9th February I could do THAT

Less than 72 hours after the official offening of the Winter Olympics in Milano-Cortina, icephobic Britons are already convinced that they could do almost all the scheduled events without too much fuss and / or even training.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's partially defrosted investigator, Hucknall's resident couch potato Gizza Goe, who cancels going to work at the sight of the first snowflake and whose closest encounter with ice is usually via a large G&T revealed, "I mean it can't be that difficult can it." 

"That luge for example is just like sliding down a big hill on a tea tray which we've all done as young lads. As for the bobsleigh well thats like you and yer mates all on a bigger tray ogether. Preferably after a few pints and a curry."

"Then theres,what's it called, oh yes the bi-athlon.Well I'm pretty convinced big Eric down the club swings both ways so we've got that one covered. And don't foregt skating. It's all very well Robin Cousins wetting himself whenever someone does a figure of 8, but waits till be sees my figure of 4, half the value but twice the skill required."

"According to press reports if you do the ski jumping yoO also get injections of Hyaluronic acid into your cock to make it bigger, which apparently help you to jump further. Bet Eddie the eagle wishes that was around when he was almost falling off the end of the ski jump. So you can sign me up for that performance enhancing drug!!" 

" And I know you shouldn't disparage these athletes who have spent years of traing to do this, but that event right at the start, the one that just involved carrying a lighted torch, I mean only two people qualified for the event so thats a guaranteed bronze medal for a start, which is one better than our lot out there have managed so far."