Grace Under Pressure 2

  I'll be glad to see the end of this month as I feel a bit punch drunk to be honest. Firsty there have been five covenant services to conduct at which we renew our promise to look out for and then join in with whatever God is already doing.  And whilst is always a good service to lead it is also a challenging one for everyone sharing in it. Especially following on from the cancelation of the 1st one at the beginning of January due to snow, I still have one more to go this Sunday. And whilst some people might think just repeating a service at five different places over the space of a month is actually less demanding than doing five different services, it doesn't seem to be the case. Then there have been five church council meetings to conduct, each with their own celebrations, concerns and causes of inertia within the life of five very different churches. And stumbling from one to the other, all in the space of a month never leaves enough time to deal with what one meeting has...

  Millions of runners worldwide woke up this morning, afternoon or evening depending on where they were to discover that they had been paralysed and unable to put one carbon insoled trainer clad foot in front of the other. This was not the result of a sudden viral outbreak that had moved at speeds most runners cannot even dream about but due to a sudden technical glitch that rendered the Garmin variey of smart sports watches redundant. Because we all know that if a run isn't recorded down the most microscopic detail, then it didn't actually happen and doesn't count towards whatever insane milage target you were aiming for this week.  Like fainting goats or narcoleptic meerkats, normally adrenaline fueled runners, clad in tip to toes lycra, collapsed in a sudden heap on the floor and just sat staring vacantly at their watch screens as the blue triangle of death stared back at them, as they pressed buttons in increasingly random sequences trying to make their devices work in ...

in breaking news a Hucknall man has won what can only be described as a 'life changing' prize in a local inter church sporting challenge at The Lost City golf resort tonight.  The man who does not want to attract any publicity and who is keeping news of this sporting triumph to himself is reported to be considering whether he will be able to retire on his winnings.  Using the first 17 holes of the vigourously fought competition, an event that made the rivallry of the Ryder Cup look insignificant,  as a mere warm up and opportunity to lull his competitors into a false sense of security, the annonymous individual, who we will simply refer to as 'the wise one' pulled out a shot made in heaven on the final and most important hole. Many children have spend their entire childhood dreaming of winning a Golden ticket in order to visit Willie Wonka's World of Chocolate.  Last night at just after 8.30pm, all this mans dreams came true in a kaleidoscope of flashiing light...

  Everyone would like to have their cake and eat it, no more so that bosses of big companies who would now like all their serfs, I mean operatives, sorry minnions, no better make that employees to work from the office five days a week but still be available to answer 'work e mails' when they are at home 24 a day, 7 seven days a week. In an exclusive almost truthful and generally imagined interview with Grace Under Pressure's very own housebound keyboardist,  Bel Lend, company spokesperson for leading Footise 100 company Fuckitall, revealed it was "ending its policy whereby workers can avoid the daily 90 minute commute on a sardine special slow service from the south coast in order to boost team spirit and corporate bonding. And yes there might be the odd e mail out of office hours But I'm sure people don't mind  that in order to boost their efficiency." 15 year worker at Fuckitall, Ivor Nopantzon, wasn't as enthusiastic to hear the latest news, "...

  With sketches already done, architects are now just struggling to find a slab of rock large enough to scuplt the biggliest of egos in stone. And a state dumb enough to want it but with 31 states showing a Repulican majority in the lat election the choice is a big one

 

  Having decided that the plan of those heartless, mean and nasty Tories to send refugees and asylum seekers to Rwanda was unfair the Labour government has been left wondering how to try and recoup some of its billions of pounds investment into said sad scheme.  The latest braiwave from the boffins in no 10 is to send any storms arriving here off to that sun soaked location pretty pronto.Government spokesperson, Balmy Dayz revealed, "These storms they come here illegally from overseas. They have no official paper work and all have funny foreign sounding names which they appear to change almost every couple of weeks. They pass through all sort of other countries where they could stop but they just carry on to here, often crossing oceans in the process." "We had hoped that placing giant billboards showing the faces of Nigel Farage and Lee Anderson all along the coastline might have discourged them but that idea was blown away. Then we wondered if the £5 tourist tax places ...

  Today I have been on a retreat organised by the district. And what's more 3/4 of the staff team came along as well on the strict understanding that we didn't all sit together around the same table.(I see enough of them as it is!!) The theme of the retreat was Psalm 8: knowing your place. Not the longest of the psalms by any stretch of the imagination at just 9 verses with the last being a repeat of the opening line and so I did wonder how we would manage to stretch it out for a proposed 6 hours. The answer was thankfully we didn't. As for what I learned today? Well not a great deal about the psalm to be honest. I enjoyed travelling there by tram and seeing the route south of the city centre .I learned that the spirit of Les Dawson's piano playing is alive and well and that there is one circuit in the Derby and Nottingham district where I definitely don't want to go when I move on. I also learned that making spontaneous decisions is often a mistake. So much so that...

  Hands up those of you who love the Aardman animations featuring Wallace and Gromit. Yes I thought as much.Their most recent adventure 'Vengeance Most Fowl' one of the most watched programmes over Christmas attracting over 9 million viewers, a figure rising to over 21 million when you include all the views via catch up. In it they were reunited with their arch nemesis the villainous penguin, Feathers McGraw, who made his first appearance back in their 1993 classic 'The Wrong Trousers'. On Monday night I found myself performing in a parody version of that particular animation only this one was entitled 'The Wrong Shoes'. Normally for my 'dogging sessions' in the woods with the Stonehills possee, I know that it's going to be all on trails and so am able to wear the right shoes. Last night knowing that 3/4 of our propsed route was going to be on the tarmac roads through Newstead Abbey I plumped for my road shoes as they offer a lot more cushioning and ...

         A double blow today for the world of music with the passing of two greats from very different musical genres.  Multi instrumentalist Garth Hudson, last surviving member of The Band, died today at the age of 87. Following on from the earlier deaths of other band members Richard Manuel, Rick Danko, Levon Helm and Robbie Robertson, the death today of Hudson reunited one of the greatest folk-rock bands of the late 60's early 70's for what I am sure would be a heavenly jam sessio. And then in a double whammy it was announced that guitar hero John Sykes has also died after losing his battle with cancer at the age of 65. Always one of my favourite guitarists, Sykes came to promicence when he joined Thin Lizzy on what was to be their final Thunder and Lightening tour, which I was lucky enough to see in Manchster many many moons ago.  His stunning solo during the live version of 'Still in love with you', which is playing in the background as I upload ...