12th September Swans stage swift strike

First it was the train drivers, followed quickly by the Post Office. Now it is swans who have gone on strike following concerns that have arisen over their royal rights due to an unexpected management takeover. Following the death of the Queen, who when not doing other stuff spent most of her free time protecting swans up and down the land, there is an understandable flapping of wings in these uncertain times.

Speaking in an exclusive interview with Grace Under Pressure, negotiated only any substantial slices of bread were handed over as part of the deal, Hissing Hettie, long time resident of Windsor, revealed, "Whilst we might appear to be swimming serenly on the surface, under the water out little legs are going like the clappers. The Queen was just lovely. Well she was when she didn't bring those bloody barking Corgis with her. Brought some lovely tit bits she did in that handbag she always carried. Very useful."

"But now, according to the ravens from the Tower, she's flown the nest permanantly, probably to warmer climes and someone has told me that the new fella who is taking her place is just a good time Charlie. Will he pop down every morning on his horse? I'm not so sure. Mind you the face on his missis would certainly scare away any predators so I suppose that a bonus."

And with that Hissing Hettie seemed to have had enough of the chit chat and getting increasingly irrate refused point blank to have a photo taken. "Watch it mate," she honked, raising herself up to her full height and flapping her wings,  "don't come too close with that camera as these things can break your f%$&*g arm!"