17th April What goes up, doesn't have to come down

With the straights of Hormuz now open / closed / open / closed on a repeating 30 minute cycle depending on who has put out the latests tweet, Oil companies across the world are thinking very, very, very hard about arranging a series of very, very, very hard meetings to plan for beginning the very, very, very difficult, complex and protarcted process of bringing down the prices of petrol.

Many experts feel that this will occur at the same speed a feather falls to the ground from a great hieght as opposed to the very, very, very easy, uncomplicated and lightening fast process they all agreed upon to jack prices through the roof with the speed of an Artemis Rocket take off as soon as the first bomb fell on Tehran. 

Oil Company executive, Ivor Bigwell, revealed to Grace Under Pressure, "It's not quite that simple to bring prices down. I mean we have to think of our company profit margin, our share price, our shareholders annual dividend, my salary. These things can't be adjusted willy nilly especially is they are all massively high." 

"But just to put matters into perspective," continued Ivor Bigwell,  "the rise in the price of oil is nowhere near as quick as the transit authorities of New York managed to institute a seven fold increase in the price of a return commuter train ticket from Penn Station to MetLife Stadium New Jersey from its usual £12.90 to a mahoooosive £73.80."