8th March Cruella aims to tackle Linekar


Home Secretary Cruella Braverman today released a press statement exclusively to the only only blog guaranted of telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, when she announced that here in the UK International Women's Day would in future be rebranded British Women's Day.

Braverman who singly handedly tried to arrest and deport three people who were simply operating a pedalo around a boating lake in Portsmouth yesterday, described this measure as the only way that Britain could stops itself from being very, very, very full of foreigners.

Speaking exclusively in an often difficult to believe interview Cruella Braveman explained her position, "We want to celebrate all the things that British women do best such as like jam-making, keeping the house neat and tidy,  knitting, posing naked for canendars, doing the shopping. That sort of thing. Unless of course they are British women of Indian heritage who came here legally and then they could be doctors, lawyers, scientists and even politicians."

When asked what her next priorIty would be Cruella Braverman revealed that it would not as expected be to round up any people ariving on the south coast on inflatable boats but to detain any footballers who had played for Leicester, Tottenham, Everton, Barcelona and 23 injury hit appearances in two years for Nagoya Grampus Eight.

"If he thinks Vinny Jones hit him hard, then let's see how he feels when a tackle him from behind. He won't have any usable limbs left to tweet with!!!"

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