9th September Cast on, cast off or cast adrift?

In a move that is both bold and radical, after months of planning Liz Truss has revealed how she is going to help solve the soaring price of fuel crisis this winter, within hours of ascending to the Iron Throne.

In a move no one saw coming, (a bit like her becoming Prime Minister) and one which makes Rishi Sunak's attempts to give away billions during furlough seem pitiful, newly crowned PM Liz Truss will solve the enery price crisis by issuing knitting needles and a ball of wool to every citizen in the UK, together with the associated patterns to make socks, gloves, scarves and bobble hats. The wool will be available in a variety of colours provided your definition of the word variety is Tory blue.

Speaking to a visible traumatised Laura Keunessberg, Prime Minister Truss explained, "The whole of the world knows that Great Britain is a nation of knitters and natterers. So let's harness that potential energy. Who need nuclear, solar or wind power when the friction generated from milllions of needle clicking and clacking together will generate all the additional heat we need."

"And," continued PM Truss in a further attempt to pull the wool over peoples eyes, "it's so portable. I mean you can knit anywhere. In the back of an ambulance waiting to be admitted to A&E, queing up for your local food bank, whilst using your Freedom pass to travel all day on a London bus. The possibilities are endless."

Former diver, professional gay icon and possibly still in the closet Tory, Tom Daley was full of support, "Oh knit one, pearl one!" exclaimed Tom in a voice that suggested he had hit the water a few too many times from a great height. "Imagine the entire country knitting mohair budgie smugglers just like I do, wouldn't that be great"

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure thinks the answer to that is a resounding ...NO.