26th October Stop acting so wooden


First it was the nurses, then the post office workers. Train drivers then got on board, followed by workers at universities and now it is the turn of the no 10 lectern to demand a pay raise following an enforced change to its working practices. 

Speaking in an exclusive to Grace Under Pressure from Downing Street, the no 10 lectern revealed, "Look when I signed up for this job it was on the understanding that it would be for half a dozen times during the year maximum. You know really big moments like the death of a Queen or the announcement of the new I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here line up."

"But this past few months has got ridiculous. No sooner have I been taken back inside than I am expected to go out in front of the cameras again. In all sort of weather. You try standing out in the pouring rain for an hour trying to look your best and see how you like it. It just goes against the grain. No it's time to get the unions involved."

"Demanding a pay rise in line with inflaton is not being greedy especially with the cost of living crisis. Have you seen the cost of varnish these days? And now I'm expected to change my appearance everytime I appear on screen," bemoaned the lectern, "I'm not Laura Keunnsberg for F%$&s sake!"

"Still at least I am no longer the most wooden thing to appear outside Downing Street since Liz Truss departed to take up a new role as part of the Thunderbirds cast"

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6th May Olbia

Image
  A chance to stretch our legs today with our first port of call; Olbia, Sardinia. And it was a quick stretch too due to it being only a five hour stay. Up bright and early, so early in fact that the hot food at the buffet wasn't even ready to be served. Still it gave us a chance to watch the ship glide into port past a host of oyster/mussel beds, before performing a 180 degree turn to reverse into it's berth. A couple of short bus rides later and we were in downtown Olbia. But there an hour or so before anything appeared to open, the disadvantage of being early birds and something we don't seem to learn! Not that Olbia had a great deal to see or maybe if we had done the slightest bit of planning beforehand there might have benn but we didn't. It was pleasant enough but that's about it. It was pleasant enough but nothing special, indeed we were back on the ship after just a couple of hours ashore and then managed to sleep away most of th...
Read more

7th May Naples

Image
 I'm sure I've heard the phrase 'see Naples and die' suggesting that it is perhaps not the nicest location in the Mediterranean but if it's good enough for Diego Maradona fir a few years then it's good enough for me for 10 hours. Although the millions of tax free pounds he was paid might have eased his stay. By the time we got up, washed, dressed and up to The Kitchens, the rest of the ship were already there. Compared to the Marie Celeste of yesterday it was absolutely packed, presumably with people having breakfast before heading out on 8am excursions, our excursion was simply going to be the city of Naples itself as possible trips to Vesuvius, Pompei or the Amalfi coast would have been too much / tired.  So on a day when the weather initially seemed uncertain, we jumped aboard route A for the Hop on Hop off bus and headed out into the mayhem that is the Napoli traffic where it was every van, car and scooter for the selves. I think it's bes...
Read more