19th November COP27 derailed by Nuthall Christmas lights

Tentative agreements on climate change and keeping the rising global temperatures below 1.5 degrees that have been bashed out between world leaders at the COP27 summit taking place in Egypt have been thrown into disaray by the actions of Barry and Sheila Smithereen from Nuthall after they switched on their Christmas lights. 

Despite both of the world's biggest contributors to global emmissions, India and China, having signed on the dotted line, the single solitary actions of a couple attempting to cover every inch of their house in fairy lights has rendered this dramatic step useless. Thought to use more wattage that the strip in Las Vegas and the Blackpool illuminations combined, the switch on at 17 Acacia Cresent caused a surge in demand that almost brought about the collapse of the National grid.

Scientists on the International Space Station had mistakenly thought that the Russia / Ukraine crisis has spread when a sudden flare of light was seen eminating from East Nottingham 6 miles up in space. It turns out it was just Barry and Shiela turning their decorations on for the first time.

Residents of Acacia Cresent have all been issued with safety goggles and warned that looking out of their windows after 4.40pm each evening will be the equivalent of looking directly into the glare from a thermonuclear blast. Local drivers you have been warned.