8th October If...

In an exclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure, life size action man figure, Sir Kier Starmer, has revealed that following the Rutherglen and Hamilton West by election result, he is confident that his Labour party is headed for number 10 if...

If every single seat at the next election is in a constituency where the last MP was kicked out of Paliament and her party for a blatent breach of Covid rules, the main opposition party leader had resigned and is under investigation for alleged financial irregulatities, people were just fed up of independence being the only party policy, voter turn out is in single figures and no other credible other parties stand against them, then perhaps a nationwide election miracle will happen.

A visibly bouyant Sir Keir Starmer said: “I feel really really confident a change is gonna come. I know people will say its a long shot, equivalent to winning the lottery or England playing attractive rugby at the World Cup but stranger thngs have happened."

"All we need to do is for the Tories to continue cancelling major stationary projects like the delivery of HB2 pencils to the north of England and not have any cock womble local Labour mayors introduce ULEZ poicies a month before the election and we should be home and dry. If that happens then I will got to fly everywhere in a helicopter just like Rishi does now. If...."


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