17th August A level student facing difficult dilemma


18 year old A level student Barry Butterworth has woken up today to come face to face with the realisiation that he does not have the grades neccessary to spend the next three years of his life getting pissed in Newcastle, after missing out on the chance to go to his 1st choice party venue.

Needing just three B's in order to get regularly hammered on the 'Diamond Strip',  Barry only managed to get three Cs after spending too much time making TikTok videos when he should have been revising.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure he revealed, "I’d done all my research about the best pubs, clubs, drugs and kebab shops and Newcastle came out at the top in four catagories. And then I saw they were offering a degree in Taylor Swift studies so it was a no brainer."

"Which is apparently what you need to do that particular degree, no real brain, as it just involves listening to her songs and talking about her various brief relationships. I know me mam thinks I could be a vet cause I walk our dog but I think that's pushing it".

“To be honest, I feel a bit lost right now. How am I supposed to know which are the best places to get drunk for an 18-year-old away from home for the first time? I hope the folks at clearing have some ideas about the next best place to build up a 50k debt by partying my life away for the next three years. I've heard Nottingham is a real piss pots paradise so who knows."


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