14th January Inaction Man flexes his muscles


Nothing boosts your chances of winning an election more than having a bit of a mini war with a substantially inferior opponent. Not even having control of the economy, immigration or a functioning health service.

So is it just coincidence that Rishi Sunak is keen to flex his military muscles in the very year he will be bidding for re-election,or simply election if we are being pedantic.

Speaking in an exclusive undercover stealth operation to Grace Under Pressure, a government spokessman, revealed "Armed conflict is absolutely, utterly awful and should be avoided at all costs unless you happen to be beind in the opinion polls, when it fact a bit of 'Argy Bargy' is just what the doctor ordered. Just ask Margaret Thatcher how the Falklands crisis helped to return her to power."

"Nothing gets the Union Jacks flying from bedroom windows quicker than a war. Or a major international football competition. Or a National Front rally. I mean Bennie Knianyahoooo is all over the front pages of newspapers and that can't have done his election chances any harm can it?"

"And what really good about this war is that it's miles and miles away. One that just involves planes taking off from ships and blowing the shit out of sand. Who knows we might even get Rishi on one of those ships dressed in special designer label military fatigues ( if them make them that small). I mean his two 30 minute visits to the Ukraine have almost won the war."

"Now wouldn't that just compel you to vote Conservative. And if it also makes everyone forget the governments involvement in the Post Office scandal, well that's just a bonus isn't it."


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