10th March Petrol stations ask Trump to extend war


The sound of stiffled giggles could be heard from many petrol stations earlier this morning as forcourt managers flicked the switch to further increase the price of petrol by another couple of pence per litre. 

Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Undre Pressure's very own almost fossilised correspondent, Pump Superintendent, Diesel Forever, revealed, "Sometimes I wait until they have started to put the petrol in their car before I raise the price. It hilarious to see the look on their face. Some of my customers have been in tears when they realise they will need to take out a bank loan to fill up their Chelsea Tractors to drive Jacintha and Cressida the 350 yards to middle school each day." 

"I don't care cause it doesn't affect me as I drive an illegal e scooter, mainly on the pavemnets and almost always above the legal speed limit. Plus I have shares in various oil companies."  

"I don't know who the Straights of Hormuz are, and don't really care about peoples personal sexual expression but the longer they stay closed the better for my share dividend. Donald Trump and Benny Netenyahooo can keep this war going to Christmas as far as I am concerned. I've already got a brass band on standby for when the price hits £2 a litre in a few weeks time."








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