28th March Gwyneth on a slippery slope


In an amazing legal first, the jury of twelve good men and women in the skiing saga of Paltrow vs Anderson today returned an astonishing and unprecedented verdict in which it decided unanimously that Gwyneth Paltrow is suffering significant brain injuries. This is even though it was her coutroom advesary, Terry Anderson, who claimed to have suffered neurological damage as a result of their entanglement on the slopes .

Setting the context, the prosecution team began by showing how once upon a time Gwyneth Paltrow was mentally sharp as a pin by reminding the jury of some of the great choices she made in her roles as an actress by refering to Sliding Doors, Shakespeare in Love, The Talented Mr Ripley and even Shallow Hal.

Evidence for a decline in Ms Paltrow's mental wellbeing was then presented in graphic and grizzly detail. As far back as 2014 she described her marital divorce from Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin as 'conscious uncoupling', a nonsensical phrase that had even seasoned therapists gagging. 

Further clues as to her cognative demise appeared when she tried to convince the world it was a greeat idea to buy a candle smelling like her f$&&y. And finally in 2020 came her Netflix documentary series The Goop Lab, in which her once merely eccentric ideas about living a well balalnced healthy lifestyle turned out to be total b*&&$^%s.

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is able to confirm that one would need to be an 'Iron Man' to remain totally unmoved by the sight of this particular 'Pepper' going completely 'potty'.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6th May Olbia

Image
  A chance to stretch our legs today with our first port of call; Olbia, Sardinia. And it was a quick stretch too due to it being only a five hour stay. Up bright and early, so early in fact that the hot food at the buffet wasn't even ready to be served. Still it gave us a chance to watch the ship glide into port past a host of oyster/mussel beds, before performing a 180 degree turn to reverse into it's berth. A couple of short bus rides later and we were in downtown Olbia. But there an hour or so before anything appeared to open, the disadvantage of being early birds and something we don't seem to learn! Not that Olbia had a great deal to see or maybe if we had done the slightest bit of planning beforehand there might have benn but we didn't. It was pleasant enough but that's about it. It was pleasant enough but nothing special, indeed we were back on the ship after just a couple of hours ashore and then managed to sleep away most of th...
Read more

7th May Naples

Image
 I'm sure I've heard the phrase 'see Naples and die' suggesting that it is perhaps not the nicest location in the Mediterranean but if it's good enough for Diego Maradona fir a few years then it's good enough for me for 10 hours. Although the millions of tax free pounds he was paid might have eased his stay. By the time we got up, washed, dressed and up to The Kitchens, the rest of the ship were already there. Compared to the Marie Celeste of yesterday it was absolutely packed, presumably with people having breakfast before heading out on 8am excursions, our excursion was simply going to be the city of Naples itself as possible trips to Vesuvius, Pompei or the Amalfi coast would have been too much / tired.  So on a day when the weather initially seemed uncertain, we jumped aboard route A for the Hop on Hop off bus and headed out into the mayhem that is the Napoli traffic where it was every van, car and scooter for the selves. I think it's bes...
Read more