19th January I think he's just scored Gary!!


The BBC switchboard has been overwhelmed with complaints from irrate viewers after former crisps salesman, Gary Linekar, completely ruined the sound of a couple in the midst of what sounded like a bout of vigerous and possibly gymnastic lovemaking by his inane comments about Cody Gapko during the Wolverhampton Wanderers vs Liverpool FA cup tie

A spokesperson from the BBC offered an unreserved apology  “We regret any offence caused to viewers who had the unmistakable sounds of orgasmic ecstasy drowned out by Gary Lineker trying to earn every penny of his £1.35 million pound salary, under the delusion that he gets paid by the word."

"Here at the BBC we are a broad church and we attempt to cater for all sorts of diverse tastes. We suggest to our viewers that should they like the sound of grunting, groaning and high pitched squeeling they should tune into the Ladies tennis championships at Wimbledon later this year."

At the time of gong to press Grace Under Pressure is able to confirm that from the 4th round of the FA cup an 'adult content' soundtrack will be available for all matches on the red button. A button to mute out the innane drivel of the studio pundits and part time commentators during matches is still under developement.

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