23rd February NHS over the worst

Spokesperson for the NHS, Corri Dor Care, has revealed in an exclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure that the current peak in episodes of 'Curling Fever' will begin to subside in the next few days. 

Described by medics as a 'mystery illness' that can be seen in residual low numbers in the highlands of Scotland throughout the year, once every four years the rest of the UK suddenly appears to lose its herd immunity and becomes temprarily infected only for the signs and symptoms to vanish almost as quickly as they appeared after a period of about 14 days

Traces of the initial infection that can be easily identified include endless blather down the local pub that includes phrases like 'holding the hammer, in the house and Bruce Mouat is really hot'. These initial signs and symptoms can develop in more serious physical injuries, ice burns, strained hip flexor muscles and a strange propenstity to try and move along the pavement by sliding on one shoe only.

Temporary relief can be given by imagining Claire Balding administering a brisk sweeping to your stones before she freezes them.



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