7th February Stormond assembly in hot water


Less than a week after agreeing they could finally work together after a two year hiatus in government, the NI Stormont Assembly has broken up again over a storm in a tea cup.

In an attempt to further extend the olive branch of peace and to show that there were no hard feelings, deputy First Minister DUP's Emma Little-Pengelly, offered to make a welcoming cup of tea for her political rivals including Sinn Féin's Michelle O'Neill, Northern Ireland's first nationalist First Minister during the early morning break in proceedings. Little did she know (or did she?) that everything was about to go up in a cloud of steam.

Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure, Sinn Fein member Millie Tant, shouted "What's this  Lapsang souchong shite!" spitting a mouthful of hot liquid out of her mouth. "It's weak as pissh and smells like the bottom of a whores handbag!.  Don't you know how to make proper tea? Nationalist tea!!"

"Tea made here in Ireland not this foreign abomination. Proper tea that's brewed in a pot for at least an hour and only after that can you add the milk. Just a drop mind you to give it colour rather than flavour. That comes from the four sugars." 

"And you call these Rich Tea biscuits do you? One dunk and there gone. We need proper biscuits, ones made here in Ireland. Ones that you can dunk three four times with no fear of them crumbling. We demand Shamrock shortbreads, Bolands Kimberleys or a good old fashioned Grahams." 

"This is just another example of the DUP seeking to weaken everything that true Irish people hold dear. So its teacups down and we're out."





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