31st May Eamonn Holmes guide to compassion and forgiveness

Ever wished you could turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile or offer someone your coat even though they have only demanded your shirt? Ever wanted to appear more gracious and compassionate than Jesus? 

In fact have you ever set the bar so high that your aim was to be like the paragon of kindness and grace that is Eamonn Holmes? Then want no more for Grace Under Pressure is proud to present to 1st instalment in the Eamonn Holmes guide to 'Being a Better Human Being'.

Perhaps you could start by reaching out to someone at a former workplace. So what if they got a job you thought you deserved because you and your wife were a proper couple and he was a closet queen with a penchant for younger men. Remember you can't change the past, but you can keep banging on about it, as if your moment in front of the camera was the pinnacle of British TV.

Be glad that your career trajectory has been such that moving from prime time ITV to Sky and then continuing that downward spiral to GB News, has allowed you to spend more time with your family. In doing so you have actually helped further the career of less talented individuals whose pretend relationship is a mere shadow of what you and dear Ruthie actually have.

Be glad that you were kept on as summer holiday cover even though producers didn't think you were good enough to do the job full time. Don't worry that ITV's golden couple get to jet off on holiday with their kids for the best eight weeks / days / hours of the summer. Just enjoy the fact that you have been able to sacrifice cheap air fares and bargain hotel prices for their benefit. Transform that look of humiliation written all over your face into one of humility as you stand in to do the job you apparently weren’t good enough for.

Rejoice that you have been able to use the fact that your body is crumbling for the opportunity to advertise products no one wants to know about, let alone buy. Remember to update a world that doesn't care about every single little health issue you have in order to generate a wave of synpathy and concern. Even though it wont.

And finally if a fellow work colleage has found himself in a spot of difficulty in recent days, then get behind your keyboard and send out tweets of suport. Go on National TV and speak up on his behalf. Let him know you have his back by your every word, though and deed. Don't listen to other voices telling you he's a lying narsacistic prick who has finally been caught out and deserves everything that's coming to him.