27th May 8 reasons to vote Conservative

 

1) Diversity in Leadership: Don’t just vote for another pale stale and male captain to steer the ship. We have incompetent leaders of all sorts different shapes, sizes, genders and races. And you won't even have to remember their names just their characters ie the boring one, the dancing one, the buffoon one, the mad one and the teeny tiny Indian one.

2) Vote for change: We are the party that has had as many different Prime Ministers in recent times as Chelsea has had football managers. Labour haven’t had a single Prime Minister since 2010, and probably can't even remember what the job involves.

3) Reliability: It its fixed, you can rest assured that we'll not just break it but f&^k it up so badly even Jay Blades and his Repair Shop team won't be up to the challenge. Surely there are some institutions that we have completed shafted in the past 14 years just waiting to be destroyed?

4) All the benefits of taking back control post Brexit including that £10,000 trade deal with Peru.

5) Blue Passports: Start your holiday to Europe by standing for 4 hours in a specially designed queue to get through passport control. Look on with regret at what taking back control actually achieved as all your European neighbours have collected their bags, cleared customs and are out of the airport before you can even see the end of the line you are standing in with a feral family on their way to an all inclusive fortnight in Magaluf.

6) Help us continue an amazing growth in the number of Food Banks popping up exponentially all over the country. But mainly in the north.

7) If you want new hospitals, schools, GP's and dentists we'll provide them. But only the really expensive exclusive private ones that we already use.

8) And last but by no means least, you can now to plan on turn your teenagers bedroom into an AirBnB when they trot off to spend 12 months as part of the Warmington on Sea Home Guard.