5th October Cock of the year contenders revealed

With only a few months to go until the end of the year, the runners and riders in the Cock of the Year 2023 competition are bracing themselves for a final frantic finish with the emergence of some latecomers to this popular annual event.

First out of the starting gate and an uearly leader was Phillip Schofield who had never ever ever ever ever, until it was revealed that he had. Several times. With a young man. Close behind came (literally if reports are to be believed) Huw Edwards entering the race by becoming the news himself, instead of the man who simply read the news.

Neck and neck for several furlongs were Andrew Tate and Russell Brand who had their own distinctive ways of riding the fillies in the field. These were soon joined by Dan Wootton and Lawrence Fox both of whom should have been fitted with a bit and bridle to prevent them from spouting some of the misogynistic shit that has come out of their mouths in recent months.

And last but possibly aiming for first place is pererenial cockwomble Matt Hancock whose claims that he had a 'killer instinct' during the recent Celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins, went down like a lead balloon with all those who had lost loved ones in care homes due to Covid. Yes Matt you certainly did.