14th May Rishi's got a certain aurora.


it is often said that desperate time require desperate measures (or was it pleasures). So with the history of a Brexit inspired election victory fading faster than the UK chances of winning Eurovision, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has hit on what he thinks will be a sure fire winner.

Speaking in an exclusive with Grace Under Pressure, PM Sunak revealed, "In the past few months we have been banging on about halving inflation, reducing the national debt, cutting waitings list, stopping small boats and growing the economy but I now realise our focus has been wrong. This isn't what people want. What  they want are funny coloured lights in the sky. Not just at night and not just in one geographical location."

"People are asking why is it the north gets these auroras and we don't. What's so special about them? Well the answer is nothing, and if you vote Conservative at the next election, then there won't just be northen lights but southern lights, eastern lights, western lights and even midlands lights. All day. Every Day" 

"We might even do Welsh and Scottish lights too. But we will turn them off if they keep banging on about independance. We have a team of scientists working on it right now. It will be the biggest, brightest leveling up thats ever been proposed"

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure cannot promise that this will go ahead if the Tory are re elected (please God no) and can only assume that in another moment of election panic Rishi Sunak has simply gone a little light headed.

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