we try to provide. Our biggest turnout yet, with so...

One of the fun things about going on our cruise next year is the opportunity to 'dress up' for the two Captin's Dinner Nights that wehope to be able to attend whilst on board. Fun that is providing we can find somethign suitable to wear as neither of us are too sure how dressed up we need to be.  I have a gazzillion jackets that I normally wear on a Sunday and once fitted with a suitably eccentric bowtie I should pass muster. TOM on the other hand needs a little help in the sartorial stakes and so not wanting to spend more than neccessary, I have been browsing the local charity shops in search of a Tuxedo suit or just a smart dinner jacket. So far the trouble has been that, and how shall I put this, TOM is a little short for his weight, so that if the trousers fit around the waist, the legs are way too long. If the leg length is right, the waist is too small. Thankfully we have yet to encounter a Rish Sunak style pair of trousers. Then if the jacket fits around the chest, t...

If every there was a single moment when the danger of AI became apparent  to the world it was at 2pm last Friday afternoon when the last  song by the Beatles (hopefully) hit the airwaves. From the first piano chords of Now and Then , it became obvious to even the most die hard Beatles fan just why the song has remained as a demo on a cassette in a shoe box in the back of John Lennon's wardrobe. And that's where it would and should have have remained but for the fact that the AI genie has been let loose out of the bottle. The remaining Beatles who are alive, sensing an opportunily to make a fast buck and remind the world they were actually alive, were quick to jump on the bandwagon, by adding some base lines and a drum track that could be played by a four year old.  Mix in some swooping strings, a guitar solo from the other Beatle who is dead, throw in a whole heap of nostalgia and wall to wall radio play and you've got a hit. Even though the song itself is dreadful and i...

I n a tit for tat exchange that has been developing over a number of years, neighbours in a nomally quiet Hucknall street are about to commence round 1 of their annual attempts to out do each other in seasonal seriousness. Whilst the Christmas challenge to see who can virtually drain the national grid when they switch on an array of Christmas lights that make the Las Vegas strip seem relatively tame, is still a few weeks away, Sunday night (and possibly earlier) will see another assault on the senses take place.This time the ears as the neighbours try to see who can have the loudest and longest fireworks. Ashfield council has issued an evacuation order to anyone living withing a 5 mile radius whose household might contain nervous pets or elderly relatives in an attempt to limit what it called 'severe soiling situations' Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, Hucknall resident, Guy Forks, revealed, "That Clive Myrie isn't going to need to go to Israel to see an arial assualt...

In breaking news Grace under Pressure can reveal that at least one of the 40 new hospitals promised by the Boris Johnson back in 2020 has now received appropriate funding.  This was after Dominic Cummings had to put a pound into a swear jar every time he wqas found to have used an expletive during the Covid lockdown. Whilst some were shocked at his choice language, if truth be known many of those expletives aimed at various individuals were more often than not the same words we were all muttering under our breath. Reading transcripts of Mr Cummins' e mails, Whats App messages, voice notes and texts, his use of potty mouthed profanities made The Thick of It's Director of Communications,  Malcolm Tucker, look like someone you would want to read a bedtime story to your children. With a £1 popped into the swear jar for every F&*k, C£$t or W*%&^r noted within the space of his 3 hour spell under cross examination at the Covid inquiry, Dominic Cummings has single handedly don...

Over the past couple of days, to quote The Fast Show, 'I have been mostly doing poppies'. Well I say over the past couple of days, when in reality it's been the past few months.  This has involved, collecting empty plastic bottles, washing them, cutting the bottoms off them, trimming them and then painting them red. drilling holes in them, threading them with 'invisible' fishing line or attaching them with paper fasteners.  Remembering to add the black dots to their centres and then last but not least, either planting them, suspending them or hanging them at four of my five churches (the other church was ahead of the curve and had already done theirs last year) And if I do say so myself, the end results are rather splendid. A lot of work...yes. But worth all the time and effort..certainly.