4th July Nadine's other sporting triumphs


After being found to have knocked the ball on when mixing up her Jonny Wilkinsons with her Ellery Hanleys during a recent speech, Culture secretary Nadine Dorries has continued to show her encyclopaedic knowledge of UK sports as she revealed some of here favourite moments from the past in an exclusive with Grace Under Pressure.

“OMG don't you just love Wimbledon," revealed the women who greatest sporting achievement has been eating an Ostrich's anus live on TV. "The champagne, the strawberries, the buckets of Pimms, spotting celebrities in the Royal enclosure and just sitting on that big grassy hill in the rain watching a giant TV showing Sue Barker talking to someone I think I recognise but really don't. It's what great sport is all about." 

"I have even heard that if you manage to move away from the corporate hospitality tents there's a competition going as to find out who can grunt the loudest. As for my personal favourite Wimbledon moment, well of course it has when Cliff Richard defied all the odds and won the tournament by being a much better singer than Rafa Nadal. Oh it was just congratulations and celebrations all round. 

Then there was Bradley Wiggins, Chris Hoy and Jason Kenny winning medals at London 2012 for seeing how much thigh it was possible to contain within a lycra legging without the seams bursting. I don't really know why they needed to get on a bike to be honest, they could just have stood there but I suppose by going round and round in circles everyone got a chance to see those glorious bulges.

As for football, well its just so macho isn't it. Apart from when the overpaid primadonnas, who I think are related to both Maradona and Madonna, have a temper tatrum when the nasty man in black threatens to take the ball away. But who could forget Italia 90 when Gazza burst into tears having been kicked in the Pavarottis and Gary Lineker tried to apply the cold sponge."

"It brought tears to my eyes and I don't even have a pair of Pararottis. Sometimes you don't have to win to find a way into the hearts of the great British public. Having a right old meltdown can be just as effective."

"Then there's Sirsteve Redgrave who showed such an ablity to multi task whilst rowing merrily, merrily, merrily down the stream. I mean it couldn't ahev been easy for Sirsteve to have to row a boat and join in with all the actions, you know screaming when he saw a crocodile, shivering when he encounterd a polar bear and roaring if he met a lion."

"No wonder he looked so knackered at the end of it all, but that was probably because he had to do it all wearing that suit of armour and carrying a giant lance, what with him being a knight and all."


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