18th September Not as bad as Aldi

A middle aged man who regularly shops in his local Aldi is baffled at what people are calling a 'big queue' to see the Queen lying in state in London. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, Aldi afficionado, Ivor Bagferlife, explained how a weekly shop at Aldi can sometimes last the best part of a week.

"Unlike that queue in London where people just literally queue, here at my local Aldi there are so many totally predictable unpredictabls that can cause delays to how long that queue might actually be. You eventually get to the checkout and someone will have forgotten an item and have to go back round the store trying to find it, with three feral children on tow. Or someone wants to return something which requires a manager to come to till no 6. And don't get me started on the delays trying to get an inflatable unicorn, a stepladder and a set of neoprene cycling trousers into a carrier bag."

"Then there's the people who pack at the speed of a glacier and only after they have done that do they start to find their purse to try and pay. Only for their card not to work or their vouchers not to scan or them thinking they are being really helpful to thw cashier by using all their loose change to pay. Or maybe they just want a good old chat about the time they met the Queen or was it watching  Helen Mirren play The Queen?"

"Those people in London should count themselves lucky. I've never met David Beckham in the middle aisle of Aldi or got my face on the Gogglebox through an interview with Charlie Styatt. In fact quite often the food that I pick up from the shelves that has a best by date of well into next week, has gone off by the time I reach the check out. Long queue, they don't know the meaning of the word."