15th June Liar, Liar pants on fire!!!!


 Emergency services were called to an address on the border of Herne Hill and Dulwich Village in south east London this morning after a man's trousers suddenly burst into flames for no reason he could comprehand.

This act of spontaneous combustion happened a little after 9am, exactly the same time as a report by the Parlimentary Priviliges committe released a long awaited report to a waiting world eager for another celebrity or political scandal.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure one of his neighbours remarked, " I've read about these kind of things happening but never actually seen it. It was quite spectacular. He'd just come back in from one of those johs he does just for the benefit of the press."

"One minute His pants were perfect and the next the fabric was aflame. All I could here was him screaming, 'But I got Brexit done and we've taken back control. Except he didnt and we haven't. Just another lie to add fuel to the fire so to speak."

"Maybe I could have tried to help extinguish the flames by urinating on him but it seemed a waste of perfectly good piss to be honest."



 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6th May Olbia

Image
  A chance to stretch our legs today with our first port of call; Olbia, Sardinia. And it was a quick stretch too due to it being only a five hour stay. Up bright and early, so early in fact that the hot food at the buffet wasn't even ready to be served. Still it gave us a chance to watch the ship glide into port past a host of oyster/mussel beds, before performing a 180 degree turn to reverse into it's berth. A couple of short bus rides later and we were in downtown Olbia. But there an hour or so before anything appeared to open, the disadvantage of being early birds and something we don't seem to learn! Not that Olbia had a great deal to see or maybe if we had done the slightest bit of planning beforehand there might have benn but we didn't. It was pleasant enough but that's about it. It was pleasant enough but nothing special, indeed we were back on the ship after just a couple of hours ashore and then managed to sleep away most of th...
Read more

7th May Naples

Image
 I'm sure I've heard the phrase 'see Naples and die' suggesting that it is perhaps not the nicest location in the Mediterranean but if it's good enough for Diego Maradona fir a few years then it's good enough for me for 10 hours. Although the millions of tax free pounds he was paid might have eased his stay. By the time we got up, washed, dressed and up to The Kitchens, the rest of the ship were already there. Compared to the Marie Celeste of yesterday it was absolutely packed, presumably with people having breakfast before heading out on 8am excursions, our excursion was simply going to be the city of Naples itself as possible trips to Vesuvius, Pompei or the Amalfi coast would have been too much / tired.  So on a day when the weather initially seemed uncertain, we jumped aboard route A for the Hop on Hop off bus and headed out into the mayhem that is the Napoli traffic where it was every van, car and scooter for the selves. I think it's bes...
Read more