21st December Giving up the ghost


In breaking news it has just been announced that the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future have decided that they are not even going to attempt to bother trying to get Jeremy Clarkson to mend his ways this year.

Since Victorian times, when ghosts were invented by Charles Dickins, these three phantom presences have traditionally attempted to get the most mean, cruel, ignorant and unpleasant people in the country to change their ways by scaring the living daylights out of them. Ebanezer Scrooge was first on their list followed by a succession of Tory ministers. However with Jeremy Clarkson, they believe that that there is literally 'diddley squat' chance of anything good actually happening.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure very own spectral phenomenon, the Ghost of Christmas Present revealed “Ebenezer Scrooge was the most awful man in London, tight-fisted, cruel, igronant and utterly dreadful to the core. Even before we started we always felt like there was a chance with him. But with Jeremy let’s be serious.”

"If we just think of Clarkson's past well there are all those insensitive, offensive and downright demeaning slurs he made whilst filming Top Gear. And those were just the ones aimed at Richard Hammond and James May", the Ghost of Christmas Past interupted. "We haven't even considered how he offended citizens of other countries in a way that made the Duke of Edinburgh look politically correct"

"And only this week he's managed to instigate the largest number of press complains ever at the  Independent Press Standards Organisation, with his Sun newspaper column, in which he said he “hated” the Duchess of Sussex and wished upon her one of the most appauling and humiliating scenes featured in Game of Thrones, receiving over 17,500 complaints." 

"Interestingly he did then manage to make an apology without actually saying the word 'sorry' to anyone, something that made even the animals on his farm think of him as a complete cock womble, added the Ghost of Christmas Future, " We all got together and thought about showing him his crimes against decency and morality that are still to come but none of us had the stomach for it. So we all all staying in to watch Call the Midwife instead."



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