29th January Millions of runners paralysed

 Garmin Fenix 8 smartwatches

Millions of runners worldwide woke up this morning, afternoon or evening depending on where they were to discover that they had been paralysed and unable to put one carbon insoled trainer clad foot in front of the other.

This was not the result of a sudden viral outbreak that had moved at speeds most runners cannot even dream about but due to a sudden technical glitch that rendered the Garmin variey of smart sports watches redundant. Because we all know that if a run isn't recorded down the most microscopic detail, then it didn't actually happen and doesn't count towards whatever insane milage target you were aiming for this week. 

Like fainting goats or narcoleptic meerkats, normally adrenaline fueled runners, clad in tip to toes lycra, collapsed in a sudden heap on the floor and just sat staring vacantly at their watch screens as the blue triangle of death stared back at them, as they pressed buttons in increasingly random sequences trying to make their devices work in vaine.

Those most affected were runners whose Garmin watch is so expensive it contains features that this predestrian plodder doesn't understand never mind want. Thankfully for this running reprobate today was a 5km to couch day, my favourite kind of running day when there is actually no running at all.

 

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