31st August Starmer rolls out health plan

In what some people have called a possibly true, fact free inclusive, Grace Under Pressure can reveal that banning smoking in and around the vicinity of a pub is only the first step in Sir Kier Starmer's plan to produce a healthier public. 

Not content with being the Nicotine Nanny and preventing 12 years old from enjoying a vap on the way to school, Starmer now plans to stop consenting adults from fueling their addiction outdoors as well as in. 

Plans for 2025 also include banning eating from pubs in an attempt to fight the over proliferation of food fatties up and down the land. Alcohol will be next on the list of fun things to do in a pub to hit the wall, followed swiftly by playing pool, chucking a few arrows, singing along to song on a juke box, playing the slots and sitting round tables with friends.

Virtually speaking to Grace Under Pressure Sir Kier Starmer revealed, "I cut out all of these things a long time ago and removing these chemical stimulants and addictive additives has really helped me find my true self. Remove all the joyful activities from your life and you too can have a personality just like me."  

And we all thought that the Tories were the kill joy party!!


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