7th November Surgeons battle to save Ronaldo


In breaking news that is sure to set the terraces all a twitter, Grace Under Pressure can report that at the time of going to press surgeons at the Manchester Royal Infirmary are battling to save the career of Manchester United's superstar striker after a monumental sulk threatened to paralyse his whole body.

Holder of innumerable records for apperances, goals and dives inside the penalty box that would make Tom Daly envious, Cristiano Ronaldo is no stranger to throwing the toys out of his pram when things don't go his own way. 

On Saturday afternoon against an Aston Villa team that had only recently sacked its own manager due to their own terrible form, what began as a pensive pout developed into a lip tremble just before half time. Early in the second half, VAR confirmed that a partial sulk has begun to appear on Cristiano's cheeks before slowly spreading over his perfectly groomed and manicured face.

Whilst there are many reports of this happening several times since his return to Old Trafford, the situation deteriorated rapidly in the changing rooms when Ronaldo's team mates failed to praise him for his performance, resulting in the sulk no longer containing itself to his face and head but began to spead all through Ronaldo'a body. This rendered him as immobile as TV replays suggest he had been during the entire 90 minutes of the game. 

At the time of going to press the entire city of Manchester is praying for Cristiano Ronaldo. United fans are praying that he will leave whilst fans of Manchester City are praying he will stay and contine to render their bitterest rivals as impotent as the queue outside a Viagra clinic.


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