19th September From one pensioner to another

Sue Gray paid more than Keir Starmer ...

Ever wondered where all the money saved from not giving pensioners their winter fuel allowance was going? Well wonder no more. It's simply being transfered 'amongst pensioners' or to be more precise to one particular pensioner, Sue Gray.

Quicker to spin than a well lubricated gyroscope, government spokesperson, Ease Incharge, revealed that in order to keep hold  67 year old ministerial advisor Sue Gray, having found out that government was quite a bit harder than simply shouting from the opposition benches, certain funding issues had to be addressed. 

"We campaigned on the promise that we would put more into a pensioner's pocket and now we have done just that. It's just a misunderstading of semantics that caused those who voted us into power to assume we meant more than one pensioners pocket."

"And £170,000 is a small price to pay to appear remotely competant espcially given that our leader is so poor he and his wife can't even afford to buy clothes, glasses or pay for accomodation and have to rely on other people 'donating' them so they can go to posh functions and other governmental occasions like having a free seat in a corporate box down the 'Arse, and tickets to see Taylor Swift and Coldplay."

"I mean it's not like someone else is in charge and running the show from behind the screens pulling the strings like Dominic Cummins did. Although that might explain Sir Keir's resemblance to a Thunderbird puppet. We can say catagorically that Sir Keir Starmer has been very clear that Sue Gray has told him that he's still in charge until she tells him he isnt."

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