21st July Just who is diluting the truth?


Having used the hallowed pages of his beloved Daily Mail newspaper as a template on how, when and with whom he should live his life, 76 year old, Ivan Opinion, is now adding 'drinking lots of water' to the list of things he does not trust, beleiving it is all just part of a new woke agenda .

Speaking exclusively to Grace Under Pressure, Ivan Opinion explained his latests conspiracy theory, "I am already made up of 60% water why should I add anymore? Surely that is just going to dilute who I am and I'll become the genetic equivalent of a cucumber. It's all very suspicious to me and is just another example of the Nanny State trying to tell me what to do. You don't see Novax Djokovic knocking back litres and litres of water when on Centre Court in all that heat and he's very sensible about his own health."

" And when you think about it, what exactly is water, where does it comes from, what's in it and why is is suddenly so important to drink it 24/7? according to health and lifestyle gurus. What do they know? Who was it who said we needed less experts, ah yes Michael Gove, and we all know he's someone you can trust and who won't stab you in the back"


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