15th September Don't peak to early

 

So how's it going with your grief? Worried that you might peak too early and be fully cried out before the big day next Monday? Fearful that whilst it will be a marathon, you only have the stamina for a short sprint and that you are already running dangerously low on Queen-related conversation? Well worry no more for Grace Under Pressure has yet more handy dandy tips to help you stay the course.

If you have already run out of stock phrases or stories you have heard from someone who knew somone who once met someone who was within 100 yards of the Queen don't panic. If you can't recall that whitty quip by Giles Brandreth about the time he shared a macaroon with the Queen then it's not the end of the world. If you don't have a horse to give a carrot too, a corgi to pet, or memories of your husband making racially insensitive remarks to foreigners then help is at hand.

While many understand there to be only five stages of grief, Grace Under Pressure's guide to grieving for Royalty will allow you to experience a whole new range of emotions over the next week or so.

Denial. Is the Queen really dead if your favourite Facebook sites say she isnt?

Sadness. Feeling overwhelming sadness that someone you never met has died. Just like you did with John Lennon, Princess Diana and Amy Winehouse.

Anger. That despite the fact that millions of people sang 'God save our gracious Queen...God didn't. What a cruel b$£%*&d!

Guilt. You told all your friends that you found that clip with Paddington f%$&£g hilarious when in fact you didn't think it was funny at all.

Hopelessness. The feeling that you'll never be able to boost the UK's tourism industry like the Queen did.

Regret. That you just don't look good in black.

Depression. After overdosing on Nicholas Witchall's voice

Confusion. You don't seem to feel the same as your neighbours Bob and Sandra who held a barbeque last Friday evening.
 
Bargaining.You'll promise to do anything if only the BBC stops all the royal coverage and puts Homes Under the Hammer back on.

And finally accceptance. That King Charles III isn't going to have to shell out on inheritance tax and death duties like you did when your old mum died and left you her bungalow in Formby.

And who knows by the time Monday comes around it's highly likely that scientists will have invented even more stages for you to wallow in for just a little bit longer.

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